Archive

Scooby Dooooo.....n't Make Me Watch Any More Of These

Posted 6:59pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Owen Clarke

I watched all 41 episodes of Scooby Doo, Where Are You? in four days. Last night, I dressed up in a white sheet with two holes for eyes and skulked around my flat roof going “Oooooo”. This morning, I was diagnosed villainously insane by a local psychiatrist. I have no memory of these Read more...

The Best Caffeine Hit on Campus

Posted 6:52pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Erin Gourley

Bean juice, java, a cup of joe, the good stuff, espresso, café, a brew, COFFEE. I love it. You also love it, unless you’re a Mormon or one of those people who thinks caffeine is ‘bad for you’. I put myself on the line for coffee lovers and ordered flat whites at ten places Read more...

Left in the Lurch: What Happens When Your Flatmate Stops Paying Rent

Posted 6:39pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Erin Gourley

There are a lot of ways to waste your money (daily coffees, essential oils, cheap shots that are mostly syrup, fancy peanut butter from the Farmers Market). But there are none worse than paying off the rent that your flatmate didn’t pay. Ari Cameron-Smith lived out that scenario. This year, he Read more...

Revisiting the Riots

Posted 6:35pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

As our 150th anniversary dawns, it seems only fitting that we honour all of Otago’s past – not just the fancy past that the weird 150th anniversary merchandise gift shop in the Link wants you to know about.  Critic talked to students and police who were present at the three Read more...

The Best Vending Machine on Campus: A Critic Investigation

Posted 6:23pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

University is hard work. Fortunately, our corporate overlords have placed easy access to delicious food and refreshing beverages all over campus. Quenching yourself has never been easier, but how do you know which machine to use?  The nearly twenty vending machines available on campus can be Read more...

The Great Critic Party Review

Posted 9:11pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Critic

Back To School – The Courtyard  Ah the first night of Flo Week, when second years shed their fresher skins and emerge like butterflies from their chrysalises. They are dirtied and hardened; many are health sci veterans who have acquired a taste for pingas, Long Whites and Billy Read more...

Drunk Interviews With Drunk People

Posted 8:29pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Owen Clarke

Drunk Scottish Girl Found Pissing Behind Bushes on Castle Hey, I’m with Critic, was hoping to ask you some questions. Ayeee, alright! *waves off two friends who are staggering in a rough semicircle nearby* Great. Do you have much interest in foreign affairs? How do you feel about Read more...

The Night’s Watch

Posted 8:23pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Erin Gourley

“We’re not expecting a big night,” Pete from Campus Watch tells me, making a bold prediction that turns out to be way off the mark. We’re standing on the corner of Albany Street and Forth Street, watching a procession of drunken students in Highlanders jumpsuits leaving the Read more...

Which Hall Has the Loosest Drinking Rules: A Critic Investigation

Posted 9:53pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Charlie O’Mannin

Residential colleges: the places where you made your first adult friend, both got and gave your first disappointing oral sex, and then stopped talking to said adult friend, leading to many many awkward hallway interactions.   They’re also the places where most students have their first Read more...

Nags to Riches: How I Tried (and Failed) to Game the Omakau Horse Races

Posted 8:31pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Winnie Red

One sunny Dunedin day, I was enjoying my freedom with some leisurely drunk reading of Carl Sagan’s “Billions & Billions”, when I came across a story about the invention of the chessboard: Once upon a time, the Counsellor to a King gave the King a new game: chess. In a fit of Read more...

How to Get Through University Doing as Little Work as Possible

Posted 8:22pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Let’s face it, everyone’s dream paper is one where you can spend all your time in some state of intoxication and still pass with ease.  Since not everyone has an older sibling who can give them some realistic course advice, Critic thought we would do a bit of the legwork and Read more...

Adam Sandler is the Karl Marx of our Generation: A Critical Analysis

Posted 11:01pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

18 films. Two psychoanalyses. One terrible comedy album. We have now reached the end of our time here at Mr. Sandler, Bring Me a Dream. What a journey we have been on together. To be honest, there was a period in which I didn’t even know if I would be writing this. But here we Read more...

Harleneing With The Stars

Posted 10:55pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

With a nervous gait, Harlene approaches my table of destiny (we couldn’t actually get her to do it, so we just got Chelle to pretend to be her). Trembling, she sits down. Harlene is seeking divine answers. I tell her I am most willing to oblige (for international fees). Harlene reluctantly Read more...

Turning Back the Pages of Time: Critic Through the Ages

Posted 8:31pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Callum Doyle

Well, it’s come to this. We ran out of drugs to do, weird artists to interview and ways to make fun of commerce students. So, what do you do when you run out of ideas? When sitcoms ran out of ideas they’d string together clips from older episodes (or just put Joey and Rachel together, Read more...

The Eternal Flame of Couch Burning

Posted 7:41pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Caroline Moratti

When I envision how couch burning started in this glorious city we call home, a couple of scenarios go through my mind. Maybe our young hero who, sick of having flat arguments about heat pump usage, had a fit of rage and decided to burn the living room furniture as if to say “Fuck you ya cheap Read more...

The Top Things of 2018

Posted 6:56pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Joel MacManus

Here at Critic, we consider it our job to tell you what to think so that you don’t have to. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves while we eat fish n chips and get on the piss and then justify it as journalism by writing about it afterwards. Anyway, here’s a list of the best Read more...

The History of the Critic/ODT Journalism Turf War

Posted 11:43pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

New Zealand is a small country. We’d fit in the pocket of a real country and be indistinguishable from lint. Our small population moulds our news outlets into unusual beasts. One of the most unusual is the Otago Daily Times, the hyper-local community newspaper that in the midst of the digital Read more...

I Tried the Vogue White Wine & Eggs Diet and It Nearly Killed Me

Posted 10:33pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Saskia Rushton-Green

I am not a resilient person, spiritually or physically. I become distressed when I don’t get my 5+ a day and I cried the other day because I remembered the time six months ago that an old lady was mean to me.  So, I thought that doing this objectively bad diet would be great. You know, Read more...

Do You Even Lift, Sis?

Posted 5:52pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Powerlifting is a rapidly growing sport among women in Dunedin. Chelle Fitzgerald chats to five badass local competitors about the rise of female lifters.     Weightlifting is currently one of the fastest growing female sports. Stereotypes around what a female lifter looks like Read more...

How To Find A Boyfriend

Posted 8:52pm Thursday 20th September 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Alice is your typical depressed, thot 2nd year student. She’s never had a boyfriend, something to do with “focusing on her studies in high school”. However, it’s been fucking cold outside and with the plummeting temperatures comes an increased desire to spoon that random guy Read more...

How to Drop out of Uni and make a living in porn

Posted 8:48pm Thursday 20th September 2018 by Callum Doyle

Porn is a strange thing. Right now, Pornhub is the 14th most popular website in the world and 8thin New Zealand, right behind Netflix and just in front of the Wikipedia page for the under-arm bowling incident. Everyone does it, your flatmate who just came downstairs to grab his laptop for Read more...

The Great New Zealand Drug Review

Posted 8:22am Tuesday 18th September 2018 by Critic

Experimenting with altered states of consciousness is part of the human condition. Even in prehistoric times, scientists believe humans took ancient drugs to get high.  With this in mind, Critic decided to conduct a highly scientific review of some drugs, for your enjoyment (but Read more...

Getting High on History at the Whakamana Cannabis Museum

Posted 2:59pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Callum Doyle

It’s one of those things that shouldn’t exist but somehow still does, like my girlfriend. Yet somehow, in the middle of Dunedin’s central business district, beside the finest sex shop Princes Street has to offer, sits the only weed museum in the southern hemisphere (well, Uruguay Read more...

I Led a Police Hunt Through the Botans When I Was High

Posted 2:58pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Anonymous

Put down your Billy Mavs, put away your study notes and buckle in because I am about to tell you the greatest story of all time.  It all started two months after a nasty breakup. I still missed my ex. I missed his eyes, his flakiness, his unwashed foreskin, his intense fear of commitment. I Read more...

I Accidentally Smoked Laced Weed and It Fucked Me Up

Posted 2:55pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Anonymous

Weed is fucking terrifying.  Not a statement that you hear very often as for most people who use the drug it is a relatively positive experience, for me however this is not the case. Here is my story of a 2-day drug trip that has put me off any other illicit substances for life, which Read more...

I Was the World’s Worst Drug Dealer

Posted 2:54pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Chelle Fitzgerald interviews a self-confessed “terrible” former drug dealer. For anonymity’s sake, we’ll call him “Mr Drugs.”      Chelle: What drugs did you deal?  Mr. Drugs: Throughout the years I sold marijuana, (REAL)LSD, Read more...

What It’s Like To Be On Anti-Depressants

Posted 2:52pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Anonymous

For the past couple of years, I’ve had a consistent low mood; not showering, eating junk food, staying in bed all day. Yeah, I’m single boys, come and get it. However, despite all this, it was also kind of manageable. Dry shampoo and Blackboard slides were my sweet, sweet Read more...

Top 10 Mysteries of Otago University

Posted 12:18am Friday 7th September 2018 by Molly Codyre

In her final weeks of university, resident fourth year Molly Codyre set out to finally get to the bottom of the most mysterious, unexplainable and often annoying things about life at our beautiful, vomit scattered campus.    1. Why is the only tropical holiday I’m getting this Read more...

Dunedin Ghost Tours: A Journey Through a City’s Dark Past

Posted 10:01pm Thursday 6th September 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

On a still, chilly Wednesday night, fellow Critic writer Caroline Moratti and I find ourselves standing underneath a streetlamp in the Octagon. The pavement glitters with a sense of anticipation, hiding the untold stories of the night.  Waiting for Andrew “The Hair Raiser” Smith, Read more...

NZ Idol Winner Ben Lummis on Fame, Hummus, and a Comeback Tour that is DEFINITELY happening

Posted 12:13am Friday 31st August 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

Looking back, 2004 was the golden era for New Zealand television. We were so blessed by great faces appearing on our screens, such as DJ Vinyl Richie, Drew Neemia, Erin Simpson – it truly was the best of times. But since 2004 was such a long time ago, so many of these familiar faces have Read more...

I Made My Dad Join a Cult

Posted 12:09am Friday 31st August 2018 by Callum Doyle

You might know something about Scientology. Like, Tom Cruise is a part of it. And didn’t South Park do an episode on it or something? Bet you didn’t know, however, that the second ever Church of Scientology was based in New Zealand. That’s right, even when it comes to starting Read more...

Meet the People Who Protest Abortion Outside the Dunedin Hospital

Posted 8:50pm Thursday 30th August 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

The majority of abortions in New Zealand are deemed acceptable on the grounds of “serious danger to mental health”. I should know; I’ve had one myself. Conceiving on my 18th birthday during O-Week, what are the odds? Pretty high, if you’re me. Regardless, there would Read more...

The Carpet Critic – an Exposé on the Carpets of Otago

Posted 5:47pm Thursday 16th August 2018 by Sophia Carter Peters

Central Library Not the most appealing, but clean and does the job. Fantastic water absorption, your tears will just sink right in. Ruined somewhat by the obnoxious presence of AskOtago. Design: 2.5/5 Texture: 1/5 Aroma: 5/5 Cleanliness: 4.5/5 Water absorption: Read more...

The Great Critic Pub Crawl

Posted 5:22pm Thursday 16th August 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Three of our intrepid reporters went on a walk from Central Library to the Octagon. They came back five hours later, about $80 poorer, and much drunker.   Ombrellos This place is delightful and wholesome, like my kindergarten or my grandparents’ sex life. The main bar was closed Read more...

Critic Reviews: The Best Chinese Food in North Dunedin

Posted 4:56pm Thursday 16th August 2018 by David Emanuel

Chinese food is amazing. Simply relegating the entire genre to two words is a grave injustice. Anthony Bourdain said you can spend a lifetime studying Chinese culture and you won’t even scrape the surface. In Dunedin we are lucky to have a few good Chinese restaurants whilst having the ethnic Read more...

The People Behind Otago’s Favourite Facebook Pages

Posted 11:30pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Critic

In the glory days of the early 2000s, Facebook pages earned your likes by having hilarious names such as “I could tell you, but I’d rather show you through INTERPRETATIVE DANCE” and other such bizarro crap set loose upon the random XD quirky youths of the decade. Nowadays, no Read more...

Uncovering the Guys Behind New Zealand’s Craziest Conspiracy Website

Posted 11:19pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Joel MacManus

Trigger Warning: This article deals with anti-Semitic and transphobic conspiracy theorists. They are directly quoted, in their own words, using a number of offensive words and phrases.      January 19 2018 was a day that changed what normal meant in New Zealand’s Read more...

David with the Stars: Dance Superstar David Seymour strips his soul bare

Posted 11:08pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Editor’s Note: I just want to make it 100% clear that this is a real interview. All the quotes were actually spoken by David Seymour to Critic reporter Caroline Moratti, in a very awkward interview.  In 2018 a star was born. Dancing with the Stars was a life changing experience for Read more...

Nurse Joy?

Posted 8:12pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Callum Doyle

After a day-long strike and nearly a year of negotiations, New Zealand Nurses Organisation has accepted the latest pay offer from their DHB employers, ending the threat of further strikes. Callum Doyle went to the Duendin protest to find out what it means and why it was necessary in the first Read more...

The Rookie’s Guide to Art Galleries

Posted 8:03pm Thursday 2nd August 2018 by Joel MacManus

The OUSA Art Gallery Crawl is back this Thursday. If you’re not an “art person” it can seem like a strange new world tomanoeuvre. But the payoff is huge. Not only will you impress potential sexual partners with your worldiness, but sometimes there’s free Read more...

I Live to Back-Trend

Posted 7:09pm Thursday 2nd August 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis

Fashion at Otago University in 2012 meant jeans and puffer vests as far as the eye could see. 2015 saw the rise of the striped top and activewear, a look which became so iconic that everyone was soon afraid to wear it.  In 2018 it’s looking like denim with block coloured tops, Read more...

Shiraz Sharon & Pinot Gris Paula : A Detailed Guide of Various Wine Mums

Posted 12:46am Monday 30th July 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

A couple of Fridays ago, I had the divine honour of seeing Dave Dobbyn live at The Cook. Aside from all the whipping and inappropriate “CHEEEAAAAHOOOOOS” that occurred, I felt myself more captivated by the audience around me than by Dave’s performance. We were the youngest in a sea Read more...

Dogs of Dunedin

Posted 12:29am Monday 30th July 2018 by Jessica Thompson Carr

Tom Tremewan runs the adorable Instagram page Dogs of Dunedin NZ, chronicling the bestest boyes and gurls in Dunedin. Critic caught up with him for a hard-hitting interview.    Where did the idea for this gram come from? It started off with me sending snapchats to my friends of Read more...

Meet the Conservation Dogs

Posted 5:55pm Friday 27th July 2018 by Ellen Rykers

You’ve probably met those nosy beagles at the airport. Those doe-eyed dogs that’ll sit earnestly next to your luggage while you protest your innocence, until the long-forgotten apple festering in the bottom of your backpack is revealed. Or maybe you’ve slunk past the doggos with a Read more...

Money and Bitches: Meet the Guy Who Makes a Living Rating Dogs on Twitter

Posted 6:41pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by Callum Doyle

If you’ve ever heard someone say the nonsensical words doggo, woofer or pupper, they may have suffered a serious stroke and require medical attention immediately. Or, they may have just been using some of the new slang words for “dog” that have become so popular that they’re Read more...

Chlöe Swarbrick wants to “make politics cool”

Posted 7:38pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Esme Hall

Chlöe Swarbrick says she’s “the perfect flatmate”. She’s out the door of her Wellington flat at 7am and back after 11pm. She has no time to cook, so never leaves dirty dishes. That is, of course, because she’s a Green MP in an eight-person caucus and handles nine Read more...

Accessible Sex

Posted 7:36pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Is sex a basic human right? Not for your parents hopefully, don’t picture that.  To access sex remains a struggle that plagues most of our lives. It involves showering regularly, wearing inappropriate amounts of deodorant, and forcing yourself to make small talk about their degree. But Read more...

Dunedin's Bar Stereotypes

Posted 5:46pm Thursday 12th July 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Starters: Name: Jess 18 years old. Has a REAL I.D. Also seen in: St David, Arana, Central Library. Lives on Vodka Cruisers and Jägerbombs. Shows up at 9:30. Has way too much energy. Puts everything on daddy’s credit card but still complains about being “a broke Read more...

Telephones to Another World

Posted 5:43pm Thursday 12th July 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Bruce Mahalski collects skulls. Porcupine, tui, crocodile, human, cow and giraffe skulls decorate the front half of his Dunedin home, which he has turned into the Dunedin Museum of Natural Mystery, showcasing his skulls next to bones, fossils, “ethnographic” art, and whatever weird or Read more...

Reviewing Dunedin’s C-Graded Restaurants

Posted 9:57pm Thursday 5th July 2018 by Joel MacManus

Our intrepid reporters put their lives on the line to bring you cutting edge reviews of the eateries that Dunedin’s Health Inspectors have deemed least safe for human consumption.    Doughbin – The Bin This place is weird. As a bakery/Japanese restaurant, The Bin is Read more...

I See Music: What It’s Like Living with Synesthesia

Posted 9:53pm Thursday 5th July 2018 by Adelaide Dunn

The view from the living room window of my childhood home looks across Kaikorai Valley, a perfect skyline of hills rising to meet Flagstaff. As a four-year-old, I would trace my finger along the line of trees on top of those hills. Every now and then, the sound of a horn from the nearby train-tracks Read more...

A Good Keen Club: The Group That Is Changing The Way Students Eat At Otago

Posted 9:52pm Thursday 5th July 2018 by Jim Eunson

Many students are still struggling to afford healthy, nutritious meals on the daily. Rent, power, and other living expenses have an impact on the average student’s ability to eat meat and fish. Some would call on students to stop eating animal products altogether, and perhaps this is an Read more...

How To Take Mushrooms and Not Die

Posted 10:54pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

So, the weather’s getting cold, you’ve already failed two of your semester one papers and life’s looking pretty dusty. What’s a student to do? Well, if you’ve attended any parties lately, you’d know that at this time of year the breathers like to turn some Read more...

Dumpster Diving: A Beginner’s Guide

Posted 7:38pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Poverty for students is often so fundamentally ingrained that it can be hard to recognise — we make jokes about the lads who live off two-minute noodles and inhabit flats with holes in the walls. It’s scarfie culture down to the bone; golden and beloved. It’s easy to forget that Mi Read more...

We Crashed The Beatles

Posted 7:33pm Thursday 24th May 2018 by Critic

Well, we did it. We sent two of our intrepid, expendable reporters to the City Hotel – not to join the rest in the boozer – and told them to “see the Beatles.” What actually rocked us on our heels was that they did. Our newspaperman and news hen walked in between the Read more...

Sexing It up in Shark Week

Posted 6:10pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Maddie Grant

Considering lesbians probably have this shit down - this one is for the cis heteros who for some reason are still queasy when it comes to periods and sex. The only time anyone is ever excited about a period is after a pregnancy scare. However, just because periods can ruin your underwear Read more...

Red Alert

Posted 6:08pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis

Menstruation is a complicated thing: the biology, the mess, the weird food cravings, the sexual urges, and, most of all, talking about it. Periods are like Superman – you never know who is hiding the suit under their clothes. They could strike anytime, anywhere. Before we continue, it needs to Read more...

Bloody Hell: 18 Students Share Their Best Period Stories

Posted 6:07pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Bleeding like a stuck pig for approximately 1/6th of our lives (which is around 15 years of solid bleeding, btw) isn’t an awful lot of fun. So just for a moment, let’s rejoice in, or recoil aghast at, these tales of menstrual treachery that our readers have so kindly Read more...

Dunedin’s Cheapest Alcohol: An Investigative Investigation

Posted 6:00pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Life on the student allowance is a constant struggle to balance those optional extras, like rent and food, with the essentials, like caffeine and alcohol. The ultimate goal in life is to get fucked up without fucking up your finances. You want to drink to forget your money troubles, not create new Read more...

The Capping Show Cult

Posted 11:01pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Jacob Houston

“You’ve just woken up, and you realise the world is in slow motion,” says the director. All right, I’ll play George Bush just doing his regular thing. That’s pretty funny. But I guess that’s been done before; maybe I should just make a character. Yeah, Read more...

Midwife Crisis

Posted 10:59pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Babies are the shitty, screaming, harbingers of shit that are one of the ‘perks’ of settling down and becoming an actual adult. Luckily most of us are not in Gore, so it’s not something we have to consider for at least a few more years. And even better, there’s a whole Read more...

The Mystery of The Disappearing Fuckboi or: The Narrow Escape In The Hyde Street Sex Attic

Posted 10:55pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Critic

OK boys and girls, ladies and gents, strap yourself in because boy do I have a story for you. I am a first-year health science student who has recently been freed from a messy relationship, and I’ve been looking to get back on the horse - so naturally I turned to Tinder. Armed with a witty Read more...

CROSSFAT

Posted 10:49pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I’m the first to admit it; I’ve gone incredibly soft and sedentary since high school. What used to be a capable and fit dancer’s body has slowly deteriorated into good hugs and heavy partying, usually accompanied by carb-laden food and quality banter, which is not actually a thing Read more...

The Critic Guide to the Shit Towns of Otago

Posted 6:56pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

Roxburgh Has singing toilets, which are an extremely common thing in most reasonably-sized cities, but for some reason are considered a tourist attraction here. The Wikipedia page lists it as “one of the country's most important apple growing regions,” which is the only time Read more...

Journey to the Mystic Crystal Castle

Posted 6:49pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Alexander Woolrych

Mullumbimby, Australia is not famous for much, apart from Iggy Azaelea and substance abuse. But there is one curiosity which manages to attract visitors from around the world to this shithole town – the Crystal Castle.  The founder of the Crystal Castle, Naren King, celebrated the Read more...

Your Rough Guide to Student Exchange

Posted 6:35pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Caroline Moratti

It’s a cold, miserable night in Dunedin. My flatmate Alice and I are on our phones drinking rum. Occasionally we’ll look up to show each other a meme or pour another glass. It’s a simple, well-worn routine, like putting on sweatpants or drunkenly calling your ex. Out of the silence Read more...

The Best Drinking Games From Around The World

Posted 6:01pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Callum Doyle

Drinking is the most essential part of travelling – just ask anyone who has been on an OE. If their best story doesn’t involve them being blackout drunk in whatever country they inflicted themselves upon, they’re either lying or went to Carrington. So, a good magazine would do some Read more...

Inside Hyde Street

Posted 5:53pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Callum Doyle

On paper, Hyde Street is really dumb, right? Or is it just me? You pay for your ticket, you buy your shit costume from one of the five shitty stores which make all their money at this time of the year and you drink enough to convince yourself you had a great time. Who would be dumb enough to do Read more...

I Took Mushrooms and Went to a Concert, Because Journalism

Posted 8:15pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

If there’s one thing that Critic has taught me, it’s that you can do the dumbest shit you can think of, and if you write about it afterwards, it’s still technically journalism. Watch every Adam Sandler movie in a year? Journalism. Wear a fedora for seven days? Journalism. Fuck a Read more...

Game of Faculties

Posted 5:54pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Lachie Robertson

If HBO weren’t being massive cockteases and making us wait a whole extra year, the new season of Game of Thrones would be out by now. But it’s not and everyone is very sad about that. To ease the pain of not having any new episodes, we fired up the ol’ imagination and Read more...

Overworked, Underpaid, Undertrained: The Nightmare Lives of RAs

Posted 5:50pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

*All the names of the RAs in this article have been changed due to strict contracts forbidding RAs to speak to the media My parents may not be legally obligated to look after my drunk ass after age 18, but someone has to if I’m not going to end up dead in a ditch. Enter Residential Read more...

The Great Campus Toilet Review

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Thomas T. Crapper

Shitting is an activity that we must all undertake, sometimes with great urgency. As a person who much prefers to make deposits in the comfort of my own home, when I receive nature’s call on campus I can’t help but curse the gods for my grave misfortune. This is mostly due to the Read more...

How Dunedin Destroyed BYOs

Posted 8:20pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

BYO culture is sacred. You get the mates and the missus together, fuck around in New World trying to find the best dollar-per standard wine, and finally saunter through some dimly-lit, red-walled restaurant with your posse. There’s something about knocking back a few glasses – or bottles Read more...

The Great Critic Fish n Chip Review

Posted 10:17pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

Fish and chips are the ultimate feed for students. They’re cheap, they’re unhealthy, they don’t ask questions or judge your lifestyle choices. Critic have left no salty stone unturned in the noble quest to deduce the best fish and chips available to the good residents of North Read more...

Could Child Sex Dolls Reduce Sexual Assault? We spoke to a Pedophile who thinks so.

Posted 9:50pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Todd E. Nickerson could have the Tinder bio of your dreams. He’s a one-armed freelance artist and graphic designer who loves “art, movies, books, science, philosophy, cooking and daydreaming”. Todd is also a self-confessed “celibate/non-offending pedophile,” who says he Read more...

The Demise of the Student Pub

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

I was 16 years old the first time I ever illegally set foot in a nightclub, and that night in 2001 would pinpoint the start of a love affair with Dunedin’s vibrant student pubs and clubs scene. Drunk on Bernadino and KGBs, my best friend and I concocted an incredible backstory of being Read more...

Talking Shit About The Exec For A Bit

Posted 9:03pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Every quarter the OUSA Executive submit reports about what they’ve been doing, which the exec then votes to approve. In order to get paid, they have to have their reports approved in full. This quarter’s reports were super boring so we had our subeditors pore through them and mark Read more...

Exploring the Dunedin Wildlife Hospital

Posted 11:07pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Josephine Devereux

Walking through the doors, a fishy, salty smell filled my nostrils. No, I wasn’t in the Unicol bathrooms; I’d just entered the new Dunedin Wildlife Hospital facilities. I was here to chat with the hospital’s volunteer coordinator Lauren about the hospital, last year’s Read more...

Scarfies: The Film That Gave Taika Waititi His Big Break

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Joel MacManus

An empty flat. A quarter of a million dollars worth of weed. A drug dealer that wants to kill you. And you’ve taken him hostage in your basement. What would you do? That was the question asked by Robert Sarkie’s 1999 film “Scarfies,” the movie that put Dunedin and its Read more...

I Wore a Fedora for a Week and It Changed Me

Posted 11:01pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Nick Baird

There comes a time in every young man’s life when he must choose who he wants to become. Will he be a shining beacon of success? A piece of shit? A wizened monk devoid of all worldly thirsts? A huge piece of shit? All options are on the table, but it’s hard to know which pool you should Read more...

Eat a Locust, Save a Cow

Posted 10:57pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Malcolm Diack loves animals. As we enter his suburban house in Caversham we’re greeted by a beautiful deaf Samoyed, two cats, and a tank of frogs. At his house Malcolm Diack also farms locusts for human consumption. The frogs are what got him into insect farming in the first place; he used Read more...

The Butt-Loving Generation

Posted 9:06pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Critic

Asses are trending. Belfies are flooding Instagram. Songs like “Anaconda” and “Wiggle” became viral sensations. Brazilian butt lifts increased by 53% in 2013, and women are flooding to the gym to squat their life away. Previously, asking “does this dress make my butt Read more...

Sexy Stitch-Ups : Twelve students reveal their most embarrassing sex stories

Posted 9:03pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Critic

Courtney “So I had been talking to this guy on Tinder for months and we finally met up. We hung out and I couldn't decide if I liked the text version or the live version better, so we met up a few more times. Cue the awkward ‘I'm very sober, I haven't had sex for a long Read more...

That One Time I Realised It Wasn’t Just a Bad Sex Experience, It Was Assault

Posted 8:59pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Laura Amy

Not long ago I was sitting down with a friend talking about exes and past flings, which led to sharing sex stories. “Okay,” I asked, “what was the worst sex you’ve had?” He told me about the time he was losing his virginity and the girl’s ex-boyfriend walked Read more...

“I Sold My Underwear Online and Used the Money to Buy Pokémon”

Posted 8:56pm Thursday 15th March 2018 by Caroline Moratti

Matilda* is your typical Instagram art hoe. Never seen without her kanken, her embroidered dungarees and Vincent van Gogh socks, we’ve all seen variations of her around campus. But behind the lens of her yellow Polaroid camera lies a more twisted version of reality. Matilda sold her used Read more...

Sleep Paralysis - it's fucking terrifying

Posted 9:05pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Maddie Grant

One night when I was 17, I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t move my body. I’m talking about not even being able to open my fucking eyes. So I just lay there, thinking “FUCK FUCK FUCK Am I dead? Am I having a nightmare? Did I somehow break my neck and Read more...

Le Tour de Goon

Posted 6:11pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Callum Doyle

“Oh shit, watch out!” A cylcist with more confidence than ability had smashed into a girl, and she was lying down, unmoving. “Shit I’m going to be in an ODT article about dead students, aren’t I?” was my only thought as we rushed to her. Luckily, my fears were Read more...

Can Assuming Bogan Characteristics Enhance Performance While Surfing? A Scientific Expedition

Posted 6:02pm Thursday 8th March 2018 by Sam Fraser-Baxter

Hello Zukeen magazine is a Dunedin-based arts and culture publication. It’s silly, sexy and stupid. It’s all about young people doing rad shit. If you enjoy any of the following, chances are you’ll enjoy Hello Zukeen: waves, cool noises, people riding things, art, exceptional Read more...

Ancient Greeks: We Disguised Ourselves as Freshers and Infiltrated the Toga Party.

Posted 6:16pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Erin Broughton

‘Otago’ is one letter and a tiny word scramble away from ‘Toga’. Taking this as a prophetic sign, we sent two Critic writers who are way too old for this shit to coat their baggy eyes with foundation, rip up some sheets, and brave the iconic event that is the Toga Read more...

69 Things You Absolutely Should Not Do At University

Posted 6:13pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Critic

Don’t do a ‘survey’ for a Christian group; they’re not researching anything, they just want to convert you. And there won’t be any sex. Don’t go to a ‘Landers game in any section but the Zoo: old people are terrible company. Unless they smell like Read more...

Chronicles of Castle: 7 Days of O-Week on NZ’s Biggest Party Street

Posted 6:10pm Saturday 3rd March 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

As one of the two truly iconic party streets of North Dunedin, Castle is locked in a never ending tussle with Hyde to prove their status as the true home of O-Week. It’s hectic, as parties spill onto the street and combine into a frothing melee of noise, dancing and vomit. We sent a Read more...

Judith Collins: Critic Takes on the Crusher

Posted 4:30pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Joel MacManus

Judith Collins is a pit bull, with a no-nonsense attitude and a badass nickname to boot. ‘The Crusher’ is a moniker she originally picked up as Justice Minister for her policy of crushing boy racers’ cars, but soon came to represent her entire brand of politics. Among the Read more...

The Tindersurfer

Posted 4:28pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Tindersurfing: (noun) The act of travelling around the world while finding accommodation only through the app “Tinder”. For 25-year-old Belgian Anthony Botta, “every day is a date”. That’s the slogan of his YouTube channel, Zebotta Official, where he documents his Read more...

Inside Initiations, or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Vom

Posted 4:26pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Joel MacManus

Initiations; along with rugby at the Zoo, blacking out at Hyde Street, and shamefully hustling a dubious conquest out of your flat, they’re one of North Dunedin’s most time honoured traditions. You gather up whoever is moving into your shitty flat next year, force a few drinks down Read more...

Ta Moko: The Tattoos of a Culture

Posted 12:17pm Sunday 8th October 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Arriving at the Moana Moko studio, I spied my friend Alan lying peacefully on a bed, as tohunga ta moko (tattooist) Stu McDonald worked steadily on Alan’s ta moko (Māori tattoo). The Moray Place studio was spacious and high-ceilinged, with wooden floors and pleasant roots music playing. I Read more...

What is behind New Zealand’s high suicide rate?

Posted 12:02pm Sunday 8th October 2017 by Zahra Shahtahmasebi

Content warning: contains discussion of suicide   Our country has one of the highest suicide rates in the Western world, and the highest youth (15-24 years old) suicide rate in the OECD. The latest suicide statistics, released by the Chief Coroner in late August, showed that the number of Read more...

Smile, You’re on Camera

Posted 11:51am Sunday 8th October 2017 by Jean Balchin

Imagine this: it’s early on a Sunday morning, and the sun is streaming in the window. It’s obnoxiously bright, and rouses you from your slumber; entangled up in a bed that isn’t yours. Who is that person snoring beside you? Where on earth are you? And why does your head hurt so Read more...

Extreme Haunted Houses

Posted 10:53am Saturday 30th September 2017 by Lucy Hunter

“People piss themselves, shit themselves,” says Rory Foley casually as he shows us through the empty prison. Foley delights in terrorising people, for charity. It’s a grim place to walk around. The Dunedin Prison was completed in 1896 and used for over a century until its Read more...

Scarfie in a Strange Land

Posted 10:41am Saturday 30th September 2017 by Isaac Yu

Time is a wheel. Being someone of Korean descent who represents New Zealand on the JET Programme (Japanese Exchange and Teaching meant to improve international relations), living in Japan is a surreal experience. On one hand, their ancestors conquered mine and instituted an oppressive police state Read more...

The History of Initiations at Otago University

Posted 12:33pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Joel MacManus

With the student ghetto, couch burning, broken bottles and the Hyde St party, it’s easy to villianise modern student behaviour. However, in contrast with their parents, grandparents, and greatgrandparents, students these days are angels. Joel Macmanus reports on the dangerous and disgusting Read more...