Clark V. Woodhouse

Michael Woodhouse National is committed to supporting students with the costs associated with tertiary study. A tertiary education is a major investment, not just for you as students, but for New Zealand as a country. New Zealand has one of the most generous student support systems in the world. Each year, the government invests around $4.1 billion into funding tertiary education, with $1.2 billion of that on financial support for...

The Hell Hole

There was a tiny dot on the end of my nose; a single pore with a pinprick of yellow gunk. I scratched it, then, when it didn’t move, I squeezed it. A tiny tiny worm arced out and plonked its weeny yellow head onto the skin on my nose. A teeny pore-worm. Nice. The worm was wriggling. It wasn’t wriggling from the pressure that had suddenly propelled it through the membranous surface; it was an autonomous wriggling, as though it was...

Sage Advice

“Numbers are the highest degree of knowledge. They are knowledge themselves.” - Plato   This question comes from a loyal reader: “I'm at a quandary: which is the funnier number, 420 or 69?” Thanks for another great question. 69 and 420 are the funny numbers. These numbers exist, like glitches in the matrix, to make us break out in big dumb smiles and knowing nods whenever we encounter them in the wild:...

Critic Booze Reviews

Hapsburg Absinthe is a fucking crisis in a bottle. It makes Hurricane Irma look like a gentle breeze. Absinthe burns like the spray I get from the cricket club’s 4th XI opening bowler when I drop a sitter at mid-on. Absinthe is the end of the road, binge drinking’s natural finale. It's the end of a long dark journey to the final frontier of drinking. Think of yourself as an alcoholic Edmund Hillary. Climb the mountain. Do it...

Inventions Out of Time

Penicillin (1/5)  Helps people live longer and prolong the misery of existence. Also, misleadingly does not contain pencils.   Sex (1.5/5) Too much tiring...

Poetry Corner

This is the time to strike, the time for us to be reborn, a native imbalance, restoring the faith of our past. Once again, we've failed, failed to reinvigorate our retinas, failed to reach the...