Moaningful Confessions

I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years after he cheated on me and naturally, I was feeling pretty horny. I went into Suburbia because I had to take a shit and it had the shortest line. I figured while I was inside I may as well do some dancing. I found the tallest man in the room (don't judge me, we all have a type), and started grinding on him. About 10 minutes in he said, "Uh, I don't even know your name." We...

The Critic Bachelor: Group Dates

This week, group dates are on the agenda. Can Jack find love, even in a crowded room? On Monday afternoon, Sophie and Amelia met Jack for a romantic rendezvous through the Otago Museum. Critic had intended the group to take in the iconic sights of the Animal Attic (specifically the rat king) but Jack, swayed by the childish delights of the Discovery World, paid for him and the girls to attend the planetarium, butterfly room and more. Sophie...

Bone Apple Teeth

I have a confession to make. For weeks now, I have been searching for The Perfect Dish. Something spicy, salty, fresh and, above all, interesting. My God, the hunt has been long. After consuming campus sushi daily, I turned to this week's Bone Apple Teeth forlorn, having barely touched a stove all week. “I will make the perfect depression food,” I said, depressed. Cheesy noodles (yes, sad but true) were on the menu. But...

Booze Reviews

Craft brewers are doing more and more weird shit these days. Every day in Wellington some hipster finds some new crap to put in a beer that makes it taste terrible, so they can call it a 'sour' and convince other punishing hipsters to waste money on it. Apparently, some craft brewers these days are even experimenting with making beer out of grapes. One such brewery is Villa Maria, based out of Gizzy, which makes a brilliant...

Vape Review

I know I’ve previously talked about how much I hate ambiguous vape flavours, but Fruit Finale is truly something else. It sounds so ominous and mysterious. I’ve reached the end of my vaping journey and have to battle against the big dog himself. This then leaves the question of which fruit would be the last fruit you’d want to fight? For me, I think it would be a grapefruit. That shit is powerful, man. I mean it sounds so lovely...