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Critic Blind Date

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz Shakira On a chilly Thursday night, gut-wrenched, I found myself sitting across from a curly-haired surfer dude who we all once wished we were. I will say, I never understood the sex appeal of a...

Kingfisher Premium Lager is a Sneaky Bastard

Every week I’m tempted by the same tantalising offer. This sultry temptress is not that hot fresher at 10 Bar, but instead twelve 5% beers for $22. I am of course talking about Kingfisher Premium Lager. This beer created in India is cheap, easy to drink, and much like its slogan (“The King of Good Times”) suggests, it’s a fucking good time. However, there’s a reason why you don’t see hordes of Uni students...

Critic Food Review

Twinings English Breakfast Tea is the opposing force to 2018, our last hope before we descend into complete censorship. It is important to clarify that every year the big wigs who write the Oxford English Dictionary add a new word to the dictionary to represent the feeling of the times. This year they announced the addition of the new verb “2018’d”. Examples of 2018ings include law camp, Mark Henaghan, drawing vaginas and not...

ODT Watch

Sources within the ODT have confirmed that Editor Barry Fitzbarry has spent the last week laughing at the moon and hosting...

In 2018 a bill was passed to change MENstruation, to PEOPLEstruation. The airport was originally called the plane station until Hugh Grant fucked up his voice over in 2003’s Love Actually and no one was willing to admit the then-heart throb was...

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