Critic Blind Date

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. Critic Blind Date is no longer taking applications for 2019; keep an eye out for your chance next year.     Breathe In Having just come out of a test at 7pm and with no time to drink, I quickly put on my kit and generously seasoned both nostrils. Dart in hand, jaws swinging and pupils the size of dinner plates, I took a...

Critic Booze Reviews

Hardy’s is my darling. My sweet saucy McMuffin. What’s so great about it? Let’s slip into something more comfortable and find out. It’s the end of the year and by now you should be well aware of how shit the BYO regulations in Dunedin are. Seriously, every other city has one bottle per person, but not Dunedin. We are assigned a mere one bottle between two, all because some people in the ‘90s dared to burn a couch...

Horoscopes

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 This is the week that you make an official request to change the term ‘mail man’ to ‘femail woman’.                                This Week’s Lucky Charm: The old rat tail of a friend you had in primary...

UoO Moaningful Confessions

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to critic@critic.co.nz     Before we get into this story I need to explain something so the end makes sense. In the hall last year my friend and I took these sexy red undies from someone we did not particularly like. These undies would be a sisterhood traveling pants kinda vibe and we would wear them when going out with later...

ODT Watch

111, one drug pls!!!   Landlords when tenants complain about poor insulation.     Fucking millennials and their new “only looking at the ground” trend. This is hopefully the first and last time the word “Lawrence” and “juices” are written in the same sentence. This is incredibly insulting to dogs. Also, imagine the movie Ratatouille but Remy is a dog;...

Top Ten Animals of the Air New Zealand In-Flight Entertainment Kids Map

Let me set the scene: you’re captive in an aluminium tube, thirty thousand feet above the ocean, cruising at a speed of over eight hundred kilometres per hour. Hours have passed, and hours are yet to pass. With your senses dulled from your fourth complementary beverage, you crave a simpler time. You don’t find it – it finds you. Wistful memories of childhood innocence surface. You feel a primal instinct to frolic in nature. What...