Critic Blind Date

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz   KEL KNIGHT The day for the blind date rolled around and I decided to have some Scrumpo before heading in. It was cold as fuck and, as I was walking it started hailing, so I grabbed a scooter and yeeted myself at the top speed of...

UoO Moaningful Confessions

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to critic@critic.co.nz     As every international exchange student knows, sometimes you need a vacation from your vacation. So, when mid-semester break rolls around, it cannot be wasted. It’s the perfect week to explore the country, have some outdoor adventures, learn how to drive on the opposite side of the road, and most...

Critic Booze Reviews

Ivanov Vodka is THAT bitch. A trustworthy, hard to find, bitch. She’s got your back when everyone at the party’s talking about how you slept with so-and-so, and will probably scream in the hostess’ face about third wave feminism. Ivanov Vodka is the cheapest vodka on the block, but the price difference isn’t noticeable in the slightest; it tastes like, you guessed it, vodka. You can fight me on this in Facebook comments...

ODT Watch

  Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.     Honestly? The ODT has published a lot of filth but this takes the cake. The only kind of sex that should be promoted in any piece of media is vanilla missionary sex that lasts for 30 seconds. We bet you don’t even cry afterwards. For shame.     Nice.     Nice.     This, dear...

Horoscopes

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 This week’s spell for a good night out with the boys: Pile all of your clothes into the centre of your room. Fetch bucket of cold sage water. Pour a dash of kerosene onto the pile of clothes and set it alight. Whisper to your burning clothing “looking good, feeling fab,” then immediately extinguish the flame with your sage water. Extract the only outfit that was not burned. Time to...

Top 10 Scariest Things from My Childhood that I've Tried to Repress

1. The red screen that comes up on a PlayStation 2 when you put the wrong disc in 2. That TV ad where you watch a house burn...