Love is Blind

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Ombrellos and Cello. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Miri After spending the afternoon scrolling through Critic archives and reading every blind date section from the past two years I had sufficiently freaked myself out, so some serious pre-drinking was in...

Critic Booze Reviews: Vodka Cruiser Ice

Vodka Cruiser Ice is the tipping point of mediocrity. Bringing a four-pack of these bad boys to a party screams small dick energy, but you know what? Really owning your small dick energy, is kind of big dick energy. Or rounds it up to 5 inches at least. It’s like the lemonade you buy from a stand on your street corner: you know it’s kind of shitty, but you’ve heard the kid has a learning disability and he’s fundraising...

Creamy Chicken, Bacon & Mushroom Pasta

This dish is an unreal winter warmer which is sure to satisfy the flatties. Pair with white Longridge goon or Kristov vodka. Grab a frying pan or stone pot, chuck it on med-high heat, and leave it to heat up. Slap some oil in there and then add diced, salted chicken. Be careful not to overload the pan – you want to fry the chicken, not boil it in its own juice. Get it to a good golden-brown, then remove and set aside.   Dice...

Mr Sandler, Bring Me a Dream

As I assume most of you are aware of by now, I have shit time management skills. Hence the lack of review in last week’s issue. I’m only one person, and the last thing I want to do at the end of the week is watch and write about Adam Sandler. But we’re here, reporting live from the New World staffroom, ready to review some Sandler. Before diving into this review, I’d like to give a shout-out to Alex for making me aware of...

The Week the ODT Were Just Gosh Darn Adorable

This has been a difficult week for the ODT.     They shook their fists and told the blowhards to sock it off   Speaking of socks, this week the ODT experimented with...