ODT Watch

This week the ODT have some hard-hitting questions   Yes.   Next, Winston Peters’ mother has something to fucking say “No one apart from my son, Winston S. Peters, should be allowed to vote.” Winston was later heard saying, “Shuduuuup Mum, you’re embarrassing me”.   The ODT have been looking very hard at toilets this week There were some poos.   Then...

Critic Blind Date

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Lindsay Lohan After hyping myself up to apply for the gay edition of Blind Date and name dropping those I know that work at Critic - alas I got an offer to go on the famous date. Since I was rushing back from uni, I...

Critic Booze Reviews

Ring the wedding bells; I’m getting married. That’s right, I’ve found the one. Well, kind of. I don’t mean she’s as sexy as tequila or as good in bed as Jägermeister. She’s a far throw from my childhood love (RTDs, I miss you) but I'm a third year now, it’s time to think about settling down. Chasseur Cask Medium White Wine is secure, stable and the one who puts dinner on the table by 6. Sure,...

Horoscopes

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Not being able to sweat isn’t a personality, Aquarius. This week’s fashion icon: Bruce the Neopet. This week’s fashion faux pas: Crimped hair.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Everyone shits the bed at some point in their life, Pisces. You have to think positive. At least it was someone else’s bed and you left without waking them up. You’ll probably never see each other...

UoO Moaningful Confessions

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to critic@critic.co.nz     I remember it like it was yesterday. March 25, 2017. It was my boyfriend at the time’s birthday, and was I saving the best gift for last. After spending the whole day teasing him of what his last present might be, a lot of upper-thigh touching under the table at his birthday dinner and dirty texts...

Top 10 Most Kissable Animals

Moray eels. Swoon! There’s a reason their name sounds like the Latin word for “love”. What’s more romantic than a trustworthy partner? Kiss a tiger and know that, despite the fact they could horrifically maim or kill you,...