The Eternal Flame of Couch Burning

When I envision how couch burning started in this glorious city we call home, a couple of scenarios go through my mind. Maybe our young hero who, sick of having flat arguments about heat pump usage, had a fit of rage and decided to burn the living room furniture as if to say “Fuck you ya cheap bastards! You take my heat pump remote? I’ll take your couch. Quid pro quo, bitch.” Perhaps the tradition started as a comment on...

Turning Back the Pages of Time: Critic Through the Ages

Well, it’s come to this. We ran out of drugs to do, weird artists to interview and ways to make fun of commerce students. So, what do you do when you run out of ideas? When sitcoms ran out of ideas they’d string together clips from older episodes (or just put Joey and Rachel together, come the fuck on, Friends). Lacking two popular characters to put together (apparently, “forcing writers to date for popularity is...

Harleneing With The Stars

With a nervous gait, Harlene approaches my table of destiny (we couldn’t actually get her to do it, so we just got Chelle to pretend to be her). Trembling, she sits down. Harlene is seeking divine answers. I tell her I am most willing to oblige (for international fees). Harlene reluctantly complies, brandishing a wad of Sir Erns from her bosom. With the money on the table, she proceeds with her question:    “How is my...

Adam Sandler is the Karl Marx of our Generation: A Critical Analysis

18 films. Two psychoanalyses. One terrible comedy album. We have now reached the end of our time here at Mr. Sandler, Bring Me a Dream. What a journey we have been on together. To be honest, there was a period in which I didn’t even know if I would be writing this. But here we are. For real, I don’t really know what I expected to come from this column, or even why I decided to do this in the first place. Apart from having...

The Top Things of 2018

Here at Critic, we consider it our job to tell you what to think so that you don’t have to. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves while we eat fish n chips and get on the piss and then justify it as journalism by writing about it afterwards. Anyway, here’s a list of the best things of 2018. Some we’ve already declared in earlier issues, some we’re just making up on the spot right now because it needed to be...