Cultivate Me

Like many people, I have struggled to discover my place in the world. One day some friends were discussing the Manson murders, which provoked an epiphany. I would indeed find my place … in a cult. I immediately set about attempting to join a cult which is defined following criteriae: They worship a specific entity, being, or concept. As a collective group they have enemies (i.e. people they do not like). They have rituals or...

A Herbal Hellscape

It’s common knowledge that humans don’t know everything. We might have figured out how to make handheld phones with cameras so that we can take pictures of our junk and send them to people on the other side of the world, but there’s a lot we still don’t know. This is especially true in the medical sphere. For all our advances, there are still countless unexplained medical phenomena, undiagnosed diseases, and diseases...

A Satanic Setup

“The night is dark, and full of terrors,” whispers Leroy. “Fuck off, Leroy,” you respond. “I’m tired of hearing about that Game of Thrones bullshit.” Your group of friends crosses the field, dark clouds massing above, blocking out the stars and surrounding the lonely moon. Tall, pale grass scratches at your ankles… or it would be scratching at your ankles, but you’re wearing Hi-Top...

I Fucked a Fleshlight and it Was the Most Depressing 34 Minutes of My Life

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not out here trying to act like I’m some stud. A cute girl looks at my dick and it’ll go off like Mentos in a Coke bottle. But damn… this Fleshlight is. Not. The. Move. I’m a tried and true five finger veteran (at least 10 years of regular wanks on record), but this was my first time fucking a Fleshlight, and I was a bit stoked. Haven’t been with a girl in a while, and...

Taking It To The Grave

Southern Cemetery: Dunedin’s first major cemetery opened in 1858, and you can see the wear in the headstones. Perched atop a hill overlooking the large flat basin that makes up most of the town centre, the dearly departed have a lovely sweeping view of the city they died in. With five main sections, including Chinese and Jewish plots, there is a wide range of dead people to be found on the hilltops. The lack of a map makes it difficult...

Critic Blind Date

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email...

UoO Moaningful Confessions

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to...

Critic Booze Reviews

Ivanov Vodka is THAT bitch. A trustworthy, hard to find, bitch. She’s got your back when everyone at the party’s talking about how you slept with so-and-so, and will probably scream in the...

Students to Watch

In June last year, Aidan Barbour-Ryan set himself a personal challenge to run every day for a year. One month in, the 21-year-old marketing student decided that his challenge could benefit more people...

OUSA Executive Give Dying Man Life Membership

Last month, the OUSA Executive bestowed the honour of lifetime OUSA membership on Michael Tull. The Exec gave the life membership after seeing a Facebook post by Tull that said he was...

Students Still Waiting For a Sexual Misconduct Policy

A month after the University approved a Sexual Violence Misconduct policy, students are still waiting to find out what that policy...

ODT Watch

  Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.     Honestly? The ODT has published a lot of filth but this takes the cake. The only kind of sex that should be promoted in any piece of media is vanilla missionary sex...

Critic Breaks Down the OUSA Referendum Questions

In an impressive show of #studentengagement, 38 student submitted questions ended up in the upcoming OUSA Referendum. Admittedly, Critic submitted 21 questions, but most of those were actually...

A conversation with Tracey Crampton Smith, Otago’s Pagan chaplain

Organised religion is fine, but you have to admit it’s clingy. There’s a lot of reading, a church with real walls (as...

Top 10 Scariest Things from My Childhood that I've Tried to Repress

1. The red screen that comes up on a PlayStation 2 when you put the wrong disc in 2. That TV ad where you watch a house burn...

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