Out Standing in His Field

60,000,000 tonnes of beef is eaten worldwide every year. So that settled it. I would have to become a cow. I watched a thrilling documentary called “How to be a Cow” and it was without a doubt the most significant and life-changing 60 seconds of my entire life. From this video, I learned some important rules surrounding what it takes to be a cow. For example, you have to be able to sing and dance, you must eat grass, and...

A Meaningful Interview With Meaningful Confessions

“What does my super religious girlfriend and medicine have in common? I don't think I'll ever get in either of them,” is one of the latest confessions received by UoO: Meaningful Confessions. With over 17,000 likes on Facebook, the page was set up for students to anonymously confess their deepest secrets, library crushes, and rants. Although the admin moderator team changes, Critic got an exclusive interview with some of the...

Otago University Trades Suicide Prevention Framework For ‘Wellbeing Matrix’

Despite working on a Suicide Prevention Framework for over a year, the Healthy University Advisory Group (HUAG) have decided to replace it with a ‘Wellbeing Matrix’. A framework is basically a set of ideas and principles about how something should work (so, how suicide could be prevented, theoretically), whereas a matrix is just a cool way of saying ‘network’. Both of these imply that they are a guideline of some sort, as...

When Opportunity Knocks

A small town gal in the big city exercises her gosh-darn given right to hunt for bargains on the mean streets of Dunedin, while giving the lowdown on what’s good, what’s bad and what’s ugly.   Orphan’s Aid Op Shop Quiet and small-ish, on the far side of the Botans, Orphan’s Aid walks the fine line between “cool” and “old lady”. It definitely houses some interesting pieces you may...

Students to Watch Out For: Joe and Thor

Have you ever dangled your legs over the edge of Lover’s Leap while drinking the finest three-day old bong water? Or ever finished your yardie of Billy Mavs only to find out that three caps were secretly placed in it? Or ever ate vomit out of the 10Bar bathrooms just for a Snapchat? Local shit-cunts Joe Madsen and Thor Elley are no stranger to these kinds of antics. After humble beginnings as lab partners for PHSI191, Joe and Thor have been...

Editorial: I Don’t Want to Live in a World Without the Giant Mountain Lobelia

Ok, buckos. It’s happened. I’ve snapped. This was the last fucking straw. I was on board, but now I’m jumping...

Otago Uni Says Nup to 126,000 Cups

Otago Uni has announced that as of July 15, they will be phasing out disposable cups across all campus cafes. The first three cafes to be affected by this change will be St. Davids, Te Mātiti and...

University Set to Start Charging for Cup Libraries

In your daily update of ceramic news, the University is set to start charging for use of cup libraries, with borrowers paying $1 to get a cup and on returning it will get $1 off their next coffee...

Horoscopes

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 An R18 Mr Whippy van, but for cum. It’s so crazy that it just might work. This week’s website: http://111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111.com/   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 If...

Critic Booze Reviews

At some point in your university education, you will inevitably go through a cider phase. Most fools automatically reach for the bright, garish Scrumpy, but a few - the few who dare to dream bigger -...

UoO Moaningful Confessions

The downside of dating an international exchange student is that whatever meaningful connection you’ve made has a 5-month...

Critic Blind Date

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email...

NZUSA are Preparing to Fight “Tweaks” to the Fees-Free Policy

Although the National Student Union, NZUSA, started the year at a $74,000 deficit, the entire staff of James Ranstead (President)...

OPINION: My eQuals is Bullshit

“Pay $30 so that employers can trust that your grades are what you say they are, you lying/untrustworthy/deceitful student.” Underneath it all, that’s the vibe of My eQuals. The system is based on the idea that students want to scam employers...

Savoury Scroll “No Longer Worthy” Of Hilarious $4.20 Price Tag

An anonymous student has accused St. David’s Cafe of shrinking the size of their savoury scrolls. In an interview with...

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