There are many ways in which we can become better people in this society. Dunedin is an ever-expanding, diverse, and lively city full of all colours of the rainbow. Maybe you don’t think you’re one of those guys. Maybe when you're at a flat party and see a queer couple you only stare for a little while. Maybe you even come along to trans rights protests. But there’s always some way to improve. Essentially, this is a wikiHow to be a decent human being, because it really shouldn’t be much of an ask to treat people with respect. Sometimes even the little things we do or how we naturally think are homophobic in ways we don’t even realise. So, for all you non-Communications students, here’s a guide to some critical thought!
PART 1: Expand Your Vocabulary
First and foremost, the dictionary is a great read. I promise you, you’ll find hundreds of words you could substitute for the F-slur. And no, funny guy, I’m not referring to a bundle of sticks. Even light, subtle homophobic language can be harmful. It’s the naturalisation and normalisation of these particular forms of speech that embed hateful messaging into our everyday language. Don’t give us that “but gay means happy” excuse; we all know you didn’t mean it that way when it exited your mouth. If you don’t like someone, there are so many things you could say instead. Critic humbly suggests these alternatives:
- “Fuck off” is a classic. It’s a cuss-word for you naughty folk but has no historical offensive connotations. Brilliant!
- Nothing! You could just say nothing. Yes, maybe they’re an asshole but don’t dizzy yourself into one.
- Alternatively, could you even have a productive conversation where you listen to each other and try to come to a collective understanding even if you fundamentally disagree? No? Well, we tried.
PART 2: Realise Gender is a Social Construct
It doesn’t take a Communications major to connect the dots on this one, but for those of you who are ill-informed, it’s true! Like the economy, gender is just another thing we made up. While sex refers to the organs of your body, specifically genitalia, gender is entirely performative. It’s a form of self expression, just like figuring out whether committing to Health Sci was a complete mistake. Sometimes we get it wrong, but it’s all part of the learning curve.
- Quit getting pissed off at people’s pronouns. It’s basic respect to refer to someone in the way they identify. It's okay to get confused or make mistakes, but at the same time we’ve got bigger fish to fry in this world than trivial subjects like this.
- They’re no Judith Butler, but Limp Bizkit said it best; we really are just ladies, fellas, and people who don’t give a fuck.
PART 3: Coming Out Culture: Hot Take
Coming out culture has increasingly become highly attributed to the queer identity, and it is generally assumed as a ritual to complete if one were to realise they did identify in such a way. Here’s some hot takes about this one:
- Coming out culture only works to abnormalise queerness further
- Heterosexuality should not be assumed upon people. Coming out culture only emphasises the socially deemed abnormal nature of queerness.
- Queerness isn’t a choice, it’s a form of identity. The same way you may hate gelato ice cream (wrong) while someone else might love it. Why do you feel that way? It’s hard to put words to, but you just do. You also don’t feel like you need to ‘come out’ about it. Same with queerness – why should you have to label yourself and actively promote a personal part of your identity?
PART 4: Misconceptions and Things Sex-ED Missed
There are many things we didn’t get told coming into the real world, especially university. Those ‘talks’ that some Otago halls give you don’t usually suffice, and there’s a lot to learn about the world. Here’s little tidbits we wish had been clarified earlier in education:
- Just because someone is queer, doesn’t mean they love you. A common queer experience is the assumption of sexual or romantic desires towards virtually everyone you come in close contact with. Like anyone, queer people have standards.
- You actually don’t have to label yourself if you don’t want to. Love who you love, it’s as simple as that.
- Being queer is not abnormal, and it’s not an alternative woke lifestyle. Liberal extremists on the internet are not representative of queer folk, and should not be treated as such. Being an asshole is never a quality or result of queerness, but a result of being a shitty person.
TIPS (and tricks?)
- Did you know that if you wink with your left eye, then your right eye, squeeze the bridge of your nose and breathe out you’ll be able to see more clearly? Neither did I, because that’s probably not true. But you know what is? Lesbian women orgasm 75% of the time from sex, compared with 61% for heterosexual women. Hell yeah.
- The queer space is never one to be afraid of. Have open conversations with the people around you! ChatGPT may have written your gender studies essay but I guarantee it won’t be a major turnpoint in your journey of self discovery.
- Remember that identity is fluid, ever-evolving and not a particular thing to ‘discover’. Revel in your existence, experiment, and try new things out. You’ll gravitate to what you enjoy in one way or another.
Hopefully this criticHow provided some kind of enlightenment. Maybe you realised something within yourself, or maybe it served as a bit of comfort to your identity. Reality is what we make it, there is no objective way to think or be. The world would be a much better place if people were good for the sake of it, so realise your power in love and kindness in the face of a harsh and careless world. We are capable of love in every same way we are capable of hate, and you have control over which will dominate. We’re all broke Otago students and we’re all going through the same shit. There’s always steps we can take to make this space a little more bearable. So, bottom line: be an ally!