Archive

Rheineck Lager Is A Goddamn Scam

Posted 3:18pm Thursday 1st November 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Here's the thing about Rheineck: Every week I stroll past the beer section and see an enticing $14.99 for a 12 pack. ‘Gee, what a great deal’ I think to myself. I’m ashamed to admit the number of times I’ve picked up a box and taken it home, only to realise my Read more...

Famous Grouse Is Pure Fucking Gasoline

Posted 3:15pm Thursday 1st November 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Famous Grouse fucking hurts. It burns with the fury of a thousand young Nats after Winston went with the red team.  It’s a vile liquid that could only come from the sort of country that takes pride in eating haggis, playing the bagpipes and throwing big fuck off logs as far as Read more...

Woodstock Is the Biggest Bitch Drink in New Zealand

Posted 11:30am Wednesday 10th October 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Woodstock a sickly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock Read more...

People Who Willingly Drink Bavaria 8.6 Are Psychopaths

Posted 11:19am Wednesday 10th October 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

The Bavaria 8.6er is beer flavoured paint stripper in a convenient 440ml can. I'm 86% sure I once saw Bear Grylls use this to start a fire on Man vs Wild. The fiery lick of this "beer" hurts more than the idea of a left wing government hurts Mike Hoskings feelings. I’d rather Read more...

New Zealand Lager Is the Most Influential Beer in This Nation’s History

Posted 10:47pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

New Zealand Lager is a triumph. Brewing in this country has a long and rocky history, with a lot of bad beers and a lot of good beers. But none has been greater than this delectable drop. Fun Fact: the country ‘New Zealand’ actually derives its name from New Zealand Lager, because it is Read more...

The Week the ODT Tried to Make Old People Feel Better About Dying

Posted 8:27pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Welcome to the last ODT Watch of the year. To start this week, apparently a local fish and chip shop has been amassing weapons of mass destruction.       Tsk. You can never tell with some culinary establishments. One day they’re saying they love you and the next Read more...

All The Time We Scooped the ODT This Year

Posted 6:51pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Critic: 26 February – Re:Fuel Rebrands as Ubar ODT: 28 March - Business as usual for University Bar    Critic: 5 March – University Cracks Down on Initiations ODT: 7 March – Students Excluded Over Urine and Booze-soaked Initiation   Critic: 5 March Read more...

Lunchtime Quickie

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by The Scarfie Chef

Buckle in, because this is a gamechanger. I’m about to teach you how to make food that looks like store-bought mini-savouries but way, way cheaper for your broke ass.  This recipe can be changed depending on what you have on hand, the only ingredients you absolutely need are eggs and Read more...

Love is Blind | JFK and Marilyn

Posted 4:37pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Ombrellos and Cello. That's it for the year! If you want to give the Critic Blind Date a shot, we'll be accepting applications again from February 2019.     JFK I Read more...

Dear Aunt Zo and Uncle Jim, what are the top ten pieces of advice, in the whole world?

Posted 3:03pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis

Ranked, in order: Always make sure a glass of wine is available Drive a large vehicle and then you can see more Fun and failure start the same way Advice is much harder to make up if you don’t have it pre-prepared The best way to keep your clothes white is by using warm wash, Read more...