Pisces
You're a little ‘in your feels’ this week and the weather is pushing you closer and closer to seasonal depression. Push yourself to get out of bed a little earlier every day and by the end of the week you will have a smile back on that dial!
What dinosaur are you: Therizinosaurus
Libra
Avoid all sour foods this week and don’t try something new in ANY aspect of your life. Change is not meant for you this week so don't push yourself at all, otherwise you will burn yourself out for the challenges that you must take on from Friday onwards.
What dinosaur are you: Archaeopteryx
Aries
You're a whirlwind of chaos this week. There is no stopping the destruction and fun that you bring with you everywhere. Everyone around you is aware of the vibes that you control, so remember that the party doesn't start till you walk in.
What dinosaur are you: Ankylosaurus
Sagittarius
The July moon is fucking up your taste buds and making even the most delicious of meals taste like ash. Try to recentre yourself by ensuring you are brushing daily and maybe try a swig of mouthwash on Wednesday to give you a bit of a hump-day refresh!
What dinosaur are you: Suchomimus
Aquarius
As life starts to settle down, try doing some of the things you love. Whether that is having a midday wank or picking up a new book, your need for entertainment is insatiable this week. Make sure to throw yourself into the activity to ensure maximum enjoyment.
What dinosaur are you: Gallimimus
Scorpio
You have a huge to-do list sitting in your notes app, but you'll be lucky if you even tick off half of it by Sunday. To mitigate this try setting up little rewards to incentives yourself into actually getting off your ass and stop doing sweet fuck all.
What dinosaur are you: Spinosaurus
Cancer
This is gonna be a great week for Cancers. Like maybe the best, so make sure to breathe in the sweet smell of victory and get everything risky you need to do this month done by the end of the week. Life is looking good for once, so take it all in, you never know when it'll go back to being shit.
What dinosaur are you: Troodon
Leo
It's time for a new haircut. Your dead ends are looking manky and a new do will probably give you a wee spark to life as well. Wednesday is looking good for you and your bank account, so shout your friends a round of drinks at Pint Night!
What dinosaur are you: Pyroraptor
Capricorn
Someone has been thinking about you a lot lately. This is not necessarily romantic just yet but if you are open to a short fling then lock in and figure out who your secret admirer is. Keep your heart a little guarded though – they have a lot of potential to break it.
What dinosaur are you: Dilophosaurus
Taurus
Keep on top of your tasks this week. Uni has already started to kick your butt and we don't want a repeat of last semester do we? Try being one step ahead of your evil lecturers and get those readings or quizzes done a few days in advance.
What dinosaur are you: Carnotaurus
Virgo
Listen to Beyoncé this week. Shake your tail to ‘Virgo’s Groove’ or cry your heart out to ‘Be Alive’. Whatever the mood, she has something that will speak to your soul. And once again, Critic Te Ārohi would just like to thank Beyoncé.
What dinosaur are you: Giganotosaurus
Gemini
You are feeling a little uncomfortable in your situations right now and there are many ways of appeasing this. The biggest being listening to those around you for advice, they know you best and can offer a second opinion when you're not feeling great about your decisions.
What dinosaur are you: Chickens (coz Google says they are)