Sup snowers and blowers!
It was snowing a couple weeks ago, and not the kind of snow you find in the Hyde Street portaloos. Safe to say, we got rinsed on the day we were supposed to write this, but what better to write about than day drinking!? You can’t say snow to a no-day.
We couldn’t have been more excited to gaf uni for the second time that week, snowboard down London Street, and prepare some hot choc for pres and aprés.
This isn’t the kind of hot choc you give to just anyone. It’s certainly not the kind they serve at Aquinas (fuck Aquinas). You could, however, consider feeding it to your underage cousin at midwinter Christmas. We probably would.
Anyways, here’s our ingredients list:
- Jim Beam Whiskey: must be from duty free – unless you’re coming back from Bali. Fuck your Bintangs.
- Captain Morgan Spiced Rum: must be from duty free. Fuck you, Aquinas (again for good measure).
- Value milk: like 3 litres of it, ig.
- Cadbury Drinking Chocolate: more than you think you should put in.
- Sugar: necessary for carb loading before a big day on the slopes.
- 2x whipping cream canisters: one for topping and another for “festivities”.
- Balloons: for said “festivities”.
Instructions:
- Put all ingredients into a pot except the whipped cream and the balloons… duh. Heat it up but don’t let it boil.
- While that's getting to a toasty temp, fill the time with some “festivities”.
- Add more rum and whiskey to taste. Kidding! Who the fuck drinks for taste? Put more in, you loser.
- Realise you’re not as hard as you think you are, and add more milk, hot chocolate powder and sugar. Stir it around etcetera and then take it off the heat. We don’t have all day.
- Pour into mugs (hopefully ones that look a bit better than yours) and put whipped cream on top, using the canister that was not sacrificed to “festivities”.
- Drink enough to convince yourself you’re the man, then make another catastrophically unnecessary decision.
- The Bog is open on Tuesdays.
- There is no security at The Bog on Tuesdays.
- Line (up to your interpretation) the bog at The Bog.
- It’s now Wednesday.
We hope our concise instructions were concise and easy enough to read for all of you whose mothers drank the hot chocolate. Use this for your next snow day, when it never comes. Thanks global warming.
It wasn’t a hit last time we did this but maybe you’ll pay us now we’ve Annabel Langbein’d this joint. Here’s our bank account again: 12-3161-0526840-01. Donate to support independent student investigative journalism, as is exemplified in this column.
Drink responsibly, or at least tactically.
