Horoscopes: Week 8

Posted 5:05pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquarius, you have been busy, and it’s showing. The dark circles and chapped lips aren't cute. Sometimes taking a night off the booze is a good idea so you won't look 20 going on 35. Your turn on: Netflix adaptation of Wattpad porn Pisces A bad week is in the cards for Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 7

Posted 1:19pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius You’re at a crossroads this week. Either accept that you have tummy issues and swap to oat milk or shit yourself in the most embarrassing place possible: three metres away from the bouncer outside U-Bar.  Strain of weed to try: Sour Diesel Pisces You take a creative Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 6

Posted 8:28pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius When life gives you lemons, make a vodka LLB (lemon, lime and bitters), sit back and watch the world burn. There is nothing you can do to save those plebs. Your morning mantra: I am healthy, I am wealthy Pisces You are very aware of your surroundings this week. While your intuition is Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 5

Posted 3:04pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Your rizz is at an all-time high. Now’s the time to start talking to your lecturers and tutors nicely. Build that relationship so that when you inevitably forget to hand in assignments, there isn't too much blowback. Sexy-time song: ‘Close’ by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 4

Posted 5:10pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquababes, you are levelling up and recognising your worth. Financially you're doing amazing, finally curbing that wee spending habit. Stay focused and remember: just because it's on sale, that doesn't mean you're losing money if you don't buy it. Sweet treat of the Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 3

Posted 1:27pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius You have a good head on your shoulders, so why are you leading them on? It’s not like you to be so flaky with romance and friendships. Figure out what you want and commit – it won’t be easy, but it’s better than the guilt, Aquarius.  Habit to pause: Hitting Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 2 2024

Posted 4:21pm Saturday 2nd March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquarius, 2024 is the year to be you. Wear that kinda ugly op-shop top or those shoes that hurt to walk in. You make it look good!  Dunedin hot spot to visit: First Church Pisces Sometimes it feels like everyone hates you, and maybe they do. You’re still hot though, Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 1 2024

Posted 4:47pm Sunday 25th February 2024 by Critic

Aquarius  Put the fucking pastel highlighters down - it’s too early to start colour-coding things. Organisation won’t bring you the comfort you crave, but people will. Get out there and don’t let the start of sem pass you by.  New Year’s resolution to ditch: All Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 26

Posted 12:43pm Sunday 8th October 2023 by Critic

Aquarius  This is for everybody going through tough times. Believe me: been there, done that, but every day above ground is a good day. Remember that.    Indulgence to succumb to: Fighting with your conservative family members.   Pisces  Soon you’ll Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 25

Posted 11:03am Sunday 1st October 2023 by Critic

Aquarius  Time to sit back, relax, and think about the Roman Empire.    Area to self-improve on: Being rational and deploying logic.    Pisces  Say goodbye to your people pleaser era, Pisces. You have been far too kind and tolerant of other Read more...