Horoscopes: Issue 3 2026

Posted 11:53am Sunday 8th March 2026 by The Orb

Scorpio Your lecturer keeps mumbling and refuses to wear their mic right, causing that all-too-familiar antsy feeling to creep back in. So this time, rather than changing your whole degree again, try going to UniPol and get that serotonin hit that makes you feel grounded. Your perfect crime: Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 2 2026

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 1st March 2026 by The Orb

Pisces It's time to go for another round of groceries, because that fuzzy mush in the back of your fridge will not sustain you. Break open your piggy bank and have a cry in New World when you see how much eggs cost this week. If you were a drug you'd be: Ritalin Capricorn Your Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 26 2025

Posted 2:05pm Monday 13th October 2025 by The Orb

Pisces You have been drinking way too much alcohol and having too much fun considering how close to the end of the semester we are. Time to take a break from staying up until 3am every night of the weekend and time to lock yourself in the library to get shit done. Your tattoo style: Read more...

Horoscopes Issue 25 2025

Posted 9:56pm Saturday 4th October 2025 by The Orb

Pisces Your daydreams have been full of love, art, and a future where you don't live in your shithole flat. It is awesome to have hopes and dreams, but remember that the bed you dream in needs its sheets changed at least every month. And lately that has not been the case. Task to tick off the Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 24 2025

Posted 10:55pm Sunday 28th September 2025 by The Orb

Pisces This month you have felt like ‘a plastic bag, drifting through the wind’ and that is more than okay. Sometimes people just don't feel grounded, and that little voice in your head telling you “we live on a floating rock, nothing matters” really does not help. Your Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 23 2025

Posted 5:46pm Sunday 21st September 2025 by The Orb

Pisces Try to be present this week. You're exhausted and that makes it easy to check out. But your friends have put a lot of effort into seeing you and checking up on your wellbeing, so don't do them dirty by being uninterested in their lives. Your Biggie’s Pizza Order: Victoria Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 22 2025

Posted 12:06pm Monday 15th September 2025 by The Orb

Pisces Burnout is imminent. Try stop it before it happens otherwise the rest of your year is probably wharked. Try getting a good sleep schedule, or a good energy drink regimen to help bring a bit more energy into your life. Tō Wero Reo Māori: Swap “leshgo” for Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 21 2025

Posted 10:40am Sunday 7th September 2025 by The Orb

Pisces Flat drama is brewing like the cups of Earl Grey left in your kitchen. Try to stay out of the way of the crossfire and lock yourself in your room or the library.  Microwave meal to make: Mixed chicken and beef two minute noodles Libra A hazy, dreamy cloud shrouds you this week. Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 20 2025

Posted 3:24pm Sunday 24th August 2025 by The Orb

Pisces Your flatmate dishes are starting to look like a biohazard. Channel your fiery rage into either cleaning them or weaponising them to tear the flat dynamic apart in the group chat. Either way, it's a good way to get some of those pent up emotions out. This week's crime: Catfish your Read more...