Dunedin's Bar Stereotypes

Dunedin's Bar Stereotypes


  • Name: Jess
  • 18 years old. Has a REAL I.D.
  • Also seen in: St David, Arana, Central Library.
  • Lives on Vodka Cruisers and Jägerbombs.
  • Shows up at 9:30.
  • Has way too much energy.
  • Puts everything on daddy’s credit card but still complains about being “a broke student”.



  • Name: Marcus
  • Wannabe music elitist.
  • Will make fun of you for not knowing Mac DeMarco and Kane Strang.
  • Thinks $5 is a good deal for a handle.
  • Waited 40 minutes to get in. Trying to convince himself it was worth it.
  • Very good at doing a sober face to trick the bouncer.


The Cook:

  • Name: Kat
  • Actual music elitist.
  • Real name is Kate, but dropped the “e” because it’s too mainstream.
  • Identifies as non-binary.
  • Has very strong opinions about the ‘New Dunedin Sound’. Not clear whether she’s for or against.
  • Doesn’t drink any beer you can find in a supermarket.
  • Wears fancy shoes and a gross-looking jacket that cost $300.


Dunedin Social Club:

  • Name: Stu
  • Wears brown leather jackets to pair with his beard.
  • Uses words like “hops,” “aromatics” and “mouthfeel”.
  • Refers to Speight’s as “GMA” so it sounds fancy.
  • Thinks drinking craft beer gives him a personality. It doesn’t. 



  • Name: Steve
  • 29 but still hits on freshers.
  • Desperate for a pash tonight. Won’t get a pash. 
  • Surrounded by the alluring aroma of Pall Malls.
  • Even his mates consider him a pest. They ditched him to go to Social Club.



  • Name: Steve
  • Couldn’t get a pash at Suburbia.
  • Can’t get one here either, despite trapping a fresher girl in a corner for 3 minutes.
  • Drinks dark beer to suit his personality.



  • Name: Gus
  • Age: 18 but looks 30; or 30 but acts 18. Either way it’s not good.
  • Dropped $20 on the TAB. Watched the wrong horse race (he bet on a dog). 
  • Drinks $8.50 jugs of Baa Draught, after pre-drinking SoGos.
  • Doesn’t know any better.
  • When you catch him playing the pokies in there at 4pm on a Tuesday, he makes up a hasty lie about waiting for some laundry to be finished at the launderette across the street.
  • Wants you to know that his drinking team has a rugby problem.



  • Name: Erica
  • Says she’s “not like other girls”.
  • Is pretty much like most girls.
  • Will have a vodka lime and soda please but only if you’re also buying one for her perpetually unlucky-in-love friend Hannah. They are a two-girl wolf pack after a few wines, you see.



  • Name: Meghan
  • Is above going to the student bars and listening to top 40 now that she has a job in HR.
  • Goes to live jazz nights and shouts loudly over the music (because even though she’s too good for top 40, she’s definitely not smart enough for jazz).
  • What she really wants is to go to Carousel but had a falling out with Erica and Hannah, so isn’t keen to show her face there anymore.



  • Name: Thom
  • 31 but dressed in NOM*d and beanies so looks about 28.
  • Definitely has a French Bulldog.
  • Doesn’t like the commercial street art around town because it’s not underground enough.
  • Half the girls in Dunedin are in love with him but he only dates super artistic cool manic pixie dream girls.
  • Hangs out at Slick Willy’s on a weekday drinking coffee and talking to his super cool friend who works there.


Inch Bar

  • Name: Amy
  • Is into gaming.
  • Is not into being around lots of people.
  • Enjoys podcasts and food purchased from caravans.
  • Will most definitely come back to yours for a bong.
  • Low-key considering trying some standup comedy next year but is still planning her set (it’s going to be really good though so watch this space).



  • Name: Shane
  • Age: 49
  • Is on ACC because he “did his back in,” therefore keeps a strict 10am - 5pm pub schedule.
  • Reads the ODT at the same table that he sits at every day while watching the horses.
  • Is starting to get really worried because when Heff’s closes his entire world will be flipped upside down.
  • Is incredibly sexist, racist and into Bathurst.


This article first appeared in Issue 15, 2018.
Posted 5:46pm Thursday 12th July 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald.