Archive
Denying Them Data: Is it Possible to Function With No Footprint?
Posted 11:17pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Wyatt Ryder
In 2015, the Chinese Government allowed eight companies to establish a social credit system that would automatically rank citizens according to their data (presumably after binge watching Black Mirror). The blueprints for these plans claim that the goal is to “allow the trustworthy to roam Read more...
Close Encounters of the Bird Kind
Posted 11:15pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Critic
When Critic gets invited somewhere with the promise of free food and VIP treatment, it’s fuckin’ on. We gleefully headed out to the Otago Peninsula to see some albatross on a drizzly Saturday, which turned out to be a truly magical day of colonialism, petty theft, and cool bird Read more...
Big Hits 2: Critic Goes to Half a Leauge Football Game in Wellington
Posted 11:12pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Oscar Francis
I arrived at Wakefield Park at five minutes to halftime. It was forty minutes past eight on a Thursday evening and I was running late for no good reason. Aside from me, there were two other spectators: Bryn and Tintin, both ex-Otago students. I mentioned I was writing an article for Critic to Read more...
Stitch Kitchen: a Local Solution to a Global Problem
Posted 10:53pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Nina Minogue
Fast fashion is an issue that is so big it sometimes feels hopeless. So much so that in first year after I watched a Netflix documentary called The True Cost I swore a silent oath that I wouldn’t buy any new clothing for a year. The good news is that there are lots of things you can do to Read more...
Otago’s Best Dressed Lecturers
Posted 10:48pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Phillip Plant
Critic tracked down the lecturers with the hottest threads and awkwardly got them to talk to us about what makes their style so fresh. As any postgrad knows, it's much better to sniff lecturers out and catch them by surprise in the real world - that way they don't have time to ghost your Read more...
The Fashion of the OUSA Executive
Posted 10:33pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Sinead Gill
The OUSA Exec is there to represent us as students, and a big part of that comes with how they present themselves to the general public. Clothes are the window to the soul, so what better way to get to know the Exec than by roasting their fashion sense. Critic cornered the Exec when they least Read more...
Harlene Hayne / Get The Look
Posted 10:31pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald
“Regatta Chic Harlene” (pictured above) Harlene is here pictured pretending she cares about rowing by pouring a magnum of bubbly over a rowboat. Yes, that’s how you do the rowing, Harlene. Well done. You win cox. Readers can get the look by purchasing black clothing Read more...
An Impulse Purchas
Posted 9:55pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Caroline Moratti
Even if you haven’t heard of Sam Purchas, chances are you’ve seen him. When he’s not running unsuccessful campaigns for ACT MP of Dunedin North, he’s strutting around university in bright floral suits, polyester red coats, and paisley shirts. In a town full of Huffer surf Read more...
How to Judge a Goon by its Cover
Posted 6:06pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Fox Meyer
The Question In 2017 I bought a bottle of wine with a dog on the label, and I’ve spent the last two years trying to figure out why I did that. It started with a simple question: “How does an animal on a wine label effect the price?” I thought “expensive wines usually Read more...
When Harmful Drinking is the Norm
Posted 6:00pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald
In late 2016, I decided to become one with wellness and stop drinking - I wanted to excel at uni, improve my health, and have more energy. I wasn’t some stereotypical rock-bottom drinker who had ruined relationships and career prospects by drinking, but the thought of a social situation Read more...
Dunnaz Inspired Cocktail Kiwiana (D.I.C.K.)
Posted 5:31pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Saskia Rushton-Green
Marmitini (pictured above) An iconic Kiwi cocktail, this should be on every local up and coming mixologist’s list of drinks to master. Ingredients: 150mL Seager’s Lime Twisted gin 24mL dry Vermouth 1 generous drop of Marmite To garnish: Marmite toast Read more...
The Great Critic Pub Crawl
Posted 5:12pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath
My loves, I am writing this to you from a pit of deep despair: my bathroom floor. I’ve been here for what feels like hours. It’s the early morning and I can see the sun rise if I position my head at a three quarter angle over the toilet bowl. It’s a beautiful day. I wrench the last Read more...
Nightmare Lives of RAs 2: The Revenge
Posted 8:33pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Caroline Moratti
*Zoe is a Residential Assistants (RA) at a hall of residence owned by the University of Otago. This year, Zoe works at an hourly rate of $17.70, which is minimum wage, for 34 hours a fortnight. Her take-home pay per fortnight is $564, while her hall of residence rent is $690, leaving her with a Read more...
Stripping for Monet
Posted 8:31pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Caroline Moratti
Like any woman, it’s fair to say I have a complicated relationship with my body. By complicated, I mean a lifelong obsession and torment, and by relationship, I mean the kind where you get left on "seen" by your Tinder date and still tell your friends that it was a Read more...
This One Time When I Was Munted...
Posted 10:03am Monday 29th July 2019 by Natasha Parrant
North Dunedin is recognised as a city that goes quite hard – a reputation that has been earned year after year. Sure, not everyone drinks, but a lot of students get amongst it.. Whether its O-Week, Re-O, Hyde, St Patrick’s, Agnew, Courtchella, Backpacker’s Ball, the Manor, your Read more...
Swipe for Smack
Posted 1:01am Friday 26th July 2019 by Caroline Moratti
Drugs. Most people dabble in these illicit substances at some point, whether out of curiosity, thrill-seeking, peer pressure, or my personal favourite, questionable coping methods. That’s showbiz, baby. But the days of buying drugs from some affable Seth Rogen-type in a dodgy alleyway are Read more...
Literotica
Posted 6:12pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by Erin Gourley
My journey into the most sexually tense space on campus (the Science Library) begins with a catalogue search. Peering self-consciously around me, I wait until the coast was clear before typing “sex” into the library search computer on the third floor and then I dive into the Library of Read more...
Critic Dart Review
Posted 12:23am Friday 19th July 2019 by The Marlbros
Darts. Duzzas. Jesus Sticks. People seem to get strangely sheepish when discussing smoking. Most of us have tried it at some point, but whether or not you’re a fiend for the darts is up for your mum to decide when she smells cigarette smoke on your clothes. There is stigma around smoking, Read more...
Does Budget Dog Food Taste Worse Than Expensive Dog Food: A Critic Investigation
Posted 11:24pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by Saskia Rushton-Green
Dog food packaging is designed to target your pet through you. Buddy doesn’t care about buzz words like ‘succulent’ and ‘delicate’, he just wants a good feed. Ignoring how cancerous the ingredients probably are, Critic investigated the difference in appearance, aroma, Read more...
Critic Reviews the Local Dumpling Joints
Posted 10:22pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by Nina Minogue
The Dumpling Lady aka The Artist Formerly Known As Rising Sun Despite the heavy coverage in this year’s Critic, we are not actually sponsored by DL/TAFKARS, although we wish we were. This is a cheap and cheerful food truck on campus whose success can largely be attributed to the delightful Read more...
Window Shopping
Posted 10:18pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by Phillip Plant
Harry loves Sally, Oprah loves bread, and I love windows. There’s something quite special about staring sombrely out of a window, pretending you’re in some kind of indie movie where you say you hate your parents, but you secretly love them, and you can’t wait to lose your Read more...
The Best Bathrooms to Have Sex in on Campus
Posted 10:10pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by The University of Hoe-tago
Mum, if you’re reading this: I’m so sorry. University is a cesspit of horny motherfuckers. I mean, have you ever been to pint night? Everyone seems to be trying to book the first flight to pound town, but there aren’t many spaces for you to get your freak on around campus. Read more...
Out Standing in His Field
Posted 5:56pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Phillip Plant
60,000,000 tonnes of beef is eaten worldwide every year. So that settled it. I would have to become a cow. I watched a thrilling documentary called “How to be a Cow” and it was without a doubt the most significant and life-changing 60 seconds of my entire life. From this video, I Read more...
Rory And His Forest Garden
Posted 5:55pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Oscar Francis
On the North End of George Street, in an orange brick house bedecked with vines and separated from the street by a row of feijoa bushes, lives Rory and his forest garden. The George Street Orchard has been ex-Otago student Rory’s pet project for the past ten years. He invites me to try a Read more...
Kaka Vs. Kea: Dunedin Botanic Gardens Edition
Posted 5:53pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Oscar Francis
There are three, and only three, reasons that a student might visit this fair city’s botanic gardens. Firstly, drinking in a tree in an attempt to mimic an introduced marsupial. Secondly, trashing the fountains in the Mediterranean Garden by partying on the eve of a national tragedy. The third Read more...
When Opportunity Knocks
Posted 5:50pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters
A small town gal in the big city exercises her gosh-darn given right to hunt for bargains on the mean streets of Dunedin, while giving the lowdown on what’s good, what’s bad and what’s ugly. Orphan’s Aid Op Shop Quiet and small-ish, on the far side of the Read more...
Busting Dunedin’s Myths
Posted 11:30pm Thursday 4th July 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters
Dunedin. It seems that there is always some kind of local lore or big claim being made about this humble little city, usually by wheezing older men at the pub, or by drunk postgrads who believe that four years of living here has made them sheriffs of this here town. Sick of blindly believing the Read more...
Life After Health Sci
Posted 11:24pm Thursday 4th July 2019 by Esme Hall
It was August 2017 and Nick was getting med-worthy grades in Health Sciences First Year (HSFY). But he was not loving life. “I got quite anxious and didn’t feel confident in myself and my abilities. I started thinking I wouldn’t be a good doctor,” he said. Stress turned to Read more...
A Satanic Setup
Posted 6:27pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Owen Clarke
“The night is dark, and full of terrors,” whispers Leroy. “Fuck off, Leroy,” you respond. “I’m tired of hearing about that Game of Thrones bullshit.” Your group of friends crosses the field, dark clouds massing above, blocking out the stars and Read more...
A Herbal Hellscape
Posted 6:17pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Owen Clarke
It’s common knowledge that humans don’t know everything. We might have figured out how to make handheld phones with cameras so that we can take pictures of our junk and send them to people on the other side of the world, but there’s a lot we still don’t know. This is Read more...
Cultivate Me
Posted 6:12pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Phillip Plant
Like many people, I have struggled to discover my place in the world. One day some friends were discussing the Manson murders, which provoked an epiphany. I would indeed find my place … in a cult. I immediately set about attempting to join a cult which is defined following Read more...
Taking It To The Grave
Posted 6:08pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters
Southern Cemetery: Dunedin’s first major cemetery opened in 1858, and you can see the wear in the headstones. Perched atop a hill overlooking the large flat basin that makes up most of the town centre, the dearly departed have a lovely sweeping view of the city they died in. With five main Read more...
How I Became the Most Powerful Male Wiccan in North Dunedin
Posted 6:06pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Charlie O’Mannin
In the depths of time before the world came into being (2001), in a dark and distant land (the American Midwest), a book was made. This book was called “Wicca Spellcraft for Men” and I bought a copy of it from a library sale for a single smackeroo. After all, I was a man, and I was Read more...
I Went To A Men’s Rights Summit And They Tried To Recruit Me
Posted 11:39pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Oscar Francis
Why would anyone go to a men’s summit, in an age of online self help videos and feminism, let alone bother to host one? Critic decided it would be fun to try and find out what happens at these meetings, but as it turns out there was very little fun to be had. What follows is the gruelling true Read more...
I Sat in the Library and Reviewed Some Textbooks for Fun on a Friday Night
Posted 10:50pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Owen Clarke
There’s not a whole lot of positive shit I can say about academic textbooks. They’re heavy, boring, and smell like an old folks home. That said, I did enjoy wanking to page 44 of our Biology textbook back in Year 7 and Year 8, and maybe a few times in Year 9. Aside from that, and the Read more...
To Catch a Predator: Leaving Stuff Unattended in Various Libraries
Posted 9:11pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by James Joblin
Friends, the festivities of exam season are almost upon us and at this time we should give thanks for how blessed we are with our University. Believe it or not, some people will never get to live the classic Otago experience of watching a couch aflame with a mate’s shoe in one hand, a can Read more...
Too Much of a Good Thing: Why Students Get Breast Reductions
Posted 9:05pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by Erin Gourley
“I found my old bra the other day and I could put it over my face. Each boob was bigger than my head,” Dominique told me. She had a breast reduction when she was 17. "It was the best thing I ever did." Big boobs are seen as an attractive feature, like having long legs or Read more...
Big Hits: Critic Tackles Super Rugby
Posted 9:00pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by Oscar Francis
Fucking bagpipes. We walk past an ominous circle of tartan, practising on the tarmac like something out of Children of Men. “Jump in,” Amber the contracted PR person for the fast food restaurant says. Okay. We hop on the back of a modified golf buggy shaped like a chicken bucket. It Read more...
The Great Critic Hall Food Review
Posted 7:52pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by Critic
Over the past few weeks Critic has been sneaking into halls to review their food. We are fully aware that you can just buy meals at most of the halls, but our lives were getting dull and we needed some adrenaline to make us feel alive again. Also the Critic budget has been exhausted of late by Read more...
Meeting the Trainers of Dunedin: the Pokémon Go Capital of New Zealand
Posted 7:15pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by Sinead Gill
Creatures? Fights? Long walks along Studentville? No, we’re not talking about Castle on a Saturday. We’re talking Pokémon Go, baby. I used to think my flatmate was sneaking out at midnight for shameful ciggies. It took weeks before they confessed that they were, in fact, doing Read more...
Ranking the Rocks in the Geology Museum on their Chakra Alignment
Posted 7:14pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by Fox Meyer
Geology. The study of the terrestrial, of rocks and minerals, the earthy matter of the planet we all know and love. Yet what if this terrestrial study was in fact more extra… terrestrial? The rocks - minerals, actually - housed in the geology building are stored behind ancient glass panes Read more...
Critic Goes to Hyde
Posted 9:34pm Thursday 25th April 2019 by Owen Clarke
April 13. The infamous Hyde Street Party started off for me with a bit of a whimper. Our photographer, Aiman, and I were shown around, stone sober, by someone from OUSA, along with a bunch of other old-fart media guys from around town. It was 9:15am and nothing had kicked off yet - nobody was really Read more...
Critic’s Guide to the Best Food Trucks Around Uni
Posted 9:29pm Thursday 25th April 2019 by Erin Gourley
A restaurant with wheels. Food without a consistent location. Cuisine sans frontiers. A trailer filled with a range of hot cooking implements that must create some kind of health and safety hazard. As much as I love food trucks, they’re a bit weird. Ordering from a food truck is like Read more...
‘80s Playboys: Reviewing the Sins of Our Fathers
Posted 9:25pm Thursday 25th April 2019 by Wyatt Ryder
I’ve never really considered myself a classy man. The last time I wore a blazer was to the Hayward College Ball in 2017. The closest I’ve gotten to smoking a cigar is trying a ten dollar disposable vape out the back of The Bog. I don’t really understand what liqueur is, and I Read more...
“I Was Forced Out of My Home” – Interviews with Former Syrian Refugees
Posted 6:14pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Norhan El Sanjak
A day that started off as a movement working towards action for climate change rapidly turned into a day where New Zealand was shaken to its core. The video that circulated following the Christchurch mosque shootings deeply affected those who watched it. For two young Syrian refugees – Read more...
Beset By Debt | Overblown Student Loans
Posted 6:13pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald
Out of sight, out of mind. That’s how I found myself an additional $12K in the hole to IRD. A tale as old as time (the ’90s), many a former student will spin you a similar yarn. A yarn of how we all fucked off to Australia when National was elected in, in search of a better life. And Read more...
A Critic Sex Toy Review
Posted 3:33am Friday 5th April 2019 by Critic
Amore Sweet Bunny Vibe by Adulttoymegastore - on sale for $59.95 First of all, this toy is USB rechargeable, which is really the only way to go because it’s 2019. So, if you’re still sticking batteries in your vibrator, cease and desist. Under the sheets the sound was muffled Read more...
An Interview with the New Zealand Prostitutes Collective
Posted 9:28pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters
In 2003, the Prostitution Reform Act was passed, changing history and the lives of sex workers around New Zealand - the only country in the world where there is a law focusing on the human rights and wellbeing of sex workers. The New Zealand Prostitutes Collective (NZPC) is the closest equivalent to Read more...
The Great Critic Sex Store Review
Posted 9:28pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald
It’s hard out there to have yourself a good sexytime. Uni life is damn stressful, and sometimes it’s just so much easier to binge-watch hours of Kath & Kim before ending the night with a sad handy. But fear not! Chelle and Sinead took to the mean streets of the D to find the best Read more...
Calling Out Consent
Posted 9:18pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Sinead Gill
Content warning: sexual violence mentioned How do you know if someone wants to have sex with you? Seriously, how do you? This is the question that researchers like Dr Melanie Beres have asked over 100 people from a range of ages, genders, and sexual orientations. Their Read more...
The Conclusion to the Bed Sheet Wanker
Posted 9:09pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Owen Clarke
Read the mystery here “Ass, you sneaky bugger,” you say, pointing. “You said you were stargazing, but there aren’t even any stars out tonight! It’s too cloudy!” “Fuck,” says Ass. He shrugs and kicks at the floor. “To be fair Read more...
The Scandal of the Bed Sheet Wanker
Posted 9:07pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Owen Clarke
It’s dark. The sun has set, and thick clouds obscure any light from the stars and moon above. Streetlights are being lit, horse drawn carriages are clacking across cobblestones, people are wearing dumbass wigs, and it smells like shit everywhere because, well, people are basically throwing Read more...
Don’t Fuck With Me! I Learned Kung Fu in a Shipping Container
Posted 11:21pm Thursday 28th March 2019 by Owen Clarke
Shipping containers. “The melting pot of the human condition,” said Nietzsche. The “ultimate proving ground for the spirit of mankind,” said Kierkegaard. Or were both those quotes from my high school weed dealer, Big Steve, who lived in a shipping container himself? When I Read more...
For Those of Us Left Behind: How to Grieve
Posted 11:14pm Thursday 28th March 2019 by Esme Hall
Content warning: suicide, Christchurch shooting My best friend committed suicide in 2017. When I started working at Critic the following year, I wanted to write about grieving that irrevocable loss. I wanted to do something with my pain. Scrape it off me and mould it into Read more...
Is Hayward Haunted? An Investigation Based Purely on Rumour and Speculation
Posted 10:31pm Thursday 28th March 2019 by Wyatt Ryder
It’s always been a difficult task to pin down a ghost. Developments in science and technology have led many people to believe that ghosts aren’t real. Despite this, rumours of spooky happenings still manage to spread throughout our society, and colleges are hotbeds of rumour. In a Read more...
The Most Pointless Phrasebook You’ll Ever Read
Posted 11:36pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Erin Gourley
None of these phrases will help you find a train station. But at least you’ll learn some Arabic slang, a few Cherokee phrases, and a selection of Japanese inspirational quotes. German Er ist dumm wie Bohnenstroh. Pronunciation: Ur ist dumm vee Bor-nen-straw. He is as dumb Read more...
The Inside Job - The Conclusion
Posted 11:12pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Owen Clarke
“SLADE!” you bellow. “You said you’d been taking a hot shower for ages, but there was no fog on the mirror when I came inside. I remember, I threw myself finger guns in it!” Slade’s grimaces. “You shithead. You just had to get all snoopy, didn’t Read more...
The Inside Job
Posted 11:11pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Owen Clarke
The following tale details the events of a casual Sunday afternoon. You, the reader, have just returned from a relaxing cricket game with a delicious pizza when suddenly…. it goes missing. You must carefully utilize the clues given to deduce the suspect. Happy Read more...
The Critic Guide to Relaxing Around Campus
Posted 11:07pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Wyatt Ryder
The life of a student is a life of stress. Countless classes, assignments and exams will all get the better of us sooner or later. Things are hard sometimes. That’s why you deserve to take a minute to sit with your friends and kick back. There are lots of places around Uni that can help you Read more...
The Best Vape Spots Around Campus
Posted 10:32pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Henessey Griffiths
If you’re a poor student like me who craves the sweet satisfaction of nicotine, then boy do I have something for you. Vaping, the cheaper alternative to smoking. For a while, I was anti-vaping. The big clouds and unusual flavours were a turn-off for me. But once the price of darts went up and Read more...
The Birds in the Gardens’ Aviary Rated on Their Resemblance to Mariah Carey
Posted 10:14pm Thursday 21st March 2019 by Phillip Plant
Have you ever wanted to be an ornithologist, are you a keen bird watcher, or do you just want to catch the avian flu? Then the aviary at the botanical gardens is the place for you (disclaimer: there’s probably no avian flu at the botans, that was just a joke). “But I've never been Read more...
Can You Buy Drugs From Houses With Shoes on the Powerline? A Critic Investigation
Posted 7:27pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Sinead Gill
North Dunedin is full of students again, and the stocks of almost-legal substances are getting low. This Critic reporter went on the hunt for drugs using one of the oldest methods in the book. The powerline method. For those unfamiliar with this method, it stems from the urban legend that when Read more...
Law Camp: A History
Posted 7:25pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by James Joblin
Law Camp. Last year, this post-admission honeymoon retreat for two hundred thrusting second year law students was exposed to be a weekend not of whispering “I do law…” into one another’s ears, but rather a weekend of nudity, aggressive drinking, and grand-slam jelly Read more...
Scooby Dooooo.....n't Make Me Watch Any More Of These
Posted 6:59pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Owen Clarke
I watched all 41 episodes of Scooby Doo, Where Are You? in four days. Last night, I dressed up in a white sheet with two holes for eyes and skulked around my flat roof going “Oooooo”. This morning, I was diagnosed villainously insane by a local psychiatrist. I have no memory of these Read more...
The Best Caffeine Hit on Campus
Posted 6:52pm Thursday 14th March 2019 by Erin Gourley
Bean juice, java, a cup of joe, the good stuff, espresso, café, a brew, COFFEE. I love it. You also love it, unless you’re a Mormon or one of those people who thinks caffeine is ‘bad for you’. I put myself on the line for coffee lovers and ordered flat whites at ten places Read more...
Left in the Lurch: What Happens When Your Flatmate Stops Paying Rent
Posted 6:39pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Erin Gourley
There are a lot of ways to waste your money (daily coffees, essential oils, cheap shots that are mostly syrup, fancy peanut butter from the Farmers Market). But there are none worse than paying off the rent that your flatmate didn’t pay. Ari Cameron-Smith lived out that scenario. This year, he Read more...
Revisiting the Riots
Posted 6:35pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald
As our 150th anniversary dawns, it seems only fitting that we honour all of Otago’s past – not just the fancy past that the weird 150th anniversary merchandise gift shop in the Link wants you to know about. Critic talked to students and police who were present at the three Read more...
The Best Vending Machine on Campus: A Critic Investigation
Posted 6:23pm Thursday 7th March 2019 by Wyatt Ryder
University is hard work. Fortunately, our corporate overlords have placed easy access to delicious food and refreshing beverages all over campus. Quenching yourself has never been easier, but how do you know which machine to use? The nearly twenty vending machines available on campus can be Read more...
The Great Critic Party Review
Posted 9:11pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Critic
Back To School – The Courtyard Ah the first night of Flo Week, when second years shed their fresher skins and emerge like butterflies from their chrysalises. They are dirtied and hardened; many are health sci veterans who have acquired a taste for pingas, Long Whites and Billy Read more...
Drunk Interviews With Drunk People
Posted 8:29pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Owen Clarke
Drunk Scottish Girl Found Pissing Behind Bushes on Castle Hey, I’m with Critic, was hoping to ask you some questions. Ayeee, alright! *waves off two friends who are staggering in a rough semicircle nearby* Great. Do you have much interest in foreign affairs? How do you feel about Read more...
The Night’s Watch
Posted 8:23pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Erin Gourley
“We’re not expecting a big night,” Pete from Campus Watch tells me, making a bold prediction that turns out to be way off the mark. We’re standing on the corner of Albany Street and Forth Street, watching a procession of drunken students in Highlanders jumpsuits leaving the Read more...
Which Hall Has the Loosest Drinking Rules: A Critic Investigation
Posted 9:53pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Charlie O’Mannin
Residential colleges: the places where you made your first adult friend, both got and gave your first disappointing oral sex, and then stopped talking to said adult friend, leading to many many awkward hallway interactions. They’re also the places where most students have their first Read more...
Nags to Riches: How I Tried (and Failed) to Game the Omakau Horse Races
Posted 8:31pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Winnie Red
One sunny Dunedin day, I was enjoying my freedom with some leisurely drunk reading of Carl Sagan’s “Billions & Billions”, when I came across a story about the invention of the chessboard: Once upon a time, the Counsellor to a King gave the King a new game: chess. In a fit of Read more...
How to Get Through University Doing as Little Work as Possible
Posted 8:22pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald
Let’s face it, everyone’s dream paper is one where you can spend all your time in some state of intoxication and still pass with ease. Since not everyone has an older sibling who can give them some realistic course advice, Critic thought we would do a bit of the legwork and Read more...
Adam Sandler is the Karl Marx of our Generation: A Critical Analysis
Posted 11:01pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Henessey Griffiths
18 films. Two psychoanalyses. One terrible comedy album. We have now reached the end of our time here at Mr. Sandler, Bring Me a Dream. What a journey we have been on together. To be honest, there was a period in which I didn’t even know if I would be writing this. But here we Read more...
Harleneing With The Stars
Posted 10:55pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald
With a nervous gait, Harlene approaches my table of destiny (we couldn’t actually get her to do it, so we just got Chelle to pretend to be her). Trembling, she sits down. Harlene is seeking divine answers. I tell her I am most willing to oblige (for international fees). Harlene reluctantly Read more...
Turning Back the Pages of Time: Critic Through the Ages
Posted 8:31pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Callum Doyle
Well, it’s come to this. We ran out of drugs to do, weird artists to interview and ways to make fun of commerce students. So, what do you do when you run out of ideas? When sitcoms ran out of ideas they’d string together clips from older episodes (or just put Joey and Rachel together, Read more...
The Eternal Flame of Couch Burning
Posted 7:41pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Caroline Moratti
When I envision how couch burning started in this glorious city we call home, a couple of scenarios go through my mind. Maybe our young hero who, sick of having flat arguments about heat pump usage, had a fit of rage and decided to burn the living room furniture as if to say “Fuck you ya cheap Read more...
The Top Things of 2018
Posted 6:56pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Joel MacManus
Here at Critic, we consider it our job to tell you what to think so that you don’t have to. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves while we eat fish n chips and get on the piss and then justify it as journalism by writing about it afterwards. Anyway, here’s a list of the best Read more...
The History of the Critic/ODT Journalism Turf War
Posted 11:43pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin
New Zealand is a small country. We’d fit in the pocket of a real country and be indistinguishable from lint. Our small population moulds our news outlets into unusual beasts. One of the most unusual is the Otago Daily Times, the hyper-local community newspaper that in the midst of the digital Read more...
I Tried the Vogue White Wine & Eggs Diet and It Nearly Killed Me
Posted 10:33pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Saskia Rushton-Green
I am not a resilient person, spiritually or physically. I become distressed when I don’t get my 5+ a day and I cried the other day because I remembered the time six months ago that an old lady was mean to me. So, I thought that doing this objectively bad diet would be great. You know, Read more...
Do You Even Lift, Sis?
Posted 5:52pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald
Powerlifting is a rapidly growing sport among women in Dunedin. Chelle Fitzgerald chats to five badass local competitors about the rise of female lifters. Weightlifting is currently one of the fastest growing female sports. Stereotypes around what a female lifter looks like Read more...
How To Find A Boyfriend
Posted 8:52pm Thursday 20th September 2018 by Caroline Moratti
Alice is your typical depressed, thot 2nd year student. She’s never had a boyfriend, something to do with “focusing on her studies in high school”. However, it’s been fucking cold outside and with the plummeting temperatures comes an increased desire to spoon that random guy Read more...
How to Drop out of Uni and make a living in porn
Posted 8:48pm Thursday 20th September 2018 by Callum Doyle
Porn is a strange thing. Right now, Pornhub is the 14th most popular website in the world and 8thin New Zealand, right behind Netflix and just in front of the Wikipedia page for the under-arm bowling incident. Everyone does it, your flatmate who just came downstairs to grab his laptop for Read more...
The Great New Zealand Drug Review
Posted 8:22am Tuesday 18th September 2018 by Critic
Experimenting with altered states of consciousness is part of the human condition. Even in prehistoric times, scientists believe humans took ancient drugs to get high. With this in mind, Critic decided to conduct a highly scientific review of some drugs, for your enjoyment (but Read more...
Getting High on History at the Whakamana Cannabis Museum
Posted 2:59pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Callum Doyle
It’s one of those things that shouldn’t exist but somehow still does, like my girlfriend. Yet somehow, in the middle of Dunedin’s central business district, beside the finest sex shop Princes Street has to offer, sits the only weed museum in the southern hemisphere (well, Uruguay Read more...
I Led a Police Hunt Through the Botans When I Was High
Posted 2:58pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Anonymous
Put down your Billy Mavs, put away your study notes and buckle in because I am about to tell you the greatest story of all time. It all started two months after a nasty breakup. I still missed my ex. I missed his eyes, his flakiness, his unwashed foreskin, his intense fear of commitment. I Read more...
I Accidentally Smoked Laced Weed and It Fucked Me Up
Posted 2:55pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Anonymous
Weed is fucking terrifying. Not a statement that you hear very often as for most people who use the drug it is a relatively positive experience, for me however this is not the case. Here is my story of a 2-day drug trip that has put me off any other illicit substances for life, which Read more...
I Was the World’s Worst Drug Dealer
Posted 2:54pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald
Chelle Fitzgerald interviews a self-confessed “terrible” former drug dealer. For anonymity’s sake, we’ll call him “Mr Drugs.” Chelle: What drugs did you deal? Mr. Drugs: Throughout the years I sold marijuana, (REAL)LSD, Read more...
What It’s Like To Be On Anti-Depressants
Posted 2:52pm Friday 14th September 2018 by Anonymous
For the past couple of years, I’ve had a consistent low mood; not showering, eating junk food, staying in bed all day. Yeah, I’m single boys, come and get it. However, despite all this, it was also kind of manageable. Dry shampoo and Blackboard slides were my sweet, sweet Read more...
Top 10 Mysteries of Otago University
Posted 12:18am Friday 7th September 2018 by Molly Codyre
In her final weeks of university, resident fourth year Molly Codyre set out to finally get to the bottom of the most mysterious, unexplainable and often annoying things about life at our beautiful, vomit scattered campus. 1. Why is the only tropical holiday I’m getting this Read more...
Dunedin Ghost Tours: A Journey Through a City’s Dark Past
Posted 10:01pm Thursday 6th September 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald
On a still, chilly Wednesday night, fellow Critic writer Caroline Moratti and I find ourselves standing underneath a streetlamp in the Octagon. The pavement glitters with a sense of anticipation, hiding the untold stories of the night. Waiting for Andrew “The Hair Raiser” Smith, Read more...
NZ Idol Winner Ben Lummis on Fame, Hummus, and a Comeback Tour that is DEFINITELY happening
Posted 12:13am Friday 31st August 2018 by Henessey Griffiths
Looking back, 2004 was the golden era for New Zealand television. We were so blessed by great faces appearing on our screens, such as DJ Vinyl Richie, Drew Neemia, Erin Simpson – it truly was the best of times. But since 2004 was such a long time ago, so many of these familiar faces have Read more...
I Made My Dad Join a Cult
Posted 12:09am Friday 31st August 2018 by Callum Doyle
You might know something about Scientology. Like, Tom Cruise is a part of it. And didn’t South Park do an episode on it or something? Bet you didn’t know, however, that the second ever Church of Scientology was based in New Zealand. That’s right, even when it comes to starting Read more...
Meet the People Who Protest Abortion Outside the Dunedin Hospital
Posted 8:50pm Thursday 30th August 2018 by Chelle Fitzgerald
The majority of abortions in New Zealand are deemed acceptable on the grounds of “serious danger to mental health”. I should know; I’ve had one myself. Conceiving on my 18th birthday during O-Week, what are the odds? Pretty high, if you’re me. Regardless, there would Read more...
The Carpet Critic – an Exposé on the Carpets of Otago
Posted 5:47pm Thursday 16th August 2018 by Sophia Carter Peters
Central Library Not the most appealing, but clean and does the job. Fantastic water absorption, your tears will just sink right in. Ruined somewhat by the obnoxious presence of AskOtago. Design: 2.5/5 Texture: 1/5 Aroma: 5/5 Cleanliness: 4.5/5 Water absorption: Read more...
The Great Critic Pub Crawl
Posted 5:22pm Thursday 16th August 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer
Three of our intrepid reporters went on a walk from Central Library to the Octagon. They came back five hours later, about $80 poorer, and much drunker. Ombrellos This place is delightful and wholesome, like my kindergarten or my grandparents’ sex life. The main bar was closed Read more...
Critic Reviews: The Best Chinese Food in North Dunedin
Posted 4:56pm Thursday 16th August 2018 by David Emanuel
Chinese food is amazing. Simply relegating the entire genre to two words is a grave injustice. Anthony Bourdain said you can spend a lifetime studying Chinese culture and you won’t even scrape the surface. In Dunedin we are lucky to have a few good Chinese restaurants whilst having the ethnic Read more...
The People Behind Otago’s Favourite Facebook Pages
Posted 11:30pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Critic
In the glory days of the early 2000s, Facebook pages earned your likes by having hilarious names such as “I could tell you, but I’d rather show you through INTERPRETATIVE DANCE” and other such bizarro crap set loose upon the random XD quirky youths of the decade. Nowadays, no Read more...
Uncovering the Guys Behind New Zealand’s Craziest Conspiracy Website
Posted 11:19pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Joel MacManus
Trigger Warning: This article deals with anti-Semitic and transphobic conspiracy theorists. They are directly quoted, in their own words, using a number of offensive words and phrases. January 19 2018 was a day that changed what normal meant in New Zealand’s Read more...
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