Archive

Moaningful Confessions | The Horn to My Hornette

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

It was just after lockdown. Me and my best mate hit Starters the night of our touch downs back in the capital of the South Island. We were chomping at the bit to meet some sexy sirs.  I looked up to the Starters DJ to see that he was (to be frank) fucking PEAK breather sexiness, exactly my Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 2:00pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

  Dear Critic, My friend had a bad experience with weed on her first or second go and now won’t try it again. Our friend group is always smoking and I want to include her but she refuses to try again. But her bad experience was like three years ago so surely she can give it another Read more...

Booze Reviews | Weed Tea

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Earl Green

Your path to enlightenment begins with a weed oil. To make it, you need three ounces to a cup of coconut oil. The secret ingredient, which you can get from a health food store, is a teaspoon of sunflower lanolin. The lanolin helps the fats in the oil bind to your stomach, because THC can upset your Read more...

Fuck I Can’t Cook!

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Alice Taylor

The bank account is looking marginal. The novelty of university has been corrupted with the arrival of assignment due dates. Washing is piling up, and you accidently put a black sock in your whites and turned everything a dull shade of grey. It’s that time of university, my friends, where we Read more...

Rate or Hate: Drugs Edition

Posted 1:44pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

  Rate Codeine. Have become very familiar with this bad boy this week and I cannot sing its praises loud enough. All u need is a cheeky broken shoulder and you’ll get the prescription in your hot little hands faster than you can say ‘get off me I think I have broken Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Flo and O are over, you should probably stop partying now and open a goddamn book. Your lecturers and liver will thank you for it.  Your high: Codeine   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Make sure you soak up the last week of your season baby. Get all the Read more...

EDITORIAL: Harm reduction isn’t only for middle-class white kids

Posted 11:27am Sunday 21st March 2021 by Erin Gourley

In case you didn’t notice everything about the magazine you’re holding, this week is our drugs issue. Critic is often criticised for being too pro-drug. And yes, we are 100% pro-drug. I don’t think anyone in our office would say “drugs should stay illegal and I hate Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Part 2: A Big Night

Posted 2:34pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic

After a little convincing of his friend to vacate the one double bed we set to work. This time around we can get a little more adventurous.  He was slamming me from the back, pulling my hair and the icing on the cake was the ass slap that was so close to getting me to the edge. I would have Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 2:28pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic

  Dear Critic, I think my boyfriend and his flatmate are sleeping together. Every time I ask him about it, he says they’re “just friends” but one time, I saw her coming out of his room during a party at theirs. Help? Thanks,  Am I Being Crazy   Hi Read more...

Booze Reviews | Social RTDs

Posted 2:13pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Chug Norris

Social sent us through a mixture of all three of their drinks so I decided to try them all. They all come in 10 x 330 mL boxes and are only 5% ABV. At their usual price of $25 this brings them in at $1.92 per standard, which is very steep.   White Rum Pina Colada This one was rough. As Read more...

Big Harbour Molar Statue Extracted for Cavities

Posted 2:04pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Ōtepoti’s iconic sculpture, the harbour molars, have been extracted due to bacterial decay. The cavities were first observed on the annual DENT269 field trip, during which Otago dentistry students pilgrimage to the harbour inlet and marvel at the enamel delights. This year their fun was Read more...

Student Did Not Only Take TOUR214 for the Free Wine

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Local student Danny DeVino is the first student in the history of the paper ‘Introduction To Wine Business,’ which includes wine tours and a wine-tasting exam, that isn’t taking the paper solely for the free wine.  When asked for comment, lecturer Chardonnay McGoon was Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 1:59pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

  Rate Lecturers sharing their political opinions. I wish school teachers had been allowed to do that. It’s such a sexy insight into their mind’s eye. Victoria Uni Students’ Association having consent bingo nights. Let’s bring that culture to duds x Writing Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:55pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic

  Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Every day that passes is another day that you don't have a mullet. Just get one already.  This week’s beauty hack: Extra hard gel    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 This season is turbulent for everyone else except you. Keep Read more...

EDITORIAL | The Government Wants As Much Money From International Students As Possible

Posted 10:01pm Saturday 13th March 2021 by Erin Gourley

1000 international students are coming to New Zealand this year, but they’re facing rising costs before they even enter the country.  When the government announced the decision to allow these students in, it was all about the numbers. “The annual economic value of this group of Read more...

Landlord Said No to Pet Cat, But Possums In Ceiling Are No Problem

Posted 1:38pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Dunedin landlord Michael Moneybags maintains that the possums in his London Street property’s ceiling are not an issue that he needs to fix. Upon receiving a 14-day notice from his tenants to get rid of the possums, Moneybags did not respond. After a month, he told the tenants “the Read more...

Local Man Believes Kingfisher is Exotic Beer

Posted 1:35pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Local man and beer connoisseur Arthur Davies has long prided himself on his exquisite taste in beers. Shunning established New Zealand favourites like Tui, Steinlager, and Southern Gold as mere “swill” and “only good for my father to get drunk to before beating me with a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Part 1: A Big Night

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic

Queenstown. 2017. One woman. Three boys.   After a long day on the slopes, it seemed only right to indulge in a little après ski. The weather was hot for September and so were my hormones. We started the night as any fresher on a ski trip would, with a few cheeky bevvies in our Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 1:20pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic

  My problem? Broken banjo string. Seriously. Thanks, Patrick   Hi Patrick. I’ve never played an instrument, but I think you can buy replacement strings in town at Music Planet. I’m not sure they carry banjo equipment though. Maybe don’t strum so hard next Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 12:55pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Alice Taylor

Post-O Week, students stand united by two experiences. Experience one is an immobilizing hangover induced by weeklong drinking. Experience two is the sinking feeling of looking at an empty bank account, which has also been induced by weeklong drinking.  When it comes to these dire times, we Read more...

Booze Reviews | Delete Whiskey Cherry Cola

Posted 11:32am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Chug Norris

Delete Cherry Cola tastes more like air freshener and whiskey than cherry and cola. My flatmate’s parents took us to India Gardens on the night I consumed the Deletes. I had been eating fuck all since the start of O-week so I had an absolute feast and was pretty full even after a long walk Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 11:22am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

  Rate Asking groups of white boys at parties “so like IS there a difference between Star Wars and Star Trek?” Great way to kick off some discourse, be prepared to get yelled at tho.  Day drinking during online learning. Nothing like hitting up your 4pm Zoom tut with Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:41am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic

  Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Uni stress has already piled on top of you, like the debt from your Summer festivals. Haha good luck, no advice here.  Your flat cooking menu: Stir fry with frozen veges.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Happy birthday lol, hope Read more...

EDITORIAL | I Like The Richardson Building

Posted 1:58pm Saturday 6th March 2021 by Erin Gourley

Some of you will hate me for what I’m about to write. But it has to be said. The best building on the Otago campus is not the clocktower. It’s the Richardson Building. This looming, brutalist beast is the image that should show up as the Air New Zealand icon for Dunedin. The Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 8:35am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic

  Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Your birthday season went by so fast that no one realised it was all about you. Just think about the uneventful past month. Sorry.  Your O-Week peak: Getting over your birthday depression.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It’s all about Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 2:26am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate ·       Starting the Macarena at parties. Bringing those year eight disco vibes except everyone’s on gear and/or trying to pull. ·       Breathas going out during level two even though there’s 650 Read more...

Fresher’s Toga Has Pockets

Posted 2:12am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Mikaela may be new to Dunedin, but her Toga sure isn’t!  Spotted at Wednesday night’s greco-roman bash, first-year Mikaela sported a handmade toga worn by three generations of family frothers. The sweat encrusted piece included proper waist fashioners, hand sewn leaf drapery, and Read more...

Breatha is “Sorry” After Stern Telling-Off From Dunedin News

Posted 2:07am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

North Dunedin resident and self-described “fresher-fiend” Jock Hunter has been reportedly left deeply remorseful after the litter left from a party at his flat was roundly condemned by local residents on the Dunedin News page on Facebook. The crusading hordes, none of whom have actually Read more...

Booze Reviews | Cheeky Hard Iced Tea

Posted 12:53am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Chug Norris

I consumed Cheeky on a stunning Saturday evening in Dunedin. The refreshing iced tea combined with the thirsty summer weather quickly saw me near the bottom of my box. Cheeky Hard Iced Tea is an instant classic. It has simple packaging and it’s a simple idea, but it’s Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 12:42am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic

Dear Critic, Here’s one for you. I’m having girl problems. I was trying to get with one of my flatmates last year, but she’s since come out as gay. All good, power to her, but things have gotten complicated this year. On Wednesday, she brought home a girl that I had been Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Some Great Ass-bestos

Posted 12:24am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic

It’s very exciting to meet another gay in Dunedin, so when you do, you have to make the most of it. My girlfriend and I were in the U-Haul stage — we were already planning matching scissor stick n’ pokes and she’d lent me her copy of Fun Home, so you could say that it was Read more...

Local Produce: Hazel from Copper Coffee

Posted 11:31pm Tuesday 2nd March 2021 by Erin Gourley

Food trucks are a terrifying concept. You take a whole cafe and squeeze it into a small box on wheels, then drive that box around to different places. Hazel Combs is a student who is out there doing that. She is in the final year of a Politics degree, and decided after the lockdown last year that Read more...

EDITORIAL | Students Were Exploited In Orchard Work

Posted 4:11pm Tuesday 2nd March 2021 by Erin Gourley

Orchards called on uni students to make money picking and packing. Students were not prepared for the exploitative working environment they walked into.   When students set off for the orchards of Central Otago and beyond, it had been a rough year already. A lot of businesses limited the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Between Two Bogans

Posted 3:48pm Sunday 4th October 2020 by Critic

It was a sunny summer Saturday, one of the last before I returned back to dunners this year. Of course, this Saturday was not out of the ordinary as it involved some pretty hectic day drinking and the shenanigans that go along with it. This story begins after a good old-fashioned game of truth or Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Fucked My Way Into Boyfriend Territory

Posted 3:31pm Sunday 4th October 2020 by Critic

We had known each other in high school. Back then, I was the captain of the boys' team, She was the captain of the girls' team. We also sat next to each other in English so safe to say the sexual tension was already through the roof. I barely paid attention in that class. It started as most Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth: Banoffee Pie, with homemade caramel

Posted 2:04am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Well, this is it. The last Bone Apple Teeth. It’s been such a joy to cook and write for you over the past year. Though at times the journey was not easy (especially when we live so close to Willowbank hot chips), the resulting dishes were always, always delicious. Too good not to share. For Read more...

Booze Reviews | Boundary Road: Chocka Hopa

Posted 2:00am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed my slab of BrB: Chocka Hopa on Tuesday night. I’m not sure whether it was the atmosphere the snow created or the stunning quality of the brewing, but the first can of beer really hit the spot. There has been an increase in mid-tier breweries over the past few years which market Read more...

EDITORIAL | L8r Bol

Posted 1:48am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Sinead Gill

This is the final issue of Critic for 2020, and my last Critic forever. After seven years at this glorious institution and three with your student magazine, it’s finally time for me to graduate from student media and student politics. It took me a long time to decide what my final editorial Read more...

EDITORIAL: We’re About to Have the First Māori OUSA President in 22 Years, and That’s a Huge Deal

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 27th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

Otago students are never going to have a student executive that is fully representative of all of their interests. This is ultimately because representative democracy is, for the most part, a sham. Politicians are always going to be promising things that they can’t deliver because, at the end Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Mango

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Critic

Today my Co-Star told me “you were born to make history”, and that really stuck with me. At first, I felt overwhelmed with the pressure my Co-Star bestowed on me. How am I, a loser from Dunedin, going to make any sort of emblematic change to our historical narrative? The pressure seems Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Cruise Club Daddy

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Critic

When the Critic asked us to spill our most scandalous sexcapades I didnt know where to start. I still don’t. So many stories, so little words. Do I start with the 3-way in a sauna which ended with more than sweat dripping down my body, or the 12-man orgy in which I could only make out the Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Breakfast Burrito: the Best Hangover Food of Your Life

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Hangovers are tricky. Once you get past the nausea, the shitting and the headaches, rapid hunger sets in. Whilst Macca’s and KFC are iconic options, I really, really don’t want to leave my house, even in a car (and no I don’t want to pay $20 on UberEats for a $3 cheeseburger). So, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Tiger

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed Tiger while watching Cindy and Judy slog it out at the leaders debate on Tuesday. The debate was dull, but the combination of Tigers and talking shit about both major parties made for a great night. Because of the marketing of the drink, I envisioned the origins of Tiger as a Read more...

Booze Reviews | Yeah the Boys Lager

Posted 4:41pm Sunday 20th September 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed Yeah The Boys lager on a Wednesday evening over a chill game of cards that quickly escalated into an intense game of bullshit. The beer itself is alright, but it’s a bit pricey and nothing to rave about. The marketing of the drink is a different matter. The packaging contains a Read more...

Editorial: Why Aren’t You Voting Yes?

Posted 4:37pm Sunday 20th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

CW: Addiction When you vote in the cannabis referendum, you should vote yes. Not just for yourself, but for your family or friends who use it, whether or not you know that they do. Vote yes so that the people who already use cannabis - medically or recreationally - don’t have their lives Read more...

Vape Review | Bogan Brews Coorong Cola

Posted 9:37pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Critic

Okay, here’s a question for you: what the fuck does ‘cola’ taste like? No seriously, if you had to explain to someone what cola tasted like without saying cola, how do you describe it? Does it even have its own tasting notes? Every time I drink something cola flavoured, all I can Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Stir-Fry: Impossible to Fuck up

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Assignment time is upon us, my sweets, and what we all need is a salty, quick meal to sustain the study grind. Stir-fries are the ultimate student delicacy. It’s cheap, quick and easy, just like me. It’s the perfect meal to clean your fridge out of all the random bits about to go off and Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | It's Always the Hot Ones

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Critic

It all started during lockdown, ya know when your girl was bored, lonely and especially horny... I was desperate and re-downloaded tinder and started swiping right on everyone, which I must admit was a marginal move from myself.  Anyway, the weeks dragged on throughout lockdown and I Read more...

Editorial | Let Students Vote On A Day Without Exams

Posted 3:53pm Sunday 13th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

None of this is a hot take: Once you’re at the ballot box, all you have to do is tick a couple of times. Once for the person you think would best represent Dunedin, another for which party you think would best make decisions for the country, and then either a ‘yes’ or Read more...

Vape Review | Sadboy E-Liquid Butter Cookie

Posted 10:26pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Critic

Honestly, the biggest cultural reset occurred in 2013 when Yung Lean dropped the videos for his two singles, ‘oreomilkshake’ and ‘Ginseng Strip 2002’. This fucking kid comes onto the scene, bucket hat and all, and drops the chillest of trap beats. His videos were surrounded Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Team Rawdog, right, babe?

Posted 10:23pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Critic

Met a guy on tinder. Really witty, messaged me with more than a hey and I was hooked.  After 6 months of feeling like an incel, all I needed was a root and boot. Quickly organised drinks, knowing that ya girl is a loose goose on the piss. The night rolls around, and I get picked up by this guy Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Takakau Paraoa (Flat Bread) and Motumotu (Doughboys)

Posted 10:20pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It’s Spring time, and that means it’s time for bread. That’s a lie - it’s always time for bread. When it comes to Māori bread, the first thing that may come to people’s minds is fry bread or rēwena bread, but most of the time, takakau bread goes unnoticed. Read more...

Baltika-9

Posted 10:15pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Chug Norris

While the name is more suitable for an abandoned Soviet nuclear facility than a beverage, it turns out Baltika-9 is also more suitable as a life lesson than as something to drink. After lugging the enormous 900mL can to the top of Queen St and drinking its contents, I found myself regretting the Read more...

Editorial | Getting an Abortion is Actually Super Chill

Posted 1:45pm Sunday 6th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

To me, joking about getting pregnant and raising a child is the peak of comedy. For 99% of my life I had decided I never wanted children. Throw polycystic ovarian syndrome into the mix - a common symptom of which is infertility - and you have a recipe for a woman who shouldn’t haphazardly take Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Sour Blackberry

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

I have a confession to make, I cannot handle any sort of non-bland food. I mean, it’s not really that surprising - I’m white as fuck. Growing up, the most adventurous our dinners would get would be when mum made devilled sausages instead of spag bol. My palette has suffered tremendously Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | All in the TL;DR

Posted 9:42pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

TL:DR = I got fucked bent over the sink of some random castle street flat after Agnew street. I'm sorry. Picture this, it's Agnew St party 2019 (rip), and I was pretty drunk at about 1pm, my rugby girl costume is soaked and absolutely covered in mud, I'm getting ready to leave with my Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Back to Basics

Posted 9:39pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Sometimes you need to go back to the basics before you can graduate from mince on toast flat meals. Cooking can nourish you, surprise you, but also sometimes really fuck you over. There’s nothing worse than mushy rice, burnt pasta or boring eggs. It’s time to acknowledge the shit, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Seltzers

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

I don't know how to say that I unironically love this beverage without sounding like a shill. But, as Tui prepares to launch a similar product, you can tell that when shit commercial beers start adopting a more femme trend, there’s something good afoot. Seltzers are owned by an Read more...

The Critic Bachelor: Finale

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Fuck me, it’s the end of the Bachelor. After weeks of awkward small-talk there are only two girls left standing. Who will win between Amelia and Amanda? The final saga of the Bachelor contains drama, scandal and the kind of fuckery usually only reserved for those who cut the Pint Night line. Read more...

Editorial: South Dunedin Has the Superior Fatty Lane

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

I think it’s safe to say that except for trips to Pak’nSave or the Warehouse (RIP Kmart), most students who travel south-er than the Octy only do so to surf or get a coffee on the Esplanade and wish that they surf. This whole mag this week is full of reasons why you should visit South Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Berries

Posted 8:27pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime, but I have never felt more devastated than when they stopped selling fruit roll-ups at the supermarket. Those sheets of artificial fruit plastic were outstanding. I remember going to Pak’nSave and begging my mum to buy a packet after getting the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | What's a 'Slippery Gecko?'

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

So there I was, a high achiever in my hall, having just been presented a certificate proudly showing my theatrical abilities. It was the first ‘proper’ award I’d ever won and my god was it sitting on my desk proudly. Had my name engraved in the trophy and everything, but that Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Bao Buns: Fluffy, Tender and Flavourful

Posted 8:03pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Hosted by Caroline Moratti and Alice Jones, along with Pippa Bao buns are tender morsels of savoury delight. Quite frankly, you deserve one. Or several. The umami of the beef and hoisin sauce is rich and salty and pairs wonderfully with the delicate bao. The only comparison I can think of is that Read more...

Booze Reviews | Export 33

Posted 8:01pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Switching from Export Gold to Export 33 is like switching from Maccas to Subway, except instead of getting arrested for being a pedophile you just become an annoying elitist prick. I honestly have no idea if there are real health benefits in 33, but they do move you at least three social classes Read more...

EDITORIAL: Landlord Doxes Tenants and Critic Staff

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 16th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

Content Warning: Offensive language, racism, sexism, homophobia, death threats(?) A Facebook account - which commenters believe is a fake name that landlord Karen Brown is using to hide her identity - is using social media to dox their tenants and Critic staff. At worst this is hurtful but Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Mandarin Harvest

Posted 7:52pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

Okay, I have a serious question. Why do all vape stores always have that certain look to them? You know the one, of a small minimalist room comprised of products in glass casing, a lot of empty space, and usually just one dude ripping the phattest fucking cloud behind the computer. It makes me feel Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Draw Me Like One of Your Clichés

Posted 7:49pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

It was a warm January evening pre-COVID of course, I was alone in my flat midway through the summer school slog once again aimlessly scrolling Tinder looking for a respite from my sweaty boredom. Breathers aren’t really my style, so I was on the hunt for a sexy traveller to fill a few evenings Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Cinnamon Scrolls

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Winter is nearly over, and you’re running out of excuses to stay inside all day and bake. Cinnamon scrolls are a brilliant afternoon bite, and the heated leftovers make for a dreamy, idyllic breakfast. The perfect cinnamon scroll is all about generosity - of size, filling and melted butter - Read more...

Booze Reviews | Speight's Cider

Posted 7:33pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Speight's has done so many things to make me the person I am today. It's the best beer I’ve ever been able to afford, it makes me think I’m manly, and it has alcohol in it. As a matter of fact, I base my entire personality on loving Speight's. It's not as tragic as you Read more...

EDITORIAL: Things I Heisted from OUSA President Jack Manning’s Office

Posted 12:58pm Sunday 9th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

OUSA President Jack Manning is a very trusting man. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he often keeps his office unattended with the door wide open. Often when he does this, it’s because he is in a nearby office or - more likely - in the Critic office being negged by our culture editor Read more...

Vape Review: Fresh Farms Strawberry Farm Cake

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Critic

How good was Strawberry Shortcake? She was an icon. The look, her attitude about life, a close group of friends to cause hijinks with, she was everything I wanted to be. I remember growing up, you could buy these Strawberry Shortcake dolls that smelt like strawberries. I was always so mad that real Read more...

Booze Reviews | Pals

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

Pals offers three gentle RTDs. They’re unoffensive, decently strong, and come in pretty colors, just like the Powerpuff Girls and, just like the Powerpuff Girls, they’re what I’d give my children to play with. They’ve got fruit in them! That’s pretty good parenting in Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Taste of Medicine

Posted 9:44pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

It was a cool autumn day. We were in level-2 and my balls were blue. The COVID-19 lockdown had restrained me, but now I was free.  A girl messaged me on Instagram. I vaguely knew her from a martial arts group. She asked if I wanted to get a drink. I don’t drink, but I accepted Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Sole Food: Fresh fish, beetroot salad and kumara mash.

Posted 9:40pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

It’s beetroot season baby and with great power comes great responsibility. These bad boys are practically gagging to be pickled, candied and served fresh. The delicateness of the fish nestles into the warm, creamy kumara mash, but the punchy, vibrant beetroot salad takes this dish to a whole Read more...

The Bachelor: The One-On-Ones

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

The coffee date is a staple of Dunedin socialisation: from the Radio 1 kids at Kiki Beware, to the stressed socialites at RDC, it’s a chance for everyone to find love. We sent Jack and his remaining lucky ladies on three separate dates to enjoy the intimate corners of Dispensary and the Staff Read more...

Vape Review | Fresh Pressed Salts - Fruit Finale

Posted 8:22pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Critic

I know I’ve previously talked about how much I hate ambiguous vape flavours, but Fruit Finale is truly something else. It sounds so ominous and mysterious. I’ve reached the end of my vaping journey and have to battle against the big dog himself. This then leaves the question of which Read more...

Booze Reviews | Villa Maria

Posted 8:19pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Craft brewers are doing more and more weird shit these days. Every day in Wellington some hipster finds some new crap to put in a beer that makes it taste terrible, so they can call it a 'sour' and convince other punishing hipsters to waste money on it. Apparently, some craft brewers Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Jazzed Up Ramen: Spicy, Crunchy Pork Noodles.

Posted 8:16pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

I have a confession to make. For weeks now, I have been searching for The Perfect Dish. Something spicy, salty, fresh and, above all, interesting. My God, the hunt has been long. After consuming campus sushi daily, I turned to this week's Bone Apple Teeth forlorn, having barely touched a stove Read more...

The Critic Bachelor: Group Dates

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

This week, group dates are on the agenda. Can Jack find love, even in a crowded room? On Monday afternoon, Sophie and Amelia met Jack for a romantic rendezvous through the Otago Museum. Critic had intended the group to take in the iconic sights of the Animal Attic (specifically the rat king) but Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Accidental Cougar

Posted 8:06pm Thursday 30th July 2020 by Critic

I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years after he cheated on me and naturally, I was feeling pretty horny. I went into Suburbia because I had to take a shit and it had the shortest line. I figured while I was inside I may as well do some dancing. I found the tallest man in the room Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Bust a Fat Chuck

Posted 2:44pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Critic

So I had been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks and we had been really hitting it off and had already hooked up a few times. One Saturday night I was at a party and I invited him to come over, we spent the rest of the night together drinking and chatting. Eventually, I suggested going back Read more...

The Bachelor: First Date and Eliminations

Posted 1:05pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

It’s 5:30pm on a Wednesday and the first Bachelor group date is about to begin. Jack describes himself as “nervous, but excited”, laughing as he brushes his hand through his hair. He’s dressed in a form-fitting navy blazer and a crisp, oatmeal shirt. The girls’ profiles Read more...

Vape Review | PachaMama Salts Fuji

Posted 1:02pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Critic

There’s nothing worse than a vape flavour that is morally ambiguous. In the name of the juice, you gotta tell us what the flavour is. How else are we meant to know what’s going into our lungs? While the PachaMama salts says that it's made from “the most desirable fruits on Read more...

Booze Reviews | Carlsberg

Posted 12:45pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

They say the Devil's greatest trick was to brew shit beer and put it in green bottles, then charge waaaaay too much for it. This trick has led to the rise of awful beers like Stella and Heineken. This simply cannot do, so I went searching for the impossible. I went looking for a good tasting Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Vegan Pumpkin Ravioli: Self-care meets pasta

Posted 12:41pm Sunday 26th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

With guest chef Pippa. There’s something about homemade pasta that reminds you of why life is worth living. In the words of the classic ‘90s movie You’ve Got Mail, “It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew Read more...

EDITORIAL: Sims 4 Eco Lifestyle has made me a Better Person

Posted 1:33pm Sunday 19th July 2020 by Sinead Gill

You are completely within your right to judge me for this, but I am not the SJW you might think I am. I have normie flaws. I don’t put cardboard in the compost bin when I compost. I forget my New World shopping bags every single time I go to the store. I’m really bad for throwing dirty Read more...

The Bachelorettes

Posted 1:11pm Sunday 19th July 2020 by Critic

Meet the girls vying for Jack Manning’s affections. Critic sent them to an OUSA meeting to check out the man in action, and get their first impression of the smouldering President.   Sophie I’m a third-year student majoring in Gender Studies and Minoring in Theatre. I am Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Lemon Muffins: Post-Flu Delights

Posted 8:22pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

With guest baker Islay  This week’s recipe was born out of the fact that our flat is overflowing with lemons. Overrun to the point of insanity. Everyone’s been fucking sick and we were trying to heal ourselves, the only way we know how, through obscene consumption of hot lemon Read more...

Vape Review | Duo Salts Kiwi and Strawberry

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Critic

What is with all fucking vape flavours and having either Kiwi or Strawberry? Like seriously, any sort of fruity vape flavour has one or the other, and I’m sick of it. Artificial Kiwifruit tastes like shit. I would rather rub the furry side of the skin on my tongue than have something kiwifruit Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Never Trust a Softboi

Posted 7:41pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Critic

It was the eve of Hyde Street in the Year of Our Lord 2019. I was pretty recently single, flexing my newly found hoe muscles, and getting ready to dress like a tennis bitch and hit the streets. You know the drill, heavy drinking, a casual nip slip, way too many moustaches, and I was on the lookout Read more...

Critic Booze Review | Odd Company Vodka

Posted 7:34pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

There is an epidemic that is flooding this great nation that I have been concerned about for some time now, and it is time that I addressed it. Ever since Part Time Rangers introduced the concept of a ‘simple’ RTD, there has been an influx of the stuff. Now every company and their dog Read more...

EDITORIAL: Reporting About Sexual Violence Sucks

Posted 1:01pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Sinead Gill

Content warning: sexual violence. I hate the way I have to write about sexual violence. It sucks because the legal process that comes with proving that sexual violence occured is difficult, so few survivors pursue legal action. For the fewer survivors that approach the media with their stories Read more...

Vape Review | Duo Salts Apple and Watermelon

Posted 12:41pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Critic

Look, in all honesty, I hate fruit. I’ve never tried most fruits, and I never want to. People ask me why, and it’s mainly because the texture of fruit genuinely scares me. The feeling of biting into a crunchy apple or soft banana and feeling it in my mouth makes me gag. Artificial fruit Read more...

Booze Review | Smirnoff Cranberry Cask

Posted 12:39pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

If you’re anything like me, alcohol that doesn’t taste like alcohol is the best kind of alcohol ever. Smirnoff’s goon sack of cranberry juice and vodka is that alcohol. I’d be convinced that it was just pure cranberry juice if it didn’t make me send 3am ‘u up? Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Mushroom Risotto: The Perfect Boozy Meal

Posted 12:34pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Not to promote cooking and drinking (sorry NZ fire-safety ads from 2012), but risotto truly is the one dish where a glass of wine in hand is practically essential, or at the very least encouraged. The art of cooking risotto is a long, slow, and savoury process. There’s very little pressure Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Week Two Without Porn - Desires of the E-Flesh

Posted 12:30pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Critic

Things were happening to my body this week. I never realised how weird masturbating without porn was until I forced myself to do it. Firstly, it was hard to get a good hard erection going. I could get one that just did the job, but it wasn’t the throbbing pleasure stick I wanted. I also found Read more...

EDITORIAL: The Exec Are Too Comfortable Making Decisions Behind Closed Doors

Posted 9:12am Monday 6th July 2020 by Sinead Gill

Critic Te Arohi is famously anti-weed, so it’ll be no surprise to you that my hackles were raised when the Exec made the decision to actively encourage Otago students to vote ‘yes’ to cannabis legalisation in the upcoming referendum. I was raised Catholic; it felt sinful enough to Read more...

Vape Review | Nek Minty Aotearoa E-Juice

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 5th July 2020 by Critic

Ha ha guys remember when Nek Minute was a thing?! When the whole country mercilessly ridiculed a dude for his poor vernacular and how he looks? How funny is that! It’s not like that joke originated in 2011 and has died out becoming not funny anymore. I’m so glad it’s 2020 and the Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 9

Posted 10:18pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 My resentment towards you Aquarius is wearing off. You’re actually pretty cool. Do with that what you will. Also get out of doing flat dinner this week by simply not coming home after a night out. Your Re-O regret: Falling over in your own Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Dumplings - Pork & Scallion

Posted 10:13pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Sometimes you don’t want a plate consisting of one meal, one story. You want many tiny little meals, many tiny little stories. Each mouthful the beginning, middle and end. Dumplings are the perfect meal to cook and eat with friends. Every person gets a turn at folding the wrappers and Read more...