Dear Critic...

Dear Critic...

I got 99 problems and this is definitely one


Dear Critic,

I think my boyfriend and his flatmate are sleeping together. Every time I ask him about it, he says they’re “just friends” but one time, I saw her coming out of his room during a party at theirs. Help?


Am I Being Crazy


Hi Am I Being Crazy,

First off, you’re not being crazy. It’s never crazy to express that something is making you uncomfortable. If you bring this up calmly and he calls you crazy, that’s a red flag.

The “girl he tells you not to worry about” comes in many forms, but no matter what, she is not responsible for your man’s behaviour. Did she “lead him on”? Does it matter? Even if they are getting together, it’s not like he tripped and landed in her pussy. Whatever is going on is his responsibility and he can’t shift the blame. It’s also possible that nothing’s happening at all. They do live together, after all. Try smelling his dick. I hear that works.

If it turns out they’re getting together, I recommend purchasing a packet (or several) of rubber bands and covering the floor of his flat with them. They are impossible to sweep and will clog a vacuum, and the surprising amount of time required to clean the mess will guarantee a sore back without being too malicious. 

Best of luck,

Connie Lingus

This article first appeared in Issue 3, 2021.
Posted 2:28pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic.