Moaningful Confessions | Satan's Little Helper

Posted 9:20am Monday 16th May 2022 by Critic

Buckle the fuck up folks, cos I’m bout to learn y’all a thing or two about sex, tequila, and Satanism.  Against my better judgement, I caved and decided to hook up with a fuckboy Satanist over break. He was gorgeous – black hair, different coloured eyes, ripped as fuck Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Not now, Dad

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Critic

I was 18, in my last summer before University. The horny was strong, and my teenage years had been bone-dry, so I wanted some experience before heading down south. I started seeing a guy, John, from my school. After the second date, he begged me to take his virginity. I declined. Then, in what Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Tree roots? More like tree roots, ha!

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Critic

There’s a big willow tree on the corner of Anzac and Hanover, sorta by the train station. I’ve had sex in it. It’s the third tree I’ve had sex in but it was certainly the best. I’d been seeing this girl for a while, going to parties together and usually ended up Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Started from the bottom, now we still there

Posted 1:17pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by Critic

It was a beautiful Saturday evening in an unspecified location outside of Dunedin. I have been sinking a few too many drinks when all of a sudden I have to get up to yak. Here’s the thing about me… every time I yak I piss myself. So, here I am, yak successful but now I have stained my Read more...

Otago Towns Come First, Last in Map of NZ’s “Sexiest Cities”

Posted 5:50pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Lotto Ramsay

Lovehoney, an online sex toy shop, recently revealed their list of New Zealand’s “sexiest cities”. Using a combination of search and sales data, they compiled an interactive ‘Sex Map’ power-ranking 42 of Aotearoa’s towns and cities on their kinks, favourite toys, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | See you later, phallus-gater. In a while, Crocs-odile

Posted 6:53pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Critic

I hadn’t had a root since the world’s greatest heartbreak hit me a year earlier. I was ready. It was my time of the month, I was wearing my lucky dress and my favourite Crocs. My way of flirting with everyone and anyone was to insist that after every nang, you smooch the person next to Read more...

Isolation Fornication: 12 Socially Distanced Sex Tips

Posted 5:53pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Lotto Ramsay

It’s the third year of the pandemic and everyone’s still horny as hell. The safest option is masturbation, but if you’re sick of ringing the devil’s doorknob or strangling your meat flute and want some partner play then boy, you’re not alone. If the previous euphemisms Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Bloody Hell

Posted 6:24pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Critic

Now, I’ve got a lot of issues, and chronic sinus problems is one of them. Usually, in my day-to-day life, my chronic sinus pain and blockage doesn’t bother me apart from the odd sniffle or headache. But in my sex life, well, that’s a different story.  Let me set the scene. Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | A Cocktower Confession

Posted 3:19pm Sunday 20th March 2022 by Critic

Once upon a time, in a place not too far away, your girl did something a lil’ bit nasty on Uni grounds. I had been going to some university events which I shall not name, in the sake of protecting my identity and, well, my ego. While I was there, I met a pretty cute boy whom I shall call Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | How I Caught an S-T-Daddy

Posted 1:42pm Sunday 13th March 2022 by Critic

After spending 4 months in one of New Zealand’s shittest small towns, sleeping in a single bed, and spending all my time with my parents and the one friend I still talk to from high school, I was horny and ready to get back out into Dunedin.  It was my first night back and I was alone Read more...

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