And with that, the streak has ended. We have finally found a boozy number I would never like to see again, much like high school calculus (good riddance).
This dirty fuck of a drink is supposedly wine based. Judging by the taste it's a red – not in a ‘nicely locked in cabinet at Meenans’ way, but in a ‘whatever the red wine version of Bernadino Spewmante is’ way. It tastes like if you were to throw up chocolate into a bottle of thick red wine you were chugging, and then have to swallow it again.
The chocolate sludge in my glass is actual, honest to god, in a totally serious way, DOGSHIT. But I find myself unable to stop sipping. The opening note of the drink, just as it crests the hill of your lip, tastes exactly like Lewis Road Creamery. Just for that moment you are transported to being in the back of your grandparents’ car, winding through the Firth side of the Coromandel, your two siblings on either side of you, passing a bottle of chocolate milk to share that you got from a beachside dairy – somewhere north of another beachside dairy, but below a fishing club.
The next moment, though? Someone has thrown up into the map pocket of one of the front seats, and for some reason licking the wet wipe that was used to clean it out is the following taste. This evolves into an oddly bitter red wine grossness that is reminiscent of a probably-expired cough syrup bottle you nicked from home in an attempt to make lean. Just bad and not fulfilling in the slightest. All in all, this alleged “liqueur” is like making out with the one that got away, then her SAS fiancé comes and king-hits the piss out of you, even though it kind of wasn't your fault cos she neglected to tell you. Worth trying, not worth buying.
Scullability: Cold gravy/10
Enjoyability: Begins at 8/10. Ends with 1/10.
Pairs with: Wine as a chaser. Camembert also as a chaser. Anything to get the taste out of your mouth.