Aries
It’s time to cultivate more than just black mould in your bedroom. Grab those stolen plant clippings and turn your flat into a greenhouse. The best part? You can blast your heater to a ‘tropical’ level and blame the power bill on your green thumb.
Your cleaning product: Oxygenated Bleach Powder
Capricorn
You’re already exhausted, and the semester has barely started. Why does it feel like the last sem never ended? Time to complain to anyone within earshot about how much you miss summertime, and maybe consider going on exchange somewhere close to the equator.
Your cleaning product: Morningfresh Dishwashing Liquid
Scorpio
Like a starving seagull on Castle Street, you love diving into a sore topic and picking at it. With the flat-hunting season causing major group chat drama, maybe tone down the picking – unless you want to be the one voted out of the flat group.
Your cleaning product: Windex
Sagittarius
They say that about 40% of marriages result in divorce. You may feel like there isn't even a reason to try anymore. But keep putting yourself out there – I know one of those fish in the Otago pond will nibble.
Your cleaning product: Liquid Plumr Drain Cleaner
Gemini
There’s a snake in your circle, and you’re about to step on it. Watch that you don't get bit and be sure to not run your mouth after having a few bevvies this weekend. One drunken overshare at a flat pres, and your business will be the next morning’s headline.
Your cleaning product: Duck Toilet Cleaner
Aquarius
This week, your weirdly niche hyper-fixation is finally going to pay off. As the 21st season rages on, you’ll finally get an opportunity to use your skills. Whether that’s making a craft, or having an obscenely weird database of knowledge, you’ll definitely be a conversation starter.
Your cleaning product: Dettol Glen20 Spray
Libra
You’re a certified empath, but absorbing everyone else's drama is drowning you. Stop worrying about their feelings before you taint your own. Stand your ground, or you'll kick yourself for not staying true to yourself.
Your cleaning product: Jif Cream
Pisces
The cosmos is throwing wild new opportunities your way. You aren’t usually a risk-taker, but it’s time to say yes and get out of your comfort zone. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and frankly, we haven’t seen you shoot in months.
Your cleaning product: Shotz Carpet Spot Cleaner
Cancer
Wake up! It’s time to drag your body and mind out of hibernation, hook yourself up to an IV drip of caffeinated beverages and soak up some positive energy. You’ll be shocked by how much better you feel after escaping the suffocating academic grind for a day.
Your cleaning product: Bar Keepers Friend
Leo
Since you love leaving things to the absolute last minute, here is your warning. Keep those promises you made during the last exam season and actually start studying. Swap the Wednesday pres for a library date with Anki.
Your cleaning product: Exit Mould
Virgo
Flu season is back, and the lecture theatres sound like an orchestra of coughs. Wearing a mask might be back in fashion. Grab some free ones from Student Health, and remember that Fireball isn't a substitute for a jacket (even if it’s cuter).
Your cleaning product: Ajax Spray n’ Wipe
Taurus
With the end of FIFA leaving you hungry for more of Haaland x Bellingham, you're searching for a rebound to get your adrenaline pumping again. Instead of reverting back to doom scrolling, try doing something actually productive, like binging Critic survivor!
Your cleaning product: Dettol Wipes
