Pisces
You feel like AskOtago this week. Everyone in your life seems to have a problem and apparently you are the only one they can talk to about it. Don't let other people's mental loads weigh on you, but that’s easier said than done. Be sure to take time for yourself.
Extra bits for the bedroom: Dubai chocolate flavoured lube
Libra
Libra, you are inevitable. They won’t know what about to hit them but fuck you are going to derail someone’s life this week. Just try to be the change you want to see in the world.
Extra bits for the bedroom: A strap-on
Aries
This week, a spontaneous decision will change the trajectory of your whole year. If you're lucky it will end in riches beyond your wildest belief. If not, then you will probably be broke for the next few years. Good luck!
Extra bits for the bedroom: Whips
Sagittarius
Someone in your flat will encourage a ‘whole flat change of attitude’ to attempt to get you to stop being so pessimistic. That probably won’t work, and no matter how much you try to convince people that you are actually a ‘realist’ you are just a cynical fuck.
Extra bits for the bedroom: Wax play
Aquarius
This is the perfect week to start a new creative project. With ideas flowing freely and your bank account looking good, you have the perfect opportunity to find a new side hustle to support your addictions (caffeine and nicotine).
Extra bits for the bedroom: Edging
Scorpio
The week begins strong with you submitting a very solid assignment – only to later realize that you attached the wrong document. But it's okay, your lecturer doesn't care and the thrill of not getting any marks taken off pushed you into a very fun weekend.
Extra bits for the bedroom: Ethical porn
Cancer
You keep waking up at 2am with a craving for Chilli Dhaba curry and academic validation. Unfortunately neither are coming if you don't get off your ass and do something. It's a shame you're lazy and can't be bothered getting out of bed half the time.
Extra bits for the bedroom: A sexy playlist
Leo
Don't fall into the traps of volunteering this week. You always end up way more committed to things than you actually have time for and then other aspects of your life start to be negatively impacted, usually your academics.
Extra bits for the bedroom: Fluffy pink handcuffs
Capricorn
Try meeting someone new this week. You've been feeling pretty bogged down by those around you and the monotonous style of your life lately has been getting to you. Try going into rooms that you would normally not enter, you never know who might be there waiting for you.
Extra bits for the bedroom: A vibrator
Taurus
Taurus, it's time to take the bull by the horns (haha get it) and get your shit from your ex’s house – either literally or metaphorically. It's gonna be awkward and awful but at least then you will get your fave sweatshirt back and maybe a little bit of closure too.
Extra bits for the bedroom: Tightening the screws on your bed
Virgo
You're beginning to suspect that someone in your flat has been pinching your laundry detergent. You are correct. But you're too deep in your GAF era to care. Try subtly letting them know that you're aware of their theft but don't let them know you don't care, otherwise they will take advantage of the situation.
Extra bits for the bedroom: Mirrors
Gemini
Your heart has been pretty full lately. You have started to see a special someone in a new light and it is bringing your life a good chunk of fun. Don't forget to spread the love, because you have a habit of becoming obsessed with people and forgetting about your friends.
Extra bits for the bedroom: More dirty talk