Jan 20 - Feb 18
Flo and O are over, you should probably stop partying now and open a goddamn book. Your lecturers and liver will thank you for it.
Your high: Codeine
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Make sure you soak up the last week of your season baby. Get all the bullshit crying and simping out while you can.
Your high: Your vibrator
Mar 21 - Apr 19
The next week will be super hot and heavy for you. Do with that information what you will, you saucy minx.
Your high: Being the centre of attention
Apr 20 - May 20
There’s a reason everyone loves you. Keep being the laid back legend you always are. Your friends and flatties will appreciate it, you also deserve a nap.
Your high: The humble but effective weed brownie
May 21 - Jun 20
New flat for 2021? New you! It’s time to unleash your other personality and let everyone know who you truly are on the inside.
Your high: Mixed cocktail, just like you
Jun 21 - July 22
Ever heard of a chill pill? You should probably take one, or maybe twelve.
Your High: Meditation
July - Aug 22
Pisces season has probably bought you a few failed romances. Maybe it was your tremendous ego or God complex that drove them away. It’s time for you to hit the clubs and find a new flame, baby!
Your High: Having a raging superiority complex
Aug 23 - Sep 22
It’s time to stop stressing over those non existent assignments. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, have a glass of wine and a bath. You deserve it my sweet sweet virgos.
Your High: a crisp bottle of Pinot Gris
Sep 23 - Oct 22
It’s about time to chuck a wank in the bank and get over yourself. Put that indecisive scatter brain to rest, no one needs to keep hearing about your issues.
Your High: Xanax
Oct 23 - Nov 21
There’s a difference between being a bad bitch and wanting to fight everyone. You probably need to see a therapist. The Gemini Mars has you feeling some kind of way.
Your High: Finding a healthy coping mechanism
Nov 22 - Dec 21
If you feel the need to blast some Avril Lavigne and get your feelings out, it’s probably time to do so. Remember to check in and take care of yourselves my sweets, life’s rough.
Your High: Therapy
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Excessive cleaning and sucking up to lecturers won’t make your shit personality go away. Stop complaining about everything and learn to have some fun, Jesus.
Your High: A tasteless low carb beer, pussy