Bone Apple Teeth: Banoffee Pie, with homemade caramel

Bone Apple Teeth: Banoffee Pie, with homemade caramel

Well, this is it. The last Bone Apple Teeth. It’s been such a joy to cook and write for you over the past year. Though at times the journey was not easy (especially when we live so close to Willowbank hot chips), the resulting dishes were always, always delicious. Too good not to share.

For our last recipe, we settled on a delicious gift to our readers: Banoffee Pie. The simple truth about Banoffee Pie is that, no matter how hard you mess it up, the flavours are delicious. It’s cream, banana, caramel and malt biscuits, babe. A mishapen crust or badly cut bananas isn’t gonna fuck those combos. You can do no wrong. Banoffee Pie also requires no baking, which is a must for impatient sluts like us. We used this pie to celebrate a dear friend's birthday— life can be so warm and wonderful sometimes. Have a beautiful summer; make the most of seasonal produce and frequently partake in al fresco dining. Love you all. Thank you for following us two gals on our cooking journey; from our small, shitty student kitchen, to yours.



  • ¾ pack of malt biscuits
  • 200g of melted butter
  • 1 can of condensed milk
  • 4 bananas 
  • ¾ cup of brown sugar
  • 1 tsp of vanilla extract
  • Cream (buy whipped or whip it yourself) to serve
  • Tiny piece of chocolate (optional but is it really)



  1. Shove your delicious wee biscuits in a snaplock bag and with some kind of instrument— we recommend a rolling pin— crush your bikkies to a fine crumb.
  2. In a bowl, mix biscuit crumb and 100g of melted butter. When mixed, add to a greased cake tin by pressing mixture firmly down. Shove this in your freezer to chill out.
  3. Now onto the caramel. In a saucepan chuck the condensed milk, remaining butter, brown sugar and vanilla extract and constantly stir on medium heat. Add a pinch of salt if you’re feeling fancy.
  4. When a delicious golden brown and thick (around 10 mins) set aside to slightly cool for a few mins. Then pour on top of the biscuit crust, and place in the fridge (or just let it chill on the countertop if your fridge is as disgusting as ours).
  5. You really, seriously can’t fuck this up. But to be absolutely honest with you all, this isn’t the best caramel sauce in the world. It’s good, but maybe do the dulce de leche thing where you bake the condensed milk can in a water bath for 3 hours. Maybe just use regular ol cream and sugar. I don’t know. Just being humble here I guess. Feeling the need to be open and honest now that we are finally parting. I set the smoke alarm off yesterday making toast. I don’t know how to cook rice. Life is full of idiosyncrasies, like writing a cooking column and not actually having a working stovetop. You understand. Thanks for the closure.
  6. Whilst waiting for this to set, slice your bananas and whip your cream. Decide that set caramel doesn’t matter that much and scatter the banana and cream on top.
  7. Grate a tiny piece of chocolate, for colour and fun.
  8. Bone Apple Teeth!
This article first appeared in Issue 21, 2020.
Posted 2:04am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Caroline Moratti and Alice Jones.