The Bachelorettes

The Bachelorettes

Meet the girls vying for Jack Manning’s affections. Critic sent them to an OUSA meeting to check out the man in action, and get their first impression of the smouldering President.



I’m a third-year student majoring in Gender Studies and Minoring in Theatre. I am extremely short, 153cm-ish or 5ft to be exact. This means I am perfect for cuddling and am partial to a cheeky jetpack. I am the ideal team mate for piggy back races and would guarantee a win. I am quite caring. I'm always there to give a back rub to someone having a tacky and can be the best hype woman. This caring nature however has not translated to the house plants in my flat, which is disappointing since I work in a plant nursery over Summer. Jack and I would be able to have lengthy conversations about feminist theory - I have been told I dress like a Gender Studies student so maybe that could help Jack further with his fashion sense?

First thoughts of Jack: 

My expectations were exceeded. My seat in the meeting gave me a clear unblocked view of Jack, with plenty of chances for accidental eye contact. He was a sweetie, checking up on us during the meeting and explaining things. A truly caring man was obviously sitting in the room. Critic had said he needed help with fashion and I thought it was okay, but I have one recommendation. If Jack is going to lead the Exec meeting, at least take off the rain jacket. I could see a lovely button up and jumper on underneath, the power this fit could bring (coupled with his sexy stubble) would be unmatched. I can't wait for the group dates and getting to know Jack more xx



I’m a 21-year-old, Bachelor of Oral Health student that voted for Jack last year because of his great policies and morals (lol sike I thought he was hella cute so I voted). I’m a terrible hopeless romantic and have a big heart, I just haven’t found a boy who wants to be smothered but also absolutely roasted when need be. My hobbies include watching terrible TV shows, a bevvy or five, getting into the outdoors, study sessions at Central and eating food … a lot of food.

First thoughts of Jack: 

I walked into the Clubs and Socs building with sweaty hands, nervous, but excited. Now, this meeting was long but made a lot better by the witty jokes, dad laughter and the constant use of the word ‘chill’, met with occasional glimmering eye contact. I was actually quite interested in the meeting, but did zone out a couple times thinking about him waiting for me down the aisle at our wedding, as I walk to meet him whilst Crazy Frog plays. He is a lot cuter in person and exactly how I expected him to be, very confident and bubbly. Overall, he seems like such a sweet, charming man with a witty sense of humour. I’m really looking forward to the future one on one date and being able to roast him whilst we fall in love. 



I’m 18 years 10 months and 2 days. My friends seem to think that I'm a down to earth girl, who is out-going, bubbly and a bit of a weirdo who is also quite clumsy. I'm considered a mix between a Hufflepuff and Gryffindor if that means anything to you. I'm also a Virgo, and I'm all about those bad puns and dad jokes, everyone seems to cringe but I totally love them! If I'm honest, I'm more into the nerdy personality types than the muscle builders and sporty people. A man who can treat his mother with a great deal of respect, is a homebody and is absolutely genuine is definitely my type.

First thoughts of Jack:

Nice voice, good looking, amazing laugh, really friendly, seems like he has a good sense of humour, love the stubble! 



I’m 22 and a fifth-year Honours student studying Sport Management. When I’m not at the gym I’m in the library, so I would love a new experience to liven up the long days and lonely nights. I have been described by my friends as very wholesome, very friendly, very enthusiastic, and a complete and utter nana. You will usually find me at 10pm on a Saturday night in bed with a can of Pepsi Max in hand and a Belgium biscuit in the other.

First thoughts of Jack:​

By the time I sat down and figured out where Jack was I realised my view of him was blocked, so I couldn’t see him for the first 40 minutes of the meeting lol. However, I could feel his infectious energy and passion for what he was talking about (went a bit whoosh over my head hahaha) and I couldn’t help but smile. So, when I heard him refer to a hypothetical voter as ‘old mate,’ I was sold. When I finally caught a glimpse of his face when he leaned forward, even more sold! The glasses were cute too, I’m definitely intrigued and looking forward to getting to know him.



I’m 20 and studying Politics and Communication. I’m a fresh faced, jittery staff writer [for Critic] who still greatly suffers from imposter syndrome and a mild alcohol problem. If I were to describe my type, it would be a dark-haired boy with glasses. Someone who would prefer a glass of pinot and a deep political conversation than slamming back a box of Mavs and fucking aggressively in a Castle Street flat. I've always had an affinity for Mr Manning. There needn't be an uncomfortable introduction, unpleasant first date, or prolonged silence, since we already know each other. A match made in heaven if you ask me. We could become one of those really cool work couples who make each other coffee in the morning, who eat triangle sandwiches on our lunch breaks. 

First thoughts of Jack: 

If I’m being honest, I didn’t listen to a single thing he fucking said. I was just there to see if there was any piping hot OUSA tea, but there wasn’t. I couldn’t even see him from where I was sitting, so really I just spent an hour sitting and staring off into space, imagining a relationship with another man. He’s hot though so like all good.



I wanna be OUSA First Lady. Why? I think I should be allowed to drink on campus and he’s a cutie. I included a screen recording of my Seeking Arrangement [in her application] so y’all know I would have a sugar daddy if I wanted one, but if Jack wants to talk to them for me we can share my allowance xx

First thoughts of Jack: 

Hope the other girls are nice. Didn’t know what he looked like before (cute). Sounds nice, solid laugh, could tell jokes without getting annoyed. 



I love cuddles, fine wine, long romantic walks, choking in the bedroom, your hoodies and fluffy animals. I would love you and shower you with all the attention and love you could ever possibly ask for. I’ll be your perfect trophy wife and would love the spotlight of the media. I can’t wait to come along to your OUSA meetings and unquestionably support your every word. I know you probably think I’m your dream girl right now. All this can be yours for the low, low price of your beautiful body pressed against mine. 

First thoughts of Jack: 

Yet to meet the man himself. 



I'm 25 years old, studying a Master of Science in Plant Biotechnology. I’m a Capricorn with a Cancer moon and Pisces rising. Covid got me thinking... life's short and so am I. Plus my ex was a Sagittarius, so I know that I can handle the fire sign heat. It's a new semester and a new me. I am open to the journey to find love with our esteemed Mr President and become the Marilyn Monroe to Jack Manning's JFK. My favourite animals are hedgehogs and turtlefrogs [google it, it’s a real thing] and I drink soy lattes. 

First thoughts of Jack: 

Last year, Jack made out with me twice. We didn't see each other for a while and I thought maybe it was over, but then, about a month ago, a cheeky kiss in a drunken game of spin the bottle reawakened my feelings. I think I'm ready for my third chance at winning over Jack Manning's heart.

This article first appeared in Issue 11, 2020.
Posted 1:11pm Sunday 19th July 2020 by Critic.