Screaming Child Doesn’t Seem To Under The Concept of a ‘Whisper Dish’

Posted 11:44pm Thursday 16th May 2019

“What the fuck are they doing?” said Jasper, a third-year student trying to enjoy her lunch outside the museum. “The instructions are more than clear, you whisper into the dish, and the other person hears you. What’s the point of yelling into the dish if your friend is Read more...

Film Major Insists New Game Of Thrones Season Would Be Better if They Just Let Him Direct It

Posted 11:44pm Thursday 16th May 2019

Second-year MFCO student Daniel Morgan claims that the eighth season of HBO’s hit show Game Of Thrones is “total garbage”. Morgan believes that ever since season 5 the show has been going downhill. Morgan told The Critical Tribune that he has a solution that would fix Read more...

Central Librarians Cut Out Tounge of Everyone Entering “Quiet Zone”

Posted 11:43pm Thursday 16th May 2019

Piling up offerings for their dark God of Silence, the Blood Librarians of Central moved their lips in soundless patterns as they cavorted around the growing pile of tongues.      “Mmm nmn mn mnmnm,” one toungeless student told the Tribune. Read more...

Critical Tribune Announce Hostile Takeover of The Tenancy Tribunal

Posted 11:42pm Thursday 16th May 2019

A restructure of the governmental ‘super-department’ Ministry of Business, Innovation, Tenancy, Churches, and Employment Services (MyBITCHES) was going to plan, until some sly bureaucracy left Tenancy Services in the lurch. After tenuous bidding referred to as a Read more...

Man With Incredibly Loud Car Actually Does Have Huge Penis

Posted 8:38pm Thursday 9th May 2019

“Okay, sure, I rev my engine when I see girls on the side of the street, but that doesn’t mean I’m compensating for anything!” Disgruntled Dodger Challenger owner, Chad “The Man” Zipper, told the Tribune. Chad told the Tribune he has resorted to reassuring Read more...

Student Banned From Unipol for Grunting While Covered in Chalk

Posted 8:37pm Thursday 9th May 2019

Area man and student, Steve Grieve (23), has been banned from his university’s fitness centre for using chalk and repetitively grunting while using the weights machine. Despite clearly posted signs forbidding either activity, Steve told the Critical Tribune that he’s “confused and Read more...

English Lecturer Just Reads Off Author’s Wikipedia Page for Whole Lecture

Posted 8:37pm Thursday 9th May 2019

A local English lecturer has given up actually teaching in his lectures and resorted to the time-hounoured fuck-around that is reading out an author’s Wikipedia page. One student the Tribune spoke to was amazed at the wealth of knowledge available to her in the lecture. “It is Read more...

Mother Makes Son Promise He “Won’t Burn Down The Flat” After Purchasing Single Candle

Posted 8:35pm Thursday 9th May 2019

Agatha Thompson, mother of four, recently caught her son, Christian Thompson (19), with a single unused candle on his dresser while visiting his flat last Thursday. Agatha refused to believe her son when he told her “I’m not going to light it while drunk, Mum. Nobody even thinks Read more...

Rebellious Vaper on Campus Claims They “Don’t Give A Fuck, Man”

Posted 7:45pm Thursday 2nd May 2019

Jonathan ‘The Cloud’ Matthews insists that the Vape Free signs around campus won’t keep him down. “It’s like, a human right dude. It can’t hurt you,” said Matthews, in between rips of vanilla-cola flavoured vapour. Campus Watch responded to his continual Read more...

American Exchange Student Really Excited to Show You Their New Tattoo

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 2nd May 2019

“I got it because I just really, really care about the ocean, and, like, the environment and stuff. Yeah,” says American who thinks the only way to express something even somewhat meaningful to them is by getting it permanently detailed on their skin. “I just got it done in Read more...

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