Millions of Questions, But Nobody AskedOtago How It Was Feeling

Posted 1:29am Monday 19th April 2021

AskOtago is reportedly on the brink of a nervous breakdown after, despite having answered millions of student questions since it opened on the ground floor of Central in 2018, nobody asked it how it was really doing.  The helpdesk service has been struggling to cope emotionally for years, Read more...

Judith Collins Eyes Vice-Chancellorship

Posted 1:28am Monday 19th April 2021

After a slew of dismal polling numbers and backstabbing within the National Party, Leader of the Opposition Judith “Crusher” Collins is in talks with Otago Uni executives for the vacant role of Vice-Chancellor. Whispers of yet another leadership change in the National Party have Read more...

Acting Vice-Chancellor Cancels Uni’s Moth Protection, Moths Eat Everything

Posted 12:57am Sunday 11th April 2021

The University Senate last week voted to drop the Uni’s moth protection plan. In the days since, moths have wreaked havoc across campus. “The University has been held hostage by Big Moth for too long,” said the new Vice-Chancellor. “As part of this new regime of financial Read more...

Catholics Gave Up Paying for Uber Eats for Lent

Posted 12:55am Sunday 11th April 2021

This year for Lent, Catholics gave up paying for UberEats after a mandate straight from the Pope.  “Stop giving your money to a greedy multi-national corporation for Lent,” said the Pope. “The Catholic church does not condone giving your money to an unethical company when Read more...

Eating Beef Good for the Environment, According to Beef Farmers

Posted 6:12pm Sunday 28th March 2021

In what can only be described as a total rejection of science, NZ Beef and Lamb have started claiming that eating beef helps the planet. “Whenever you eat a nice juicy steak, you’re helping to rid the world of one methane-emitting cow,” said Ethan Methan, the PR spokesperson for Read more...

Local Bar Only Offers Jugs to Highlight Sustainability

Posted 6:11pm Sunday 28th March 2021

A local taproom has ditched pint glasses, citing a new-found emphasis on saving the planet as the reason.  “By only serving jugs,” explained the new manager, Beerface McGee, “we can save shit tonnes of water on washing, as well as reduce the amount of glass purchased by the Read more...

Infant Reincarnated From Dead Breatha, Charged for His Student Loan

Posted 3:12pm Sunday 21st March 2021

A Dunedin baby, the world’s first scientifically confirmed reincarnation, has been sent a bill from StudyLink requesting repayment of her past self’s $70,000 student loan.  In a development that rocked the scientific community, the Otago Medical School confirmed that Katie Liu, Read more...

Optimistic Student Clicks ‘Going’ To Hyde Street Before Ticket Release

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 21st March 2021

Displaying optimism that borders on audacity, Jessica shocked her friends and the broader Dunedin community by clicking ‘Going’ to the Hyde Street Facebook event on the Tuesday that the party was announced.  “Unbelievable. It’s just rude,” said another hopeful Read more...

Big Harbour Molar Statue Extracted for Cavities

Posted 2:04pm Sunday 14th March 2021

Ōtepoti’s iconic sculpture, the harbour molars, have been extracted due to bacterial decay. The cavities were first observed on the annual DENT269 field trip, during which Otago dentistry students pilgrimage to the harbour inlet and marvel at the enamel delights. This year their fun was Read more...

Student Did Not Only Take TOUR214 for the Free Wine

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 14th March 2021

Local student Danny DeVino is the first student in the history of the paper ‘Introduction To Wine Business,’ which includes wine tours and a wine-tasting exam, that isn’t taking the paper solely for the free wine.  When asked for comment, lecturer Chardonnay McGoon was Read more...

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