International Students Brag About Snow

Posted 6:29pm Sunday 9th October 2022

During last week’s snowfall, international students (mostly American) took to the streets to remind everyone how good they were at dealing with snow. “Kiwis here really can’t handle snow”, said one American, kitted out in jeans and jandals for a brisk walk down snowy George. Read more...

Local Man Warns of Rampant Scam

Posted 6:28pm Sunday 9th October 2022

Dave, local pisshead and student, contacted the news to report a scam. “Hey bro, I just realized the other day that I’m actually being scammed, and I need to tell other people about it”, he warned. It was very serious. “So, turns out, I’m being scammed by my Read more...

Police Respond to Dunedin Residents’ Complaints About Noise

Posted 3:35pm Friday 19th August 2022

Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional and was written by AI In response to complaints from Dunedin residents about noise at student parties, police in the city have adopted a new, more conservative approach, involving specialised officers and increased surveillance of student housing Read more...

OUSA Student Executive Creates New Crypto Bro Position on Executive

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 1st May 2022

OUSA Finance and Strategy Officer Emily has been crunching the numbers on how to survive the next fiscal year, and came to the conclusion that they are in trouble. In order to combat this, she is introducing the Crypto Executive Position, which starts in two weeks. The new position is already being Read more...

“Free Thinker” Millennial Wonders Who Really Built the Pyramid Scheme She Joined

Posted 2:11pm Sunday 1st May 2022

“Look, I don’t want the liberal PC media woke brigade to cancel me,” said Ms A. Von to Critic Tribune, “but if you take a closer look at the culture behind, y’know, pyramid schemes, something doesn’t add up,” she concluded, with all the authority of someone Read more...

Conspiracy Theory Pinboards Behind Newfound Love of Fibre Art

Posted 2:10pm Sunday 1st May 2022

Local man Hugh Anon, a voracious Facebook disinformer, has discovered a use for pins and yarn that doesn’t involve being homophobic or antisemitic. “It all started last year when lockdown took away my free speech,” Hugh told the Tribune, “so I took to social media to speak Read more...

Predator Free Dunedin didn’t catch a Single Paedophile Last Year

Posted 2:09pm Sunday 1st May 2022

The whole concept of one-trap-fits-all for paedophiles hasn’t been super effective. Despite PFD’s best efforts, not a single sexual predator was caught by their automated traps, presumably because the traps are rat-sized. A local predator said, “The council is generalising us which Read more...

“House DJ” Grateful that Red Settings are Still in Place

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 10th April 2022

Local breatha Thomas Bangerson has been using his somewhat upcoming, mostly failing career as a house DJ as his prime drawcard on Tinder. The only reason he isn’t playing the big stage, he claimed, “was because we’re in red, so I’m at the same level as Subsonic, Read more...

Parking Wardens Suspected as Cause for Pedestrianisation

Posted 1:22pm Sunday 10th April 2022

Sources close to the Mayor claim that the attempt to make George Street pedestrianised occurred after a run-in with DCC parking wardens. Mayor Hawkins’s close confidants reported that the recent attempts to remove cars from George Street is an attempt to put parking wardens out of a job. Read more...

Plot to Overthrow the New Zealand Government Discovered at MenuDeliverEats Offices.

Posted 1:21pm Sunday 10th April 2022

Agents of the Crown have recently unearthed plans for MenuDeliverEats employees to institute a coup in the highest levels of the New Zealand government. This has confirmed the suspicions of local residents, who said “They don’t fear anything. I’ve seen one park on double yellow Read more...

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