Third-Year Blames Freshers For Illness, Not Week of Binge Drinking

Posted 6:03pm Sunday 25th July 2021

Logan, a third year student studying geography, has come to the conclusion the Fresher Flu, spread by first-years, is to blame for his current cough and runny nose. He has been on a bender for five days but he insists that this is unrelated to his current illness.  “My immune system is Read more...

GRFT101 Is The First Ever Tertiary-Level Grifting Course

Posted 6:02pm Sunday 25th July 2021

Otago Universe-City LTD has released a new product to the North Dunedin market. The limited liability company said in a press release that it was “excited” and “thrilled” to be offering the southern hemisphere’s first class on grifting as a first step in establishing Read more...

Student Excited To Stop Hiding True Self From Parents After Holidays

Posted 4:44pm Sunday 18th July 2021

Many students dread the end of the uni holidays, but for Otago dentistry student Paul Zhang, it cannot come soon enough.  A fortnight of trying to suppress his newfound work-hard, play-hard attitude and his increasingly liberal sociopolitical attitudes from those he grew up with has really Read more...

Fresher Finally Meets Someone From Mosgiel

Posted 4:43pm Sunday 18th July 2021

Mosgiel is a place that many people have only heard about, but UniCol fresher Aimee Fredericks was lucky enough to meet someone hailing from just west of Dunedin at a party in Re-O. “I’d only ever heard about the Mosgiel sign on the news!” she said. “The first time I drove Read more...

Amazing! Child of Real-Life Medical Doctor Is Doing Health Sci

Posted 8:26pm Sunday 30th May 2021

The rumours are true. A Critical Tribune investigation has found that the child of an actual, actively practicing medical doctor is doing health sci at Otago this year.  The child, which the Tribune has chosen not to name in order to preserve their privacy, said that until recently, she had Read more...

Touching! “Evil” Landlord Donates Generously To Charity, Proves Naysayers Wrong

Posted 8:25pm Sunday 30th May 2021

Who says landlords are pure evil? While some of our more extremist writers like to push this sensationalist, one-sided argument, in the pursuit of fairness and balance, the Tribune can EXCLUSIVELY reveal a landlord branded as “evil” and “fraudulent” actually has a real heart Read more...

Guy Buys Girlfriend Incorrect Tampons, Hailed By The Boys As Hero

Posted 1:01am Monday 24th May 2021

Davo was recently the talk of the town after actually nipping up to Gardens New World to buy his girlfriend sanitary products. “What a good guy,” said his mate Freddy. “So brave”, said Jono, nodding in agreement. Davo told the Tribune that on the way back from picking up Read more...

Flatmate Hasn’t Cleaned Mooncup in Two Years

Posted 1:00am Monday 24th May 2021

“Bro she just keeps leaving it on the pile of dishes like she expects us to wash it,” said one disgruntled breatha. “Like, what does she think we are, a cleaning service?”  The bleeder’s menstrual cup is a purple, latex design that she describes as Read more...

Otago’s New Vice-Chancellor Revealed

Posted 8:01pm Sunday 2nd May 2021

Following months of speculation, the Uni’s newest Vice-Chancellor has been named as AirFryer PROMAX-XL®. It is Otago’s first Vice-Chancellor of Chinese origin, the first to be a kitchen appliance, and the second soulless machine to hold the position.  The appointment was Read more...

Other Students Fascinated, Dazzled, and In a General State of Awe That You Know the DJ

Posted 7:59pm Sunday 2nd May 2021

Students were overwhelmed with Fanzi Pance’s knowledge of local music when, last Saturday night, he proudly informed the people of Catacombs that he knew the DJ. “I’ve never met someone who knows a DJ before,” gushed Jessica, who had consumed two blueberry cruisers that Read more...

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