Vape Review | Simply Salts Mango

Vape Review | Simply Salts Mango

Today my Co-Star told me “you were born to make history”, and that really stuck with me. At first, I felt overwhelmed with the pressure my Co-Star bestowed on me. How am I, a loser from Dunedin, going to make any sort of emblematic change to our historical narrative? The pressure seems almost daunting. But then, I started to think of the platform that I have through writing these vape reviews, wondering how many people actually read this shitshow of a review column?  Then I started thinking, even if one person reads this and it sticks in their head, that’s enough to change their perception of history in the slightest way. This mentality picked me out of my writing slump, as I was determined to create none other than the finest piece of vaping journalism that would strike a chord with you, the dear reader, and immortalize my fame forever. This review was going to be poetic, strikingly beautiful yet so profound at the same time that you’d experience all seven stages of grief just reading it. I was going to change the history of vape journalism forever. But then I accidentally smoked a few too many cones so now you’re going to put up with this slightly cooked review of Simply Salts Mango vape juice.

I’ve reviewed a lot of the Simply Salt range during this column, and each time they’ve been pretty solid. Most of the Simply Salts range is based on one particular fruit, so there isn’t really much left to the imagination. This mango juice is no exception, because it’s just mango. To be fair, I’ve actually never tried a mango before because they seem like way too much admin, but they taste good based on previous mango juices I’ve tried. This mango one is quite pleasant actually. It’s not too sweet but not too bitter, leaves you with a nice taste in your mouth, and makes you feel like you’re having your 5+ a day. This particular mango juice is 20mg nic salts, meaning if you pull too hard you will cough and look uncool in front of your friends, embarrassing. Everyone that I usually ask to give their opinions for their vape review seemed indifferent about this one, with no real standout comments. To be frank, that’s the best way to sum up this vape juice experience. It’s just pleasant. Like there’s no real clincher that will draw you in hook, line, and sinker, but at the same time there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not going to challenge your taste buds and stimulate your senses, but at least your breath will smell like artificial mango.

Would I buy this juice again? Probably not. But would I use it if it was given to me? Absolutely. In general, this juice is just fine. It’s yum, refreshing, and gives you a nice wee head spin. But it doesn’t really do much more than that. I feel like eating a real mango would be way better in taste and also for your body. As to my previous remark about wanting to make history, I feel like this review has definitely not achieved that, but I’m okay with that. However, I wish to leave you with one piece of advice: don’t start vaping just because you think it looks cool and all your mates do it.

Tasting notes: Raro that’s been watered down way too much.

Makes you feel: Like you’re a middle aged housewife sitting in the Bahamas spending your sugar daddy’s money, but being struck with the reality that you’re actually just sitting alone in a dark room.

Pairs well with:  Popcorn lung.

This article first appeared in Issue 20, 2020.
Posted 9:45pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Critic.