Fresher’s Toga Has Pockets

Fresher’s Toga Has Pockets

Mikaela may be new to Dunedin, but her Toga sure isn’t! 

Spotted at Wednesday night’s greco-roman bash, first-year Mikaela sported a handmade toga worn by three generations of family frothers. The sweat encrusted piece included proper waist fashioners, hand sewn leaf drapery, and most importantly: pockets. 

“I’ve been dreaming of this day ever since I was a little girl,” says Mikaela, “it’s family tradition.” She’s been “practicing taking a piss in it for years. How to twirl. How to headbang without exposing myself. Everything.” The youngest of the family, Mikaela’s turn in the toga comes after a dozen family members have taken it for a drunken spin. 

“I just shudder to think how many members of my family have been shagged in this thing. But oh well,” she says, “at least it has pockets!” She then demonstrated where the pockets were for the Critical Tribune reporter. The toga did indeed have pockets. 



This article first appeared in Issue 1, 2021.
Posted 2:12am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune.