Vape Review: Fresh Farms Strawberry Farm Cake

How good was Strawberry Shortcake? She was an icon. The look, her attitude about life, a close group of friends to cause hijinks with, she was everything I wanted to be. I remember growing up, you could buy these Strawberry Shortcake dolls that smelt like strawberries. I was always so mad that real strawberries didn’t smell like the doll believed them to be. Strawberries are an overrated fruit in my opinion. Like yeah they’re nice and all, but they seem to get a lot of hype. No real strawberry has ever tasted or smelt as good as an artificial strawberry, and that’s very apparent in Strawberry vape juices. Straight out of the box, this vape juice looks like the colour of piss when you haven’t drunk enough water. That pretty much sets the tone for how the rest of this experience went.

In all honesty, I don’t really know how the quantities of nicotine levels in vape juice works. All I know is that the higher they are, the more fucked you get from each hit. The Strawberry Farm Cake flavour is 35mg nic salts, which means it leaves you feeling a strong lunch punch of nicotine. But overall, this vape juice kinda sucked. It smelt sweet, and there was a slightly sweet after hit, but that’s it. I could not taste a strawberry, farm, or cake, let alone a strawberry farm cake. It just felt hollow and lacking any real passion, or flavour for that matter. It felt like deep throating some nicotine laced air. Critic Illustrator Asia summed it up perfectly, saying “all these flavours blend into the same after a while, I can’t distinguish this from the others”. Flatmate Carter said “what even is this”, which were my thoughts exactly. There’s almost nothing we can review this vape juice on, because there was no flavour for me.

Maybe my coil was burnt, or I mixed it in with a different flavour - I don’t know. But I feel let down by this flavour. My expectations were set high by the appeal of what a strawberry farm cake is, but if this is what they’re like then I don’t want it. Over my experience writing these reviews, I would have to say to stick to the basic flavours of citrus, menthol, and maybe tobacco if you’re a freak. Seriously, go to Vaporium and buy their Blood Orange flavour and thank me later. Don’t waste your time trying this shit.

Tasting notes: Slightly seasoned air.

Makes you feel: Like pure shit just want her back.

Pairs well with: A burnt coil and the resentment of developing a nicotine addiction.

This article first appeared in Issue 14, 2020.
Posted 9:46pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Critic.