· Starting the Macarena at parties. Bringing those year eight disco vibes except everyone’s on gear and/or trying to pull.
· Breathas going out during level two even though there’s 650 Aucklanders coming to town. It’s called natural selection.
· Drunk yoga. Very cool, although my friend tried to do it in the line for maccas and the security guard was not impressed.
· Surfers. Treat me badly, but do it with long hair and I’ll marry you.
· A quiet library. Nothing worse than people that have their ringtones on full when i have an assignment due in four hours.
· Campus Watch. Those guys are just doing their job and they provide mint banter on a night out.
· Nose rings. Never forget when ‘Oi come castle bro’ posted “why do chicks with nose rings be so fit”. That’s on male validation.
· Covid. #stayhomesavelives, but also @jacindaardern please just let me get on the rark.
· 10am summer school lectures during Flo Week. Most people in the class are still drunk, including possibly the lecturer.
· Smashed glass. Seriously, just don’t do that. We have to live in this filth.
· Waking up in the morning with massive bruises that you can’t remember how you got. Maybe something to do with drunk yoga?
· Toxic masculinity. Babe, surely you’ve outgrown that by now?
· Seeing fresher couples and knowing there’s a strong likelihood they’ll be married in 5 years time.