Archive

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 9:50pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Alice Taylor

Crazy for Katsu If I was to tally all the money I have spent on food in the last four years, a substantial portion would have been spent on my dearest fried chicken. I do not regret a single cent I have spent on this glorious food, but it was wise to learn how to make it myself. This recipe is Read more...

Booze Reviews | Major Major

Posted 9:40pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Chug Norris

In my extremely shit-faced attempts to find something newsworthy at Hyde I came across a dude pissing against a wall and holding a Major Major. I asked him what he thought of his beverage and he told me: “Bloody good, tastes just like apple-juice.”  That is an excellent summary Read more...

All “Young People on the Property Ladder” Actually Just One Landlord

Posted 9:37pm Monday 26th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

In a shocking exposé, it has been revealed that all media stories about young people buying houses were faked. A fraudulent Dunedin landlord was hired by the New Zealand Property Investors’ Federation to impersonate young Kiwis buying their first home by putting on a range of Read more...

North Islander Discovers the Hype Behind Cheese Rolls

Posted 9:35pm Monday 26th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

In a stunning and unexpected U-turn hailed as a new dawn for inter-island relations, a North Islander tried a cheese roll and understood just why South Islanders love it so much.  James, who was born and bred in Palmerston North, has been a student at Otago for the last four years. Despite Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 9:32pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 There are plenty of fish in the sea, stop catching feelings. Accessory of choice: chokers Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep doing your hot pisces shit, don’t let anyone steal your energy this week baby. Accessory of choice: new shoes Aries Mar 21 - Read more...

EDITORIAL: Please someone open a bakery near campus

Posted 12:15pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Erin Gourley

Look I don’t really understand how businesses work and I’m not going to pretend I do. This is less of a valid opinion, and more of a personal fantasy of mine. My demand is simple: I want a bakery near campus. Not a cafe with overpriced scones and slices. A bakery that is overflowing Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Effortless Threesome

Posted 1:53am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic

Flashback to 2017. It’s my first year at Otago University (I transferred from Canterbury because my life there was as flat as the city’s landscape).  It’s a Thursday night and I’m bored so I send an “upto” to someone I used to go to high school with. Lo Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 1:50am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic

Dear Critic, There’s a wasp nest in front of our flat. Every time I walk out, I’m terrified that I’m gonna get stung. Our landlord said we could just call some ecology students and they’d pull it out, but I highly doubt that. What do we do? Shawn   Gidday Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 1:45am Monday 19th April 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Cooking a meal on your kitchen floor because all the bench space has dishes on it. Sounds gross but is actually a quintessential experience  Margaret Atwood: She can write anything, can’t believe she’s still alive  The garlic bread they sell at stilettos. Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 1:40am Monday 19th April 2021 by Alice Taylor

Crispy satay tofu  I am very passionate about this week’s recipe. It’s difficult to mess it up an delicious. I have been known to pour this sauce into a bowl, microwave it, and eat it with a spoon. I have served the sauce here with crispy fried tofu, but you could pour it over Read more...

Booze Reviews: Cocktail Research and Development

Posted 1:33am Monday 19th April 2021 by Chug Norris

Having already acquired my alcohol for Hyde and not ready to buy anything else for the week, I decided to scrounge the little alcohol I had and try out a few wacky combinations. Mostly they were better than the original ingredients. Triple Brown The Triple Brown consists of a Double Brown with Read more...

Millions of Questions, But Nobody AskedOtago How It Was Feeling

Posted 1:29am Monday 19th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

AskOtago is reportedly on the brink of a nervous breakdown after, despite having answered millions of student questions since it opened on the ground floor of Central in 2018, nobody asked it how it was really doing.  The helpdesk service has been struggling to cope emotionally for years, Read more...

Judith Collins Eyes Vice-Chancellorship

Posted 1:28am Monday 19th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

After a slew of dismal polling numbers and backstabbing within the National Party, Leader of the Opposition Judith “Crusher” Collins is in talks with Otago Uni executives for the vacant role of Vice-Chancellor. Whispers of yet another leadership change in the National Party have Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:25am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Feeling manic? Call your therapist. To bake this week: your mind  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You need to stop dwelling on yet another failed talking stage. You can do better than tinder breathas.  To bake this week: chocolate covered Read more...

EDITORIAL: Sign Up Club Should Absolutely Not Take Over OUSA’s Meeting

Posted 8:42pm Sunday 18th April 2021 by Erin Gourley

I repeat, Sign Up Club should NOT take over the OUSA Student General Meeting that is taking place on Wednesday 21 April at 12pm in Union Hall. It would be VERY BAD if Sign Up Club sent say a hundred members of their pyramid scheme, and their members voted as a bloc making up over 50% of the Read more...

Piss Poor Moaningful Confession

Posted 1:20am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic

“Your essay is shit.”  My heart dropped to my stomach, I knew he was saying it in a playful tone, but I had spent a dismal night in St Daves trying to fix my assignment. This guy had passed this paper: he could help me make it better. He must have known his comment hurt because Read more...

Fuck, I'm in Love!

Posted 1:14am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Alice Taylor

I passionately believe that the most effective way to tell your special someone you love them is through the gift of chocolate in molten form. These gooey chocolate puddings are so easy to make and will make the person you give it to feel very special. And if you don’t happen to have another Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 1:09am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate The flying fox behind gardens New World. Provides much entertainment on a dusty walk home from town. Wearing the same top as another girl at a party. It’s not embarrassing, that’s just how you know you’re fashionable.  Adults on Lime scooters. You go Read more...

Booze Reviews | Rodenbach

Posted 1:02am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Chug Norris

Rodenbach caused Black Friday levels of sensation at Centre City New World when they were put on sale for $1.99 for a six-pack. Ahead of the curve, I managed to grab 48 cans ($16 worth) before the masses swept the rest away. This turned out to be one of the worst decisions of my life.  In my Read more...

Acting Vice-Chancellor Cancels Uni’s Moth Protection, Moths Eat Everything

Posted 12:57am Sunday 11th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

The University Senate last week voted to drop the Uni’s moth protection plan. In the days since, moths have wreaked havoc across campus. “The University has been held hostage by Big Moth for too long,” said the new Vice-Chancellor. “As part of this new regime of financial Read more...

Catholics Gave Up Paying for Uber Eats for Lent

Posted 12:55am Sunday 11th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

This year for Lent, Catholics gave up paying for UberEats after a mandate straight from the Pope.  “Stop giving your money to a greedy multi-national corporation for Lent,” said the Pope. “The Catholic church does not condone giving your money to an unethical company when Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:49am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Just because you’re an air sign, doesn’t mean you can keep ghosting people. It’s time to face your commitment issues.  Houseplant of choice: Cobwebs    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 With midterms ramping up, there will be more Read more...

EDITORIAL: Harlene Certainly Left Her Mark on Otago

Posted 9:24pm Saturday 10th April 2021 by Erin Gourley

Harlene left Otago a few weeks ago, but that was too early in the year for Critic Te Arohi to have our shit together. We’re writing about her legacy now.  Her exit was quiet. There’s not a lot of fanfare about Vice-Chancellors, despite the impact they have. The University Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Nutcracker

Posted 6:18pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Critic

So, it was the week I lost my virginity.  Myself and my "special friend" at the time were engaging in rampant intercourse, learning the ropes, in more ways than one. Anyhow, during one of these sessions she is riding me particularly hard and a loud "crack" resonates Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 6:15pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Alice Taylor

For days when you truly can’t be fucked and existing beyond the bedroom seems like a tiresome feat, the only thing that helps is a bowl of carbohydrates coated in garlicky oil that takes minutes to make.   You could add vegetables if you like, but as my wise mother always says, Read more...

Eating Beef Good for the Environment, According to Beef Farmers

Posted 6:12pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

In what can only be described as a total rejection of science, NZ Beef and Lamb have started claiming that eating beef helps the planet. “Whenever you eat a nice juicy steak, you’re helping to rid the world of one methane-emitting cow,” said Ethan Methan, the PR spokesperson for Read more...

Local Bar Only Offers Jugs to Highlight Sustainability

Posted 6:11pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A local taproom has ditched pint glasses, citing a new-found emphasis on saving the planet as the reason.  “By only serving jugs,” explained the new manager, Beerface McGee, “we can save shit tonnes of water on washing, as well as reduce the amount of glass purchased by the Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 6:09pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Having a compost bin! A nice way to dispose of food, a nice way to attract worms to your property, and a nice surprise for your landlord at the end of your lease. Turtles. Save them xx Menstrual cups. The company that owns U by Kotex uses palm oil, which is certainly not something I Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Treat yourself to some self care this week. Maybe a quirky new outfit or different vape flavour. Go get 'em.   Vegan food to try: Vape juice   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It's time to stop creating steamy fantasies in your head Read more...

EDITORIAL: You need to get out of North Dunedin

Posted 9:22pm Friday 26th March 2021 by Erin Gourley

North Dunedin has you in its clutches and you haven’t seen a big tree in a month. That’s a problem. There’s a whole wide world of nice things in Dunedin out there, just waiting for you to discover it. I realise that you’re in the depths of first semester and you’re Read more...

Infant Reincarnated From Dead Breatha, Charged for His Student Loan

Posted 3:12pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A Dunedin baby, the world’s first scientifically confirmed reincarnation, has been sent a bill from StudyLink requesting repayment of her past self’s $70,000 student loan.  In a development that rocked the scientific community, the Otago Medical School confirmed that Katie Liu, Read more...

Optimistic Student Clicks ‘Going’ To Hyde Street Before Ticket Release

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Displaying optimism that borders on audacity, Jessica shocked her friends and the broader Dunedin community by clicking ‘Going’ to the Hyde Street Facebook event on the Tuesday that the party was announced.  “Unbelievable. It’s just rude,” said another hopeful Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Horn to My Hornette

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

It was just after lockdown. Me and my best mate hit Starters the night of our touch downs back in the capital of the South Island. We were chomping at the bit to meet some sexy sirs.  I looked up to the Starters DJ to see that he was (to be frank) fucking PEAK breather sexiness, exactly my Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 2:00pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

  Dear Critic, My friend had a bad experience with weed on her first or second go and now won’t try it again. Our friend group is always smoking and I want to include her but she refuses to try again. But her bad experience was like three years ago so surely she can give it another Read more...

Booze Reviews | Weed Tea

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Earl Green

Your path to enlightenment begins with a weed oil. To make it, you need three ounces to a cup of coconut oil. The secret ingredient, which you can get from a health food store, is a teaspoon of sunflower lanolin. The lanolin helps the fats in the oil bind to your stomach, because THC can upset your Read more...

Fuck I Can’t Cook!

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Alice Taylor

The bank account is looking marginal. The novelty of university has been corrupted with the arrival of assignment due dates. Washing is piling up, and you accidently put a black sock in your whites and turned everything a dull shade of grey. It’s that time of university, my friends, where we Read more...

Rate or Hate: Drugs Edition

Posted 1:44pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

  Rate Codeine. Have become very familiar with this bad boy this week and I cannot sing its praises loud enough. All u need is a cheeky broken shoulder and you’ll get the prescription in your hot little hands faster than you can say ‘get off me I think I have broken Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Flo and O are over, you should probably stop partying now and open a goddamn book. Your lecturers and liver will thank you for it.  Your high: Codeine   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Make sure you soak up the last week of your season baby. Get all the Read more...

EDITORIAL: Harm reduction isn’t only for middle-class white kids

Posted 11:27am Sunday 21st March 2021 by Erin Gourley

In case you didn’t notice everything about the magazine you’re holding, this week is our drugs issue. Critic is often criticised for being too pro-drug. And yes, we are 100% pro-drug. I don’t think anyone in our office would say “drugs should stay illegal and I hate Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Part 2: A Big Night

Posted 2:34pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic

After a little convincing of his friend to vacate the one double bed we set to work. This time around we can get a little more adventurous.  He was slamming me from the back, pulling my hair and the icing on the cake was the ass slap that was so close to getting me to the edge. I would have Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 2:28pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic

  Dear Critic, I think my boyfriend and his flatmate are sleeping together. Every time I ask him about it, he says they’re “just friends” but one time, I saw her coming out of his room during a party at theirs. Help? Thanks,  Am I Being Crazy   Hi Read more...

Booze Reviews | Social RTDs

Posted 2:13pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Chug Norris

Social sent us through a mixture of all three of their drinks so I decided to try them all. They all come in 10 x 330 mL boxes and are only 5% ABV. At their usual price of $25 this brings them in at $1.92 per standard, which is very steep.   White Rum Pina Colada This one was rough. As Read more...

Big Harbour Molar Statue Extracted for Cavities

Posted 2:04pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Ōtepoti’s iconic sculpture, the harbour molars, have been extracted due to bacterial decay. The cavities were first observed on the annual DENT269 field trip, during which Otago dentistry students pilgrimage to the harbour inlet and marvel at the enamel delights. This year their fun was Read more...

Student Did Not Only Take TOUR214 for the Free Wine

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Local student Danny DeVino is the first student in the history of the paper ‘Introduction To Wine Business,’ which includes wine tours and a wine-tasting exam, that isn’t taking the paper solely for the free wine.  When asked for comment, lecturer Chardonnay McGoon was Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 1:59pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

  Rate Lecturers sharing their political opinions. I wish school teachers had been allowed to do that. It’s such a sexy insight into their mind’s eye. Victoria Uni Students’ Association having consent bingo nights. Let’s bring that culture to duds x Writing Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:55pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic

  Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Every day that passes is another day that you don't have a mullet. Just get one already.  This week’s beauty hack: Extra hard gel    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 This season is turbulent for everyone else except you. Keep Read more...

EDITORIAL | The Government Wants As Much Money From International Students As Possible

Posted 10:01pm Saturday 13th March 2021 by Erin Gourley

1000 international students are coming to New Zealand this year, but they’re facing rising costs before they even enter the country.  When the government announced the decision to allow these students in, it was all about the numbers. “The annual economic value of this group of Read more...

Landlord Said No to Pet Cat, But Possums In Ceiling Are No Problem

Posted 1:38pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Dunedin landlord Michael Moneybags maintains that the possums in his London Street property’s ceiling are not an issue that he needs to fix. Upon receiving a 14-day notice from his tenants to get rid of the possums, Moneybags did not respond. After a month, he told the tenants “the Read more...

Local Man Believes Kingfisher is Exotic Beer

Posted 1:35pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Local man and beer connoisseur Arthur Davies has long prided himself on his exquisite taste in beers. Shunning established New Zealand favourites like Tui, Steinlager, and Southern Gold as mere “swill” and “only good for my father to get drunk to before beating me with a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Part 1: A Big Night

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic

Queenstown. 2017. One woman. Three boys.   After a long day on the slopes, it seemed only right to indulge in a little après ski. The weather was hot for September and so were my hormones. We started the night as any fresher on a ski trip would, with a few cheeky bevvies in our Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 1:20pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic

  My problem? Broken banjo string. Seriously. Thanks, Patrick   Hi Patrick. I’ve never played an instrument, but I think you can buy replacement strings in town at Music Planet. I’m not sure they carry banjo equipment though. Maybe don’t strum so hard next Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 12:55pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Alice Taylor

Post-O Week, students stand united by two experiences. Experience one is an immobilizing hangover induced by weeklong drinking. Experience two is the sinking feeling of looking at an empty bank account, which has also been induced by weeklong drinking.  When it comes to these dire times, we Read more...

Booze Reviews | Delete Whiskey Cherry Cola

Posted 11:32am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Chug Norris

Delete Cherry Cola tastes more like air freshener and whiskey than cherry and cola. My flatmate’s parents took us to India Gardens on the night I consumed the Deletes. I had been eating fuck all since the start of O-week so I had an absolute feast and was pretty full even after a long walk Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 11:22am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

  Rate Asking groups of white boys at parties “so like IS there a difference between Star Wars and Star Trek?” Great way to kick off some discourse, be prepared to get yelled at tho.  Day drinking during online learning. Nothing like hitting up your 4pm Zoom tut with Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:41am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic

  Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Uni stress has already piled on top of you, like the debt from your Summer festivals. Haha good luck, no advice here.  Your flat cooking menu: Stir fry with frozen veges.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Happy birthday lol, hope Read more...

EDITORIAL | I Like The Richardson Building

Posted 1:58pm Saturday 6th March 2021 by Erin Gourley

Some of you will hate me for what I’m about to write. But it has to be said. The best building on the Otago campus is not the clocktower. It’s the Richardson Building. This looming, brutalist beast is the image that should show up as the Air New Zealand icon for Dunedin. The Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 8:35am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic

  Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Your birthday season went by so fast that no one realised it was all about you. Just think about the uneventful past month. Sorry.  Your O-Week peak: Getting over your birthday depression.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It’s all about Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 2:26am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate ·       Starting the Macarena at parties. Bringing those year eight disco vibes except everyone’s on gear and/or trying to pull. ·       Breathas going out during level two even though there’s 650 Read more...

Fresher’s Toga Has Pockets

Posted 2:12am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Mikaela may be new to Dunedin, but her Toga sure isn’t!  Spotted at Wednesday night’s greco-roman bash, first-year Mikaela sported a handmade toga worn by three generations of family frothers. The sweat encrusted piece included proper waist fashioners, hand sewn leaf drapery, and Read more...

Breatha is “Sorry” After Stern Telling-Off From Dunedin News

Posted 2:07am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

North Dunedin resident and self-described “fresher-fiend” Jock Hunter has been reportedly left deeply remorseful after the litter left from a party at his flat was roundly condemned by local residents on the Dunedin News page on Facebook. The crusading hordes, none of whom have actually Read more...

Booze Reviews | Cheeky Hard Iced Tea

Posted 12:53am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Chug Norris

I consumed Cheeky on a stunning Saturday evening in Dunedin. The refreshing iced tea combined with the thirsty summer weather quickly saw me near the bottom of my box. Cheeky Hard Iced Tea is an instant classic. It has simple packaging and it’s a simple idea, but it’s Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 12:42am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic

Dear Critic, Here’s one for you. I’m having girl problems. I was trying to get with one of my flatmates last year, but she’s since come out as gay. All good, power to her, but things have gotten complicated this year. On Wednesday, she brought home a girl that I had been Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Some Great Ass-bestos

Posted 12:24am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic

It’s very exciting to meet another gay in Dunedin, so when you do, you have to make the most of it. My girlfriend and I were in the U-Haul stage — we were already planning matching scissor stick n’ pokes and she’d lent me her copy of Fun Home, so you could say that it was Read more...

Local Produce: Hazel from Copper Coffee

Posted 11:31pm Tuesday 2nd March 2021 by Erin Gourley

Food trucks are a terrifying concept. You take a whole cafe and squeeze it into a small box on wheels, then drive that box around to different places. Hazel Combs is a student who is out there doing that. She is in the final year of a Politics degree, and decided after the lockdown last year that Read more...

EDITORIAL | Students Were Exploited In Orchard Work

Posted 4:11pm Tuesday 2nd March 2021 by Erin Gourley

Orchards called on uni students to make money picking and packing. Students were not prepared for the exploitative working environment they walked into.   When students set off for the orchards of Central Otago and beyond, it had been a rough year already. A lot of businesses limited the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Between Two Bogans

Posted 3:48pm Sunday 4th October 2020 by Critic

It was a sunny summer Saturday, one of the last before I returned back to dunners this year. Of course, this Saturday was not out of the ordinary as it involved some pretty hectic day drinking and the shenanigans that go along with it. This story begins after a good old-fashioned game of truth or Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Fucked My Way Into Boyfriend Territory

Posted 3:31pm Sunday 4th October 2020 by Critic

We had known each other in high school. Back then, I was the captain of the boys' team, She was the captain of the girls' team. We also sat next to each other in English so safe to say the sexual tension was already through the roof. I barely paid attention in that class. It started as most Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth: Banoffee Pie, with homemade caramel

Posted 2:04am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Well, this is it. The last Bone Apple Teeth. It’s been such a joy to cook and write for you over the past year. Though at times the journey was not easy (especially when we live so close to Willowbank hot chips), the resulting dishes were always, always delicious. Too good not to share. For Read more...

Booze Reviews | Boundary Road: Chocka Hopa

Posted 2:00am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed my slab of BrB: Chocka Hopa on Tuesday night. I’m not sure whether it was the atmosphere the snow created or the stunning quality of the brewing, but the first can of beer really hit the spot. There has been an increase in mid-tier breweries over the past few years which market Read more...

EDITORIAL | L8r Bol

Posted 1:48am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Sinead Gill

This is the final issue of Critic for 2020, and my last Critic forever. After seven years at this glorious institution and three with your student magazine, it’s finally time for me to graduate from student media and student politics. It took me a long time to decide what my final editorial Read more...

EDITORIAL: We’re About to Have the First Māori OUSA President in 22 Years, and That’s a Huge Deal

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 27th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

Otago students are never going to have a student executive that is fully representative of all of their interests. This is ultimately because representative democracy is, for the most part, a sham. Politicians are always going to be promising things that they can’t deliver because, at the end Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Mango

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Critic

Today my Co-Star told me “you were born to make history”, and that really stuck with me. At first, I felt overwhelmed with the pressure my Co-Star bestowed on me. How am I, a loser from Dunedin, going to make any sort of emblematic change to our historical narrative? The pressure seems Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Cruise Club Daddy

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Critic

When the Critic asked us to spill our most scandalous sexcapades I didnt know where to start. I still don’t. So many stories, so little words. Do I start with the 3-way in a sauna which ended with more than sweat dripping down my body, or the 12-man orgy in which I could only make out the Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Breakfast Burrito: the Best Hangover Food of Your Life

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Hangovers are tricky. Once you get past the nausea, the shitting and the headaches, rapid hunger sets in. Whilst Macca’s and KFC are iconic options, I really, really don’t want to leave my house, even in a car (and no I don’t want to pay $20 on UberEats for a $3 cheeseburger). So, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Tiger

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 24th September 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed Tiger while watching Cindy and Judy slog it out at the leaders debate on Tuesday. The debate was dull, but the combination of Tigers and talking shit about both major parties made for a great night. Because of the marketing of the drink, I envisioned the origins of Tiger as a Read more...

Booze Reviews | Yeah the Boys Lager

Posted 4:41pm Sunday 20th September 2020 by Chug Norris

I consumed Yeah The Boys lager on a Wednesday evening over a chill game of cards that quickly escalated into an intense game of bullshit. The beer itself is alright, but it’s a bit pricey and nothing to rave about. The marketing of the drink is a different matter. The packaging contains a Read more...

Editorial: Why Aren’t You Voting Yes?

Posted 4:37pm Sunday 20th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

CW: Addiction When you vote in the cannabis referendum, you should vote yes. Not just for yourself, but for your family or friends who use it, whether or not you know that they do. Vote yes so that the people who already use cannabis - medically or recreationally - don’t have their lives Read more...

Vape Review | Bogan Brews Coorong Cola

Posted 9:37pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Critic

Okay, here’s a question for you: what the fuck does ‘cola’ taste like? No seriously, if you had to explain to someone what cola tasted like without saying cola, how do you describe it? Does it even have its own tasting notes? Every time I drink something cola flavoured, all I can Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Stir-Fry: Impossible to Fuck up

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Assignment time is upon us, my sweets, and what we all need is a salty, quick meal to sustain the study grind. Stir-fries are the ultimate student delicacy. It’s cheap, quick and easy, just like me. It’s the perfect meal to clean your fridge out of all the random bits about to go off and Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | It's Always the Hot Ones

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 17th September 2020 by Critic

It all started during lockdown, ya know when your girl was bored, lonely and especially horny... I was desperate and re-downloaded tinder and started swiping right on everyone, which I must admit was a marginal move from myself.  Anyway, the weeks dragged on throughout lockdown and I Read more...

Editorial | Let Students Vote On A Day Without Exams

Posted 3:53pm Sunday 13th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

None of this is a hot take: Once you’re at the ballot box, all you have to do is tick a couple of times. Once for the person you think would best represent Dunedin, another for which party you think would best make decisions for the country, and then either a ‘yes’ or Read more...

Vape Review | Sadboy E-Liquid Butter Cookie

Posted 10:26pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Critic

Honestly, the biggest cultural reset occurred in 2013 when Yung Lean dropped the videos for his two singles, ‘oreomilkshake’ and ‘Ginseng Strip 2002’. This fucking kid comes onto the scene, bucket hat and all, and drops the chillest of trap beats. His videos were surrounded Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Team Rawdog, right, babe?

Posted 10:23pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Critic

Met a guy on tinder. Really witty, messaged me with more than a hey and I was hooked.  After 6 months of feeling like an incel, all I needed was a root and boot. Quickly organised drinks, knowing that ya girl is a loose goose on the piss. The night rolls around, and I get picked up by this guy Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Takakau Paraoa (Flat Bread) and Motumotu (Doughboys)

Posted 10:20pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It’s Spring time, and that means it’s time for bread. That’s a lie - it’s always time for bread. When it comes to Māori bread, the first thing that may come to people’s minds is fry bread or rēwena bread, but most of the time, takakau bread goes unnoticed. Read more...

Baltika-9

Posted 10:15pm Thursday 10th September 2020 by Chug Norris

While the name is more suitable for an abandoned Soviet nuclear facility than a beverage, it turns out Baltika-9 is also more suitable as a life lesson than as something to drink. After lugging the enormous 900mL can to the top of Queen St and drinking its contents, I found myself regretting the Read more...

Editorial | Getting an Abortion is Actually Super Chill

Posted 1:45pm Sunday 6th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

To me, joking about getting pregnant and raising a child is the peak of comedy. For 99% of my life I had decided I never wanted children. Throw polycystic ovarian syndrome into the mix - a common symptom of which is infertility - and you have a recipe for a woman who shouldn’t haphazardly take Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Sour Blackberry

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

I have a confession to make, I cannot handle any sort of non-bland food. I mean, it’s not really that surprising - I’m white as fuck. Growing up, the most adventurous our dinners would get would be when mum made devilled sausages instead of spag bol. My palette has suffered tremendously Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | All in the TL;DR

Posted 9:42pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

TL:DR = I got fucked bent over the sink of some random castle street flat after Agnew street. I'm sorry. Picture this, it's Agnew St party 2019 (rip), and I was pretty drunk at about 1pm, my rugby girl costume is soaked and absolutely covered in mud, I'm getting ready to leave with my Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Back to Basics

Posted 9:39pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Sometimes you need to go back to the basics before you can graduate from mince on toast flat meals. Cooking can nourish you, surprise you, but also sometimes really fuck you over. There’s nothing worse than mushy rice, burnt pasta or boring eggs. It’s time to acknowledge the shit, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Seltzers

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

I don't know how to say that I unironically love this beverage without sounding like a shill. But, as Tui prepares to launch a similar product, you can tell that when shit commercial beers start adopting a more femme trend, there’s something good afoot. Seltzers are owned by an Read more...

The Critic Bachelor: Finale

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Fuck me, it’s the end of the Bachelor. After weeks of awkward small-talk there are only two girls left standing. Who will win between Amelia and Amanda? The final saga of the Bachelor contains drama, scandal and the kind of fuckery usually only reserved for those who cut the Pint Night line. Read more...

Editorial: South Dunedin Has the Superior Fatty Lane

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

I think it’s safe to say that except for trips to Pak’nSave or the Warehouse (RIP Kmart), most students who travel south-er than the Octy only do so to surf or get a coffee on the Esplanade and wish that they surf. This whole mag this week is full of reasons why you should visit South Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Berries

Posted 8:27pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime, but I have never felt more devastated than when they stopped selling fruit roll-ups at the supermarket. Those sheets of artificial fruit plastic were outstanding. I remember going to Pak’nSave and begging my mum to buy a packet after getting the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | What's a 'Slippery Gecko?'

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

So there I was, a high achiever in my hall, having just been presented a certificate proudly showing my theatrical abilities. It was the first ‘proper’ award I’d ever won and my god was it sitting on my desk proudly. Had my name engraved in the trophy and everything, but that Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Bao Buns: Fluffy, Tender and Flavourful

Posted 8:03pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Hosted by Caroline Moratti and Alice Jones, along with Pippa Bao buns are tender morsels of savoury delight. Quite frankly, you deserve one. Or several. The umami of the beef and hoisin sauce is rich and salty and pairs wonderfully with the delicate bao. The only comparison I can think of is that Read more...

Booze Reviews | Export 33

Posted 8:01pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Switching from Export Gold to Export 33 is like switching from Maccas to Subway, except instead of getting arrested for being a pedophile you just become an annoying elitist prick. I honestly have no idea if there are real health benefits in 33, but they do move you at least three social classes Read more...

EDITORIAL: Landlord Doxes Tenants and Critic Staff

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 16th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

Content Warning: Offensive language, racism, sexism, homophobia, death threats(?) A Facebook account - which commenters believe is a fake name that landlord Karen Brown is using to hide her identity - is using social media to dox their tenants and Critic staff. At worst this is hurtful but Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Mandarin Harvest

Posted 7:52pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

Okay, I have a serious question. Why do all vape stores always have that certain look to them? You know the one, of a small minimalist room comprised of products in glass casing, a lot of empty space, and usually just one dude ripping the phattest fucking cloud behind the computer. It makes me feel Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Draw Me Like One of Your Clichés

Posted 7:49pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

It was a warm January evening pre-COVID of course, I was alone in my flat midway through the summer school slog once again aimlessly scrolling Tinder looking for a respite from my sweaty boredom. Breathers aren’t really my style, so I was on the hunt for a sexy traveller to fill a few evenings Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Cinnamon Scrolls

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Winter is nearly over, and you’re running out of excuses to stay inside all day and bake. Cinnamon scrolls are a brilliant afternoon bite, and the heated leftovers make for a dreamy, idyllic breakfast. The perfect cinnamon scroll is all about generosity - of size, filling and melted butter - Read more...