Archive
Guy Buys Girlfriend Incorrect Tampons, Hailed By The Boys As Hero
Posted 1:01am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Davo was recently the talk of the town after actually nipping up to Gardens New World to buy his girlfriend sanitary products. “What a good guy,” said his mate Freddy. “So brave”, said Jono, nodding in agreement. Davo told the Tribune that on the way back from picking up Read more...
Flatmate Hasn’t Cleaned Mooncup in Two Years
Posted 1:00am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune
“Bro she just keeps leaving it on the pile of dishes like she expects us to wash it,” said one disgruntled breatha. “Like, what does she think we are, a cleaning service?” The bleeder’s menstrual cup is a purple, latex design that she describes as Read more...
Fuck, I Can’t Cook!
Posted 12:59am Monday 24th May 2021 by Alice Taylor
M&M Cookies I find that cookies are a solution to most of life’s tough problems. Is your friend heartbroken? Bake them cookies. Are you stressed? Bake yourself cookies? Friend’s birthday, but you’re poor? Cookies. Need to say sorry? Cookies. To conclude this Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 12:53am Monday 24th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate Menstrual cups. Very cool and environmentally friendly and they’re way easier to insert than they look. Period sex. Chuck a towel down and get amongst it fellas. Getting your period just when you’re about to head to the Albany St Pharmacy for a pregnancy test. A Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 12:49am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 With exams approaching, you may need to work on your attention span. This week’s craving: a whole bag of twisties Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Time to snuggle up, cry and shut yourself out from the world. This week’s craving: Read more...
Library Fine CDOs the Future of University Financial Strategy
Posted 4:46pm Wednesday 19th May 2021 by Critic
In a stroke of genius, the University of Otago has bundled individual outstanding library fines, referred to as book-backed securities (BS), into collateralised debt obligations (CDOs) made up of thousands of outstanding fines. It is rumoured that the promising financial strategy was adopted in Read more...
Local Man Talks Back To Mechanic, Becomes New Alpha Male
Posted 4:45pm Wednesday 19th May 2021 by Critic
In what was hailed as a world-first, a Dunedin man has successfully challenged his mechanic for the coveted position of alpha male. It began when Rob noticed the automatic transmission on his beloved 2011 Volkswagen Golf was beginning to shift oddly. He took it to Mike’s Mechanics down the Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Gym-buddies With Benefits
Posted 5:14pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic
I had never been much of a gym girl. I did the occasional squats, cardio, dumbbells and all that jazz, but I’d never fully committed. So, one day, I thought I’d finally start working towards my lifelong goal of becoming as buff as Korra. This entailed getting a gym membership that I Read more...
Fuck, I Can’t Cook!
Posted 5:12pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Alice Taylor
Bacon, Broccoli and Pea Risotto This is my go-to recipe for when I don’t want to wash up lots of pots and pans. It’s simple, it’s delicious, and everyone loves it. My favourite thing to do with a risotto is to add camembert or brie cheese. I know it sounds a bit weird, but Read more...
Woodstock Bourbon and Cola Raspberry Edition
Posted 5:10pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Chug Norris
Woodstock Raspberry tastes like if a Liquorice Allsort and a rat had a kid. It tastes like a raspberry bun except instead of filling it with jam, they filled with regurgitated Billy Mavs. It tastes like a Razor Scooter to the ankle. It tastes like binge drinking on a dark field when you’re 16. Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 5:07pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate: People putting a fuckton of rubbish on their lawns in protest of the Uni’s 1984 vibes. The Proctor can’t fine us all, or can he?? Getting breathas at the bar at pint night to choose my drink for me. Speights is NOT good and I don’t care that I’m from Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 5:03pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Learn to stand up for yourself, doormat. Good deed for the week: Picking up rubbish Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 In the coming week you’re going to catch feelings. Stop before you start. Good deed for the week: Doing your Read more...
EDITORIAL: Let Scrumpy hands die
Posted 3:36pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Erin Gourley
There, there. It’s over now. You can relax. No more shall the threat of scrumpy hands plague these streets. No more shall students walk the streets in fear of the next red card where they will be forced to drink two bottles of the worst form of alcohol imaginable. Scrumpy hands is no more. Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Like a Chainsaw
Posted 4:21pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Critic
I had a lot of questions when I first came into the possession of some anal beads, courtesy of Critic for some prior raunchy content. I had delved into a bit of butt stuff before but nothing much more than a thumb up the bum or a weak and dissatisfying attempt at anal. This gift had my senses piqued Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 4:19pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate: The theory that Epstein DIDN’T kill himself. That’s not even a conspiracy theory at this point it just simply was a cover up by rich American child sex traffickers. The JonBenét Ramsay theory: I am fairly certain that it was the brother and the parents covered it Read more...
Fuck, I’m Cold!
Posted 4:17pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Alice Taylor
Congratulations my friends, we have unofficially descended into Dunedin’s bone-chilling winter. As I struggle to come to terms with this reality, I have been comforting my soul with this Potato and Leek Soup. This recipe is perfect for those chilly days, and it won’t break the bank Read more...
Booze Reviews | Soju
Posted 4:14pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Chug Norris
Following in the footsteps of Marco Polo I embarked on a tasting of the Korean spirit soju. Originally brewed as a pure spirit, soju now comes in a range of fruit flavours. I selected three flavours from the Chateul Soorok brand for consideration. I’ll be honest I had never even heard of Soju Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 4:11pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin. Coping mechanism: Therapy Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here. Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming Aries Mar 21 - Apr Read more...
EDITORIAL: Please listen to me
Posted 2:15pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Erin Gourley
A few years ago it would have been weirD to create an entire issue about conspiracies. They weren’t that relevant. If you said conspiracies, people didn’t think of vaccines or 5G, they thought of JFK and the moon landing. It was a simpler time. These fun little conspiracies didn’t Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | The Wrong Kind of Bang
Posted 8:29pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic
This boy was very cute. French, got the curls, six foot tall, eight inches, the whole package. We were a few dates in by this point, feeling each other out but not quite feeling each other up yet. This bitch was getting horny. One Friday night we decided to get dressed up and go to town. We chatted, Read more...
Dear Critic...
Posted 8:27pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic
Dear Critic, I just hope he reads this. To the boy I slept with at Hyde: I have Chlamydia. I’m sorry. You had brown hair, a fade, and were wearing a vest and button-up combo as part of your Peaky Blinders fit. You were drinking Major Major. I think your name was James? I’m not sure. Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 8:25pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic
I am literally just saying songs I rate and hate and why. I am not capable of complex thought at this time x Rate Cellophane by FKA Twigs. I really rate that song and its massive sad indie girl vibes. Slumber Party by Ashnikko ft. Princess Nokia. My flatmate and I learned the Read more...
Fuck, I Have Scurvy!
Posted 8:17pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Alice Taylor
Veggie Fajitas (to help you avoid scurvy) Though I am a passionate advocate for beige food, I am also passionately against scurvy, that terrible thing my mother threatened I would get if I didn’t eat my peas for dinner. If you feel like it is time to be kind to that beautiful body of yours, Read more...
Booze Reviews | Peronis: Living the High Life
Posted 8:08pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Chug Norris
Italians either succeed at something completely, or they fail at it miserably. Ferraris and World War II are some prime examples of these extremes. Peronis are something that they managed to get right. They are a perfect beer for demonstrating to your peers that you are sophisticated yet down to Read more...
Otago’s New Vice-Chancellor Revealed
Posted 8:01pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Following months of speculation, the Uni’s newest Vice-Chancellor has been named as AirFryer PROMAX-XL®. It is Otago’s first Vice-Chancellor of Chinese origin, the first to be a kitchen appliance, and the second soulless machine to hold the position. The appointment was Read more...
Other Students Fascinated, Dazzled, and In a General State of Awe That You Know the DJ
Posted 7:59pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Students were overwhelmed with Fanzi Pance’s knowledge of local music when, last Saturday night, he proudly informed the people of Catacombs that he knew the DJ. “I’ve never met someone who knows a DJ before,” gushed Jessica, who had consumed two blueberry cruisers that Read more...
EDITORIAL: Tell the Uni where they can stick their rubbish fines
Posted 3:41pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Erin Gourley
Yeah, that’s right, I’m the Proctor and I will impose a daily fine on you if you don’t clean up the rubbish and broken glass outside your flat. That’s what could happen if you don’t submit against the University’s proposed changes to the Code of Conduct. Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Yanking My Christmas Cracker
Posted 9:58pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic
It's December, 2020, and I'm finally back home for Christmas break. With everyone stuck in one small house again (parents, siblings, pets, neighbours coming round), it gets pretty suffocating and sexually frustrating pretty quick. Lucky for me, I have a lad on call with a car. So, Read more...
Dear Critic...
Posted 9:55pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic
Dear Critic, Last week I wrote in about a wasp’s nest and you suggested that you could soak it in petrol to get them to move out. Well, the tradies next door got the petrol out of the lawn mower and soaked it, but they ignited it, so now there's a smoldering wasp nest and a swarm of Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 9:53pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic
Rate Students who have never once made it to an 8am lecture getting up at 5.30 to start drinking. That’s on priorities. Boys hitting hyde wearing Peaky Blinders costumes. To the people who reused your teletubby halloween costumes from 2016, step up your game x The North D Read more...
Fuck, I Can’t Cook!
Posted 9:50pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Alice Taylor
Crazy for Katsu If I was to tally all the money I have spent on food in the last four years, a substantial portion would have been spent on my dearest fried chicken. I do not regret a single cent I have spent on this glorious food, but it was wise to learn how to make it myself. This recipe is Read more...
Booze Reviews | Major Major
Posted 9:40pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Chug Norris
In my extremely shit-faced attempts to find something newsworthy at Hyde I came across a dude pissing against a wall and holding a Major Major. I asked him what he thought of his beverage and he told me: “Bloody good, tastes just like apple-juice.” That is an excellent summary Read more...
All “Young People on the Property Ladder” Actually Just One Landlord
Posted 9:37pm Monday 26th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune
In a shocking exposé, it has been revealed that all media stories about young people buying houses were faked. A fraudulent Dunedin landlord was hired by the New Zealand Property Investors’ Federation to impersonate young Kiwis buying their first home by putting on a range of Read more...
North Islander Discovers the Hype Behind Cheese Rolls
Posted 9:35pm Monday 26th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune
In a stunning and unexpected U-turn hailed as a new dawn for inter-island relations, a North Islander tried a cheese roll and understood just why South Islanders love it so much. James, who was born and bred in Palmerston North, has been a student at Otago for the last four years. Despite Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 9:32pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 There are plenty of fish in the sea, stop catching feelings. Accessory of choice: chokers Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep doing your hot pisces shit, don’t let anyone steal your energy this week baby. Accessory of choice: new shoes Aries Mar 21 - Read more...
EDITORIAL: Please someone open a bakery near campus
Posted 12:15pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Erin Gourley
Look I don’t really understand how businesses work and I’m not going to pretend I do. This is less of a valid opinion, and more of a personal fantasy of mine. My demand is simple: I want a bakery near campus. Not a cafe with overpriced scones and slices. A bakery that is overflowing Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | The Effortless Threesome
Posted 1:53am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic
Flashback to 2017. It’s my first year at Otago University (I transferred from Canterbury because my life there was as flat as the city’s landscape). It’s a Thursday night and I’m bored so I send an “upto” to someone I used to go to high school with. Lo Read more...
Dear Critic...
Posted 1:50am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic
Dear Critic, There’s a wasp nest in front of our flat. Every time I walk out, I’m terrified that I’m gonna get stung. Our landlord said we could just call some ecology students and they’d pull it out, but I highly doubt that. What do we do? Shawn Gidday Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 1:45am Monday 19th April 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate Cooking a meal on your kitchen floor because all the bench space has dishes on it. Sounds gross but is actually a quintessential experience Margaret Atwood: She can write anything, can’t believe she’s still alive The garlic bread they sell at stilettos. Read more...
Fuck, I Can’t Cook!
Posted 1:40am Monday 19th April 2021 by Alice Taylor
Crispy satay tofu I am very passionate about this week’s recipe. It’s difficult to mess it up an delicious. I have been known to pour this sauce into a bowl, microwave it, and eat it with a spoon. I have served the sauce here with crispy fried tofu, but you could pour it over Read more...
Booze Reviews: Cocktail Research and Development
Posted 1:33am Monday 19th April 2021 by Chug Norris
Having already acquired my alcohol for Hyde and not ready to buy anything else for the week, I decided to scrounge the little alcohol I had and try out a few wacky combinations. Mostly they were better than the original ingredients. Triple Brown The Triple Brown consists of a Double Brown with Read more...
Millions of Questions, But Nobody AskedOtago How It Was Feeling
Posted 1:29am Monday 19th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune
AskOtago is reportedly on the brink of a nervous breakdown after, despite having answered millions of student questions since it opened on the ground floor of Central in 2018, nobody asked it how it was really doing. The helpdesk service has been struggling to cope emotionally for years, Read more...
Judith Collins Eyes Vice-Chancellorship
Posted 1:28am Monday 19th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune
After a slew of dismal polling numbers and backstabbing within the National Party, Leader of the Opposition Judith “Crusher” Collins is in talks with Otago Uni executives for the vacant role of Vice-Chancellor. Whispers of yet another leadership change in the National Party have Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 1:25am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Feeling manic? Call your therapist. To bake this week: your mind Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You need to stop dwelling on yet another failed talking stage. You can do better than tinder breathas. To bake this week: chocolate covered Read more...
EDITORIAL: Sign Up Club Should Absolutely Not Take Over OUSA’s Meeting
Posted 8:42pm Sunday 18th April 2021 by Erin Gourley
I repeat, Sign Up Club should NOT take over the OUSA Student General Meeting that is taking place on Wednesday 21 April at 12pm in Union Hall. It would be VERY BAD if Sign Up Club sent say a hundred members of their pyramid scheme, and their members voted as a bloc making up over 50% of the Read more...
Piss Poor Moaningful Confession
Posted 1:20am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic
“Your essay is shit.” My heart dropped to my stomach, I knew he was saying it in a playful tone, but I had spent a dismal night in St Daves trying to fix my assignment. This guy had passed this paper: he could help me make it better. He must have known his comment hurt because Read more...
Fuck, I'm in Love!
Posted 1:14am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Alice Taylor
I passionately believe that the most effective way to tell your special someone you love them is through the gift of chocolate in molten form. These gooey chocolate puddings are so easy to make and will make the person you give it to feel very special. And if you don’t happen to have another Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 1:09am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate The flying fox behind gardens New World. Provides much entertainment on a dusty walk home from town. Wearing the same top as another girl at a party. It’s not embarrassing, that’s just how you know you’re fashionable. Adults on Lime scooters. You go Read more...
Booze Reviews | Rodenbach
Posted 1:02am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Chug Norris
Rodenbach caused Black Friday levels of sensation at Centre City New World when they were put on sale for $1.99 for a six-pack. Ahead of the curve, I managed to grab 48 cans ($16 worth) before the masses swept the rest away. This turned out to be one of the worst decisions of my life. In my Read more...
Acting Vice-Chancellor Cancels Uni’s Moth Protection, Moths Eat Everything
Posted 12:57am Sunday 11th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune
The University Senate last week voted to drop the Uni’s moth protection plan. In the days since, moths have wreaked havoc across campus. “The University has been held hostage by Big Moth for too long,” said the new Vice-Chancellor. “As part of this new regime of financial Read more...
Catholics Gave Up Paying for Uber Eats for Lent
Posted 12:55am Sunday 11th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune
This year for Lent, Catholics gave up paying for UberEats after a mandate straight from the Pope. “Stop giving your money to a greedy multi-national corporation for Lent,” said the Pope. “The Catholic church does not condone giving your money to an unethical company when Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 12:49am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Just because you’re an air sign, doesn’t mean you can keep ghosting people. It’s time to face your commitment issues. Houseplant of choice: Cobwebs Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 With midterms ramping up, there will be more Read more...
EDITORIAL: Harlene Certainly Left Her Mark on Otago
Posted 9:24pm Saturday 10th April 2021 by Erin Gourley
Harlene left Otago a few weeks ago, but that was too early in the year for Critic Te Arohi to have our shit together. We’re writing about her legacy now. Her exit was quiet. There’s not a lot of fanfare about Vice-Chancellors, despite the impact they have. The University Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | The Nutcracker
Posted 6:18pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Critic
So, it was the week I lost my virginity. Myself and my "special friend" at the time were engaging in rampant intercourse, learning the ropes, in more ways than one. Anyhow, during one of these sessions she is riding me particularly hard and a loud "crack" resonates Read more...
Fuck, I Can’t Cook!
Posted 6:15pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Alice Taylor
For days when you truly can’t be fucked and existing beyond the bedroom seems like a tiresome feat, the only thing that helps is a bowl of carbohydrates coated in garlicky oil that takes minutes to make. You could add vegetables if you like, but as my wise mother always says, Read more...
Eating Beef Good for the Environment, According to Beef Farmers
Posted 6:12pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
In what can only be described as a total rejection of science, NZ Beef and Lamb have started claiming that eating beef helps the planet. “Whenever you eat a nice juicy steak, you’re helping to rid the world of one methane-emitting cow,” said Ethan Methan, the PR spokesperson for Read more...
Local Bar Only Offers Jugs to Highlight Sustainability
Posted 6:11pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
A local taproom has ditched pint glasses, citing a new-found emphasis on saving the planet as the reason. “By only serving jugs,” explained the new manager, Beerface McGee, “we can save shit tonnes of water on washing, as well as reduce the amount of glass purchased by the Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 6:09pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate Having a compost bin! A nice way to dispose of food, a nice way to attract worms to your property, and a nice surprise for your landlord at the end of your lease. Turtles. Save them xx Menstrual cups. The company that owns U by Kotex uses palm oil, which is certainly not something I Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 5:43pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Treat yourself to some self care this week. Maybe a quirky new outfit or different vape flavour. Go get 'em. Vegan food to try: Vape juice Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It's time to stop creating steamy fantasies in your head Read more...
EDITORIAL: You need to get out of North Dunedin
Posted 9:22pm Friday 26th March 2021 by Erin Gourley
North Dunedin has you in its clutches and you haven’t seen a big tree in a month. That’s a problem. There’s a whole wide world of nice things in Dunedin out there, just waiting for you to discover it. I realise that you’re in the depths of first semester and you’re Read more...
Infant Reincarnated From Dead Breatha, Charged for His Student Loan
Posted 3:12pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
A Dunedin baby, the world’s first scientifically confirmed reincarnation, has been sent a bill from StudyLink requesting repayment of her past self’s $70,000 student loan. In a development that rocked the scientific community, the Otago Medical School confirmed that Katie Liu, Read more...
Optimistic Student Clicks ‘Going’ To Hyde Street Before Ticket Release
Posted 3:11pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Displaying optimism that borders on audacity, Jessica shocked her friends and the broader Dunedin community by clicking ‘Going’ to the Hyde Street Facebook event on the Tuesday that the party was announced. “Unbelievable. It’s just rude,” said another hopeful Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | The Horn to My Hornette
Posted 2:03pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic
It was just after lockdown. Me and my best mate hit Starters the night of our touch downs back in the capital of the South Island. We were chomping at the bit to meet some sexy sirs. I looked up to the Starters DJ to see that he was (to be frank) fucking PEAK breather sexiness, exactly my Read more...
Dear Critic...
Posted 2:00pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic
Dear Critic, My friend had a bad experience with weed on her first or second go and now won’t try it again. Our friend group is always smoking and I want to include her but she refuses to try again. But her bad experience was like three years ago so surely she can give it another Read more...
Booze Reviews | Weed Tea
Posted 1:57pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Earl Green
Your path to enlightenment begins with a weed oil. To make it, you need three ounces to a cup of coconut oil. The secret ingredient, which you can get from a health food store, is a teaspoon of sunflower lanolin. The lanolin helps the fats in the oil bind to your stomach, because THC can upset your Read more...
Fuck I Can’t Cook!
Posted 1:51pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Alice Taylor
The bank account is looking marginal. The novelty of university has been corrupted with the arrival of assignment due dates. Washing is piling up, and you accidently put a black sock in your whites and turned everything a dull shade of grey. It’s that time of university, my friends, where we Read more...
Rate or Hate: Drugs Edition
Posted 1:44pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate Codeine. Have become very familiar with this bad boy this week and I cannot sing its praises loud enough. All u need is a cheeky broken shoulder and you’ll get the prescription in your hot little hands faster than you can say ‘get off me I think I have broken Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 1:40pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Flo and O are over, you should probably stop partying now and open a goddamn book. Your lecturers and liver will thank you for it. Your high: Codeine Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Make sure you soak up the last week of your season baby. Get all the Read more...
EDITORIAL: Harm reduction isn’t only for middle-class white kids
Posted 11:27am Sunday 21st March 2021 by Erin Gourley
In case you didn’t notice everything about the magazine you’re holding, this week is our drugs issue. Critic is often criticised for being too pro-drug. And yes, we are 100% pro-drug. I don’t think anyone in our office would say “drugs should stay illegal and I hate Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Part 2: A Big Night
Posted 2:34pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic
After a little convincing of his friend to vacate the one double bed we set to work. This time around we can get a little more adventurous. He was slamming me from the back, pulling my hair and the icing on the cake was the ass slap that was so close to getting me to the edge. I would have Read more...
Dear Critic...
Posted 2:28pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic
Dear Critic, I think my boyfriend and his flatmate are sleeping together. Every time I ask him about it, he says they’re “just friends” but one time, I saw her coming out of his room during a party at theirs. Help? Thanks, Am I Being Crazy Hi Read more...
Booze Reviews | Social RTDs
Posted 2:13pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Chug Norris
Social sent us through a mixture of all three of their drinks so I decided to try them all. They all come in 10 x 330 mL boxes and are only 5% ABV. At their usual price of $25 this brings them in at $1.92 per standard, which is very steep. White Rum Pina Colada This one was rough. As Read more...
Big Harbour Molar Statue Extracted for Cavities
Posted 2:04pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Ōtepoti’s iconic sculpture, the harbour molars, have been extracted due to bacterial decay. The cavities were first observed on the annual DENT269 field trip, during which Otago dentistry students pilgrimage to the harbour inlet and marvel at the enamel delights. This year their fun was Read more...
Student Did Not Only Take TOUR214 for the Free Wine
Posted 2:03pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Local student Danny DeVino is the first student in the history of the paper ‘Introduction To Wine Business,’ which includes wine tours and a wine-tasting exam, that isn’t taking the paper solely for the free wine. When asked for comment, lecturer Chardonnay McGoon was Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 1:59pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate Lecturers sharing their political opinions. I wish school teachers had been allowed to do that. It’s such a sexy insight into their mind’s eye. Victoria Uni Students’ Association having consent bingo nights. Let’s bring that culture to duds x Writing Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 1:55pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Every day that passes is another day that you don't have a mullet. Just get one already. This week’s beauty hack: Extra hard gel Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 This season is turbulent for everyone else except you. Keep Read more...
EDITORIAL | The Government Wants As Much Money From International Students As Possible
Posted 10:01pm Saturday 13th March 2021 by Erin Gourley
1000 international students are coming to New Zealand this year, but they’re facing rising costs before they even enter the country. When the government announced the decision to allow these students in, it was all about the numbers. “The annual economic value of this group of Read more...
Landlord Said No to Pet Cat, But Possums In Ceiling Are No Problem
Posted 1:38pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Dunedin landlord Michael Moneybags maintains that the possums in his London Street property’s ceiling are not an issue that he needs to fix. Upon receiving a 14-day notice from his tenants to get rid of the possums, Moneybags did not respond. After a month, he told the tenants “the Read more...
Local Man Believes Kingfisher is Exotic Beer
Posted 1:35pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Local man and beer connoisseur Arthur Davies has long prided himself on his exquisite taste in beers. Shunning established New Zealand favourites like Tui, Steinlager, and Southern Gold as mere “swill” and “only good for my father to get drunk to before beating me with a Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Part 1: A Big Night
Posted 1:24pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic
Queenstown. 2017. One woman. Three boys. After a long day on the slopes, it seemed only right to indulge in a little après ski. The weather was hot for September and so were my hormones. We started the night as any fresher on a ski trip would, with a few cheeky bevvies in our Read more...
Dear Critic...
Posted 1:20pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic
My problem? Broken banjo string. Seriously. Thanks, Patrick Hi Patrick. I’ve never played an instrument, but I think you can buy replacement strings in town at Music Planet. I’m not sure they carry banjo equipment though. Maybe don’t strum so hard next Read more...
Fuck, I Can’t Cook!
Posted 12:55pm Sunday 7th March 2021 by Alice Taylor
Post-O Week, students stand united by two experiences. Experience one is an immobilizing hangover induced by weeklong drinking. Experience two is the sinking feeling of looking at an empty bank account, which has also been induced by weeklong drinking. When it comes to these dire times, we Read more...
Booze Reviews | Delete Whiskey Cherry Cola
Posted 11:32am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Chug Norris
Delete Cherry Cola tastes more like air freshener and whiskey than cherry and cola. My flatmate’s parents took us to India Gardens on the night I consumed the Deletes. I had been eating fuck all since the start of O-week so I had an absolute feast and was pretty full even after a long walk Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 11:22am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate Asking groups of white boys at parties “so like IS there a difference between Star Wars and Star Trek?” Great way to kick off some discourse, be prepared to get yelled at tho. Day drinking during online learning. Nothing like hitting up your 4pm Zoom tut with Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 12:41am Sunday 7th March 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Uni stress has already piled on top of you, like the debt from your Summer festivals. Haha good luck, no advice here. Your flat cooking menu: Stir fry with frozen veges. Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Happy birthday lol, hope Read more...
EDITORIAL | I Like The Richardson Building
Posted 1:58pm Saturday 6th March 2021 by Erin Gourley
Some of you will hate me for what I’m about to write. But it has to be said. The best building on the Otago campus is not the clocktower. It’s the Richardson Building. This looming, brutalist beast is the image that should show up as the Air New Zealand icon for Dunedin. The Read more...
Horoscope
Posted 8:35am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Your birthday season went by so fast that no one realised it was all about you. Just think about the uneventful past month. Sorry. Your O-Week peak: Getting over your birthday depression. Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It’s all about Read more...
Rate or Hate
Posted 2:26am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Sasha Freeman
Rate · Starting the Macarena at parties. Bringing those year eight disco vibes except everyone’s on gear and/or trying to pull. · Breathas going out during level two even though there’s 650 Read more...
Fresher’s Toga Has Pockets
Posted 2:12am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
Mikaela may be new to Dunedin, but her Toga sure isn’t! Spotted at Wednesday night’s greco-roman bash, first-year Mikaela sported a handmade toga worn by three generations of family frothers. The sweat encrusted piece included proper waist fashioners, hand sewn leaf drapery, and Read more...
Breatha is “Sorry” After Stern Telling-Off From Dunedin News
Posted 2:07am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune
North Dunedin resident and self-described “fresher-fiend” Jock Hunter has been reportedly left deeply remorseful after the litter left from a party at his flat was roundly condemned by local residents on the Dunedin News page on Facebook. The crusading hordes, none of whom have actually Read more...
Booze Reviews | Cheeky Hard Iced Tea
Posted 12:53am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Chug Norris
I consumed Cheeky on a stunning Saturday evening in Dunedin. The refreshing iced tea combined with the thirsty summer weather quickly saw me near the bottom of my box. Cheeky Hard Iced Tea is an instant classic. It has simple packaging and it’s a simple idea, but it’s Read more...
Dear Critic...
Posted 12:42am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic
Dear Critic, Here’s one for you. I’m having girl problems. I was trying to get with one of my flatmates last year, but she’s since come out as gay. All good, power to her, but things have gotten complicated this year. On Wednesday, she brought home a girl that I had been Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Some Great Ass-bestos
Posted 12:24am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by Critic
It’s very exciting to meet another gay in Dunedin, so when you do, you have to make the most of it. My girlfriend and I were in the U-Haul stage — we were already planning matching scissor stick n’ pokes and she’d lent me her copy of Fun Home, so you could say that it was Read more...
Local Produce: Hazel from Copper Coffee
Posted 11:31pm Tuesday 2nd March 2021 by Erin Gourley
Food trucks are a terrifying concept. You take a whole cafe and squeeze it into a small box on wheels, then drive that box around to different places. Hazel Combs is a student who is out there doing that. She is in the final year of a Politics degree, and decided after the lockdown last year that Read more...
EDITORIAL | Students Were Exploited In Orchard Work
Posted 4:11pm Tuesday 2nd March 2021 by Erin Gourley
Orchards called on uni students to make money picking and packing. Students were not prepared for the exploitative working environment they walked into. When students set off for the orchards of Central Otago and beyond, it had been a rough year already. A lot of businesses limited the Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Between Two Bogans
Posted 3:48pm Sunday 4th October 2020 by Critic
It was a sunny summer Saturday, one of the last before I returned back to dunners this year. Of course, this Saturday was not out of the ordinary as it involved some pretty hectic day drinking and the shenanigans that go along with it. This story begins after a good old-fashioned game of truth or Read more...
Moaningful Confessions | Fucked My Way Into Boyfriend Territory
Posted 3:31pm Sunday 4th October 2020 by Critic
We had known each other in high school. Back then, I was the captain of the boys' team, She was the captain of the girls' team. We also sat next to each other in English so safe to say the sexual tension was already through the roof. I barely paid attention in that class. It started as most Read more...
Bone Apple Teeth: Banoffee Pie, with homemade caramel
Posted 2:04am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Caroline Moratti
Well, this is it. The last Bone Apple Teeth. It’s been such a joy to cook and write for you over the past year. Though at times the journey was not easy (especially when we live so close to Willowbank hot chips), the resulting dishes were always, always delicious. Too good not to share. For Read more...
Booze Reviews | Boundary Road: Chocka Hopa
Posted 2:00am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Chug Norris
I consumed my slab of BrB: Chocka Hopa on Tuesday night. I’m not sure whether it was the atmosphere the snow created or the stunning quality of the brewing, but the first can of beer really hit the spot. There has been an increase in mid-tier breweries over the past few years which market Read more...
EDITORIAL | L8r Bol
Posted 1:48am Friday 2nd October 2020 by Sinead Gill
This is the final issue of Critic for 2020, and my last Critic forever. After seven years at this glorious institution and three with your student magazine, it’s finally time for me to graduate from student media and student politics. It took me a long time to decide what my final editorial Read more...
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