Otago’s New Vice-Chancellor Revealed

Otago’s New Vice-Chancellor Revealed

Following months of speculation, the Uni’s newest Vice-Chancellor has been named as AirFryer PROMAX-XL®. It is Otago’s first Vice-Chancellor of Chinese origin, the first to be a kitchen appliance, and the second soulless machine to hold the position. 

The appointment was announced at a press conference in the Clocktower by the Acting Vice-Chancellor. She was dressed for the occasion in a chef’s outfit, standing behind a table lined with various bowls of frozen fries, chopped vegetables and a whole uncooked chicken marinating in honey soy dressing. 

“This is a historic moment for our University,” she said. “As a multi-purpose appliance which cooks faster than an oven, and fries with up to 70% less calories than a conventional deep-fryer, but without all the hassle and mess, we were blown away by the proven credentials of AirFryer PROMAX-XL® for this position.” 

The Acting VC proceeded to cook up a roast chicken dinner with a side of fries and roasted vegetables for the Critical Tribune in just one hour, using only the AirFryer PROMAX-XL® and three teaspoons of canola oil. “With the AirFryer PROMAX-XL®, we could be assured of perfection every single time, thanks to its unique HeatTornado PLUS™ technology, circulating super-heated air to ensure crispy, yet tender, results. But wait, there’s more! In addition to the AirFryer PROMAX-XL® and the Rotisserie Pack, which is half-price but only for today, we were able to get not one, but two AirFryer PROMAX-XL® for the price of just one! That’s right, buy one, get one free!”

At press time, staffers at the Vice-Chancellor’s Office were heard arguing with ShopTV representatives by phone about a “30-day money back guarantee”.

This article first appeared in Issue 9, 2021.
Posted 8:01pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by The Critical Tribune.