Local Man Warns of Rampant Scam

Posted 6:28pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Dave, local pisshead and student, contacted the news to report a scam. “Hey bro, I just realized the other day that I’m actually being scammed, and I need to tell other people about it”, he warned. It was very serious. “So, turns out, I’m being scammed by my Read more...

Police Respond to Dunedin Residents’ Complaints About Noise

Posted 3:35pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Nik Ferit

Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional and was written by AI In response to complaints from Dunedin residents about noise at student parties, police in the city have adopted a new, more conservative approach, involving specialised officers and increased surveillance of student housing Read more...

OUSA Student Executive Creates New Crypto Bro Position on Executive

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

OUSA Finance and Strategy Officer Emily has been crunching the numbers on how to survive the next fiscal year, and came to the conclusion that they are in trouble. In order to combat this, she is introducing the Crypto Executive Position, which starts in two weeks. The new position is already being Read more...

Predator Free Dunedin didn’t catch a Single Paedophile Last Year

Posted 2:09pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

The whole concept of one-trap-fits-all for paedophiles hasn’t been super effective. Despite PFD’s best efforts, not a single sexual predator was caught by their automated traps, presumably because the traps are rat-sized. A local predator said, “The council is generalising us which Read more...

Conspiracy Theory Pinboards Behind Newfound Love of Fibre Art

Posted 2:10pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Local man Hugh Anon, a voracious Facebook disinformer, has discovered a use for pins and yarn that doesn’t involve being homophobic or antisemitic. “It all started last year when lockdown took away my free speech,” Hugh told the Tribune, “so I took to social media to speak Read more...

“Free Thinker” Millennial Wonders Who Really Built the Pyramid Scheme She Joined

Posted 2:11pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by The Critical Tribune

“Look, I don’t want the liberal PC media woke brigade to cancel me,” said Ms A. Von to Critic Tribune, “but if you take a closer look at the culture behind, y’know, pyramid schemes, something doesn’t add up,” she concluded, with all the authority of someone Read more...

“House DJ” Grateful that Red Settings are Still in Place

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Local breatha Thomas Bangerson has been using his somewhat upcoming, mostly failing career as a house DJ as his prime drawcard on Tinder. The only reason he isn’t playing the big stage, he claimed, “was because we’re in red, so I’m at the same level as Subsonic, Read more...

ABBA Awards Richardson Building Highest Architectural Honours

Posted 1:19pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by The Critical Tribune

The Richardson building has just received an award from the Appreciation of the Blind for Building and Architecture, or ABBA for short. This came as a shock to most people who have ever seen the building, but the Richardson building defended its title. “Most people don’t see me in my Read more...

Beezies Bewildered by Bad Beverage Breakouts

Posted 5:34pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by The Critical Tribune

Local girls have recently been shocked to discover that their ultra-healthy, sugar-free RTDs have horrible side effects. Critic Te Arohi spoke to Samantha who bemoaned, “I can’t believe it. My collagen boosting drink with notes of aloe vera and angel piss gave me a pimple the next Read more...

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