Dear Critic...

Dear Critic...

Dear Critic,

Last week I wrote in about a wasp’s nest and you suggested that you could soak it in petrol to get them to move out. Well, the tradies next door got the petrol out of the lawn mower and soaked it, but they ignited it, so now there's a smoldering wasp nest and a swarm of pissed off homeless wasps around our flat, and the guy got stung loads of times. Now we can’t get in our front door without being stung by wasps. What’s next?

Fuck you,



Hi Shawn,

Fucking idiots. Slam them with a lawsuit saying that they’re squatting on your property. If they’re well-read wasps, they may cite squatter’s rights, but if they do, make sure nobody’s looking and just beat them into submission. This is a tried and true landlord tactic to deal with “undesirable residents”, and even if police do see you, you can probably write the report with them to make it look like self-defence.

At this point it’s really the tradies’ problem, so if nothing else works, find a way to deport the wasps to their property. Or your landlord’s home. Damn, you really got some dumb fucking neighbours tho.


Sugondeese Offten

This article first appeared in Issue 8, 2021.
Posted 9:55pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic.