Horoscope

Horoscope

Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Re O might be over, but don’t let that stop you. Have a few cheeky ones this week at Pint Night. 

Sex tip: root and scoot 

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sex tip: loosen up in the bedroom 

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Stop chasing people who don’t want you. Focus on yourself. 

Sex tip: do it with anyone at this point, it’s probably been a while 

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

Keep being stable, keep being sexy. 

Sex tip: you don’t need one

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

Your lack of concentration and organisation isn’t quirky, it’s just fucking annoying.

Sex tip: try not to catch feelings 

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

You can’t fight with stupid. 

Sex tip: try some roleplay 

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

Your season will be a time of transformation. Prepare for major character development. 

Sex tip: try being a sub 

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Virgo women, it’s time to unleash your pussy power.

Sex tip: do whoever, whenever 

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

It’s the superiority complex for me. 

Sex tip: try something other than missionary 

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Go on a date. Please. Seriously, we all know it’s been a while. 

Sex tip: expand your sex toy horizon, don’t limit yourself to vibrators 

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

It’s time to address your situationship, don’t waste your semester questioning everything.

Sex tip: try 69 

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

If your last Tinder hook up was a bit shit that’s okay, love will be coming your way soon. 

Sex tip: try looking for love the old fashioned way 

This article first appeared in Issue 16, 2021.
Posted 5:52pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic.