Jan 20 - Feb 18
Feeling manic? Call your therapist.
To bake this week: your mind
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You need to stop dwelling on yet another failed talking stage. You can do better than tinder breathas.
To bake this week: chocolate covered strawberries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Stop making shit jokes at the expense of others. You’re not funny, you’re just fucking annoying.
To bake this week: rocky road
Apr 20 - May 20
Much like your life, nothing monumental or interesting comes to mind for this week. Sorry.
To bake this week: gingernuts
May 21 - Jun 20
Hope you didn’t spend too much money on your Hyde costume, given you have two personas anyway.
To bake this week: nothing, you don’t deserve joy
Jun 21 - July 22
It’s time for your yearly STD check.
To bake this week: lemon drizzle cake
July - Aug 22
Have you been surrounded by drama lately? It’s probably your own fault, stop seeking so much attention.
To bake this week: cupcakes
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Keep being on your hot virgo shit. Literally no one is as superior as you.
To bake this week: caramel slice
Sep 23 - Oct 22
Newsflash, thinking you’re cool doesn’t actually make you cool.
To bake this week: oatmeal muffins
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Stressful times ahead. Get that vibrator out.
To bake this week: belgium biscuits
Nov 22 - Dec 21
It’s time for a self care night. Think weed brownies and maladaptive daydreaming. Rest up, buttercup.
To bake this week: lolly cake
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Did you know you actually aren’t right all the time? This week, try reeling in the shitty attitude.
To bake this week: sticky date pudding