Jan 20 - Feb 18
Just because you’re an air sign, doesn’t mean you can keep ghosting people. It’s time to face your commitment issues.
Houseplant of choice: Cobwebs
Feb 19 - Mar 20
With midterms ramping up, there will be more crying than usual in your future. Probably because you have fallen in love with your lecturer again.
Houseplant of choice: Weeping Fig
Mar 21 - Apr 19
It’s the constant screaming, please, just stop.
House plant of choice: Epipremnum aureum aka devil’s ivy
Apr 20 - May 20
Have you been judging others recently? That’s okay, maybe take a look in the mirror next time you feel such urges.
Houseplant of choice: A big fucking tree
May 21 - Jun 20
Mid-sem break would have been a great time for some self reflection. But, you didn’t. You are still a menace.
Houseplant of choice: baby cacti
Jun 21 - July 22
The moon is your ruling planet. This means it’s sleepy time, go take a big nap.
Houseplant of choice: Maidenhair Fern
July - Aug 22
Be careful out there. If anyone is going to get arrested or fuck up Hyde street, it’ll be you.
Houseplant of choice: The dead basil you keep forgetting to water
Aug 23 - Sep 22
What’s up with virgo men? Your ego needs to be taken down a couple notches buddy.
Houseplant of choice: Aloe Vera
Sep 23 - Oct 22
This autumn season, try getting a new personality. You are in dire need of one.
Houseplant of choice: Weed
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Take that MDMA. Send a risky text. Drink yourself silly. Go and live your life my little scorpions.
Houseplant of choice: The mushroom forming in the mould on your ceiling
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Fuck bitches, get money
Houseplant of choice: Venus fly trap
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Keep being your sarcastic, pessimistic self. Someone needs to keep it real with everyone else.
Houseplant of choice: Leftover New World Little Gardens