Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Treat yourself to some self care this week. Maybe a quirky new outfit or different vape flavour. Go get 'em.  

Vegan food to try: Vape juice

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

It's time to stop creating steamy fantasies in your head about that one particularly sexy lecturer you have. Instead, do your fucking readings. 

Vegan food to try: Oat milk coffee

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

It's finally your season, baby! May God help us all as you fully unleash your fiery self upon the world. 

Vegan food to try: A bottle of hot sauce 

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

Go get a coffee and issue some books from the public library. Your intellect and desire to not have social interactions will thank you for it. 

Vegan food to try: Firm tofu, like yourself.

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

For the greater good of society, please shut the fuck up. Seriously, not everything is about you love x 

Vegan snack to try:  A single, wet french fry. 

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

Heavy rain is forecast for this week, so it's not just you for once.

Vegan snack to try:  Oreos and peanut butter. 

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

You've had a bit of a stick up your ass recently, so I suggest you take it out and loosen up.

Vegan snack to try:  Prunes (since you are so full of shit)

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Swap out your calculator for some sex toys. Seriously, you need to cum not calculate.

Vegan snack to try:  Strawberry lube 

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

Feeling a bit emotional lately? It's okay, take some time to rest. Pop on your headphones and go cry in the Botans. It happens to the best of us.

Vegan snack to try:  Your tears

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Send that risky text. Swipe vigorously on tinder. Make a move on your library crush. Venus is in Aries, it's now or never my little scorpios.

Vegan snack to try: Thai Sweet Chilli Doritos.

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Honestly, nothing interesting is going on for you. Sorry, maybe you should start admitting to yourself you're more boring than you realise.

Vegan snack of choice: Trail Mix

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Feeling greedy, money-hungry? This week has a good financial forecast, so start branching out on new business endeavours. Think drug dealing or reselling Hyde tickets.

Vegan snack of choice: Stonks