Moaningful Confessions | Like a Chainsaw

Moaningful Confessions | Like a Chainsaw

I had a lot of questions when I first came into the possession of some anal beads, courtesy of Critic for some prior raunchy content. I had delved into a bit of butt stuff before but nothing much more than a thumb up the bum or a weak and dissatisfying attempt at anal. This gift had my senses piqued and I was ready and willing to try. 

Two issues came to mind. For a start, who was I going to find to use these on me? And how did I use them? I did what any self-respecting university gal would do and messaged the group chat. The conversation went like this: 

“How does one even use anal beads, might have to search a tutorial.” 

“Like a chainsaw.” *gif of man pull-starting a chainsaw* 

“Do you just shove em in?”


Now that I knew what to do (or at least, a very rough idea based on a chainsaw gif), I set off to find the man of my anal bead dreams. Turned out he really wasn’t that hard to find, my usual Saturday booty call was pretty keen to come around and everything fell into place. 

A tongue there, a finger here and all of a sudden, I was pulling my head off his very impressive cock to ask if he’d like to try something new. When I say that his face was like a kid in a candy store, I mean it was like Augustus Gloop in Wonka’s choc factory. I pulled out this packet of anal beads and handed them to him with a “Please go easy.” 

Turns out my group chat was right, it was very much like a slow chainsaw motion. I left him to his handy work as I positioned myself to return the favor so we could both have a good time. Plus having a large dick down your throat helps with the whole not being loud for the flatmates situation. 

As I lay there in 69 with these little beads which increased in size each one up the string, I had a multitude of things going through my head. This actually felt really good, why had I spent the last 5 years having sex without these little wonders in my possession? Did I just shit myself? Oh no we good keep going big boy. Could this be something I could incorporate into me, myself, and I time? Oh, okay were going for the full string, deep breath, relax bitch, okay, yup, there we go. 

He was really into it as well, like surprisingly so, maybe what you hear about guys being obsessed with your ass is true, or maybe it was just the outrageous head I was giving him. Gotta give what you take ya know… 

Overall the anal bead experience was probably an 8/10. Highly enjoyable, and yes it does feel like you’re lowkey shitting yourself but once you get past that, it’s pretty satisfying. Give that toy a go you never thought you would, chances are you won’t regret it. 

This article first appeared in Issue 10, 2021.
Posted 4:21pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Critic.