Fuck, I Canít Cook!

Fuck, I Canít Cook!

For days when you truly can’t be fucked and existing beyond the bedroom seems like a tiresome feat, the only thing that helps is a bowl of carbohydrates coated in garlicky oil that takes minutes to make.


You could add vegetables if you like, but as my wise mother always says, “why ruin a good meal with vegetables”.


Spaghetti Aglio e Olio


Serves 3


1 small bulb of garlic (around 7 cloves)

350g spaghetti

1/3 cup olive oil

Chilli flakes, to taste

Zest of 1 lemon

Juice of 1 lemon

A large handful of fresh parsley, roughly chopped

Parmesan cheese, optional

Salt and pepper


1)     Peel and finely slice garlic. Set aside.

2)     Bring a large pot of water to the boil. Add a generous spoonful of salt.

3)     Add your pasta and cook until very al dente. It should be a little chewier and more undercooked than you would like.

4)     Meanwhile, add the olive oil and garlic to a large saucepan. Turn the heat on to medium. Allow the oil to slowly heat up and let the garlic start to fry. Cook until the garlic is golden.

5)     Turn the heat right down to low and stir through chilli flakes.

6)     Before draining your pasta, reserve a large cup of the starchy cooking water. We will use some of this to make the sauce.

7)     Tip the drained pasta into the saucepan with the garlic and chilli oil. Add the lemon juice, lemon zest, parsley, and a small splash of the cooking water (not the whole cup!). Use tongs to toss and stir the pasta. If the pasta is looking dry, add a splash of cooking water and continue to add water and stir until you are happy with the sauce. Continue to stir and cook on a low heat until the pasta is al dente or cooked to your liking. This should only take a minute or two.

8)     Taste the pasta, and add parmesan. Salt and pepper to taste.


Best Coffee (for when you ceebs but have to do something):

Allpress: 5/5. Flawless. Hot, delicious coffee that isn’t bitter, gives you a buzz and is close to uni. 

Buster Greens: 4/5. They serve a strong boy, not going to lie. But it does this trick and its delicious. I also appreciate that their coffee is hot, not lukewarm.

Kind Grocer: 4/5. Their coconut milk mochas are insane. They’re rich and served in a larger mug which I appreciate.

Catalyst: 3.5/5. Lovely ambience, respectable coffee. Slightly out of the way of uni, but good none the less.

Market Kitchen: 3/5. A little watery, but a very nice ambiance and location.

Dispensary: 2/5. Coffee is often cold and bitter, and there simply are nicer options out there. Plus, there is no toilet (correct me if I am wrong) which I passionately dislike.

Albany Café: 1/5. Good hot chocolate, disastrous coffee which I only drink if I am having a exam induced psychological breakdown. Anything before this point and I restrain.

Veggie Boys Coffee: 3.8/5. Not the best, but certainly and considerably the cheapest. A go to.

This article first appeared in Issue 5, 2021.
Posted 6:15pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Alice Taylor.