Moaningful Confessions | Double Dipping

Moaningful Confessions | Double Dipping

Back in the innocent days of my youth (i.e. early 2020, before the world went to shit) I decided that I was going to spend my year overseas. However, I had one last conquest to tick off before I did so. Under the ruse of coming back to see my friends for one last hoorah, I arrived in Dunedin with a steely resolve: I was going to get laid. 

So skip ahead a few hours and things were going well, I was fucked out of my mind at my goodbye party and setting my sights on my cute friend who I’d had a thing for ever since he grew out a mo and stopped washing his hair (every girl’s wet dream). Sadly, disaster struck at the eleventh hour when I went to the bathroom to find a couple of red specks on my underwear. 

Of all times, shark week had to come now? 

I shoved in a tampon and thought nothing more of it. Sadly, my friend went home and my dreams of a trip to bonetown are dashed. That is, until I got a snapchat with the classic ‘come over and listen to Kanye’. I was there faster than campus shop sells out of mince and cheese pies and before you know it, things are getting hot and heavy. To be honest, I don’t remember much of that night. Did he have a big dick? Did he make me cum? In the morning, I said an awkward hi to his flatmates and disappeared, happy at having achieved my goal. 

Fast forward to a day later. I’m in Singapore airport when I start to feel a strange sensation downstairs. I run to the bathroom, with about ten minutes until I have to catch my next flight. After pulling out the tampon I put in that morning, I discover what’s happened. 

I still have the tampon from two days ago stuck inside me. 

It takes me what feels like years to fish around enough to get this bugger out. I feel like I’m in a haystack, reaching blindly around for the needle. Or that I’ve just dropped my ring into a vat of cake mix and am desperately trying to rescue it. You get the picture. Anyway, I finally successfully perform the excavation and make my flight. 

To this day, I have no idea how the sex worked logistically. How did I not realize I had a tampon in while this guys dick was inside me? Surely it can’t be that small? And how did I put another one in the next morning, blissfully unaware I was double-dipping? My vagina must be a freaking cave. 

The best part is that after I came back to uni I’m still friends with this guy. I still don’t know whether he knows that he fucked a girl while she had a tampon in.  

Although I have a little PTSD, I surprisingly never got TSS. Go figure.

This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2021.
Posted 1:03am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic.