In what can only be described as a total rejection of science, NZ Beef and Lamb have started claiming that eating beef helps the planet.
“Whenever you eat a nice juicy steak, you’re helping to rid the world of one methane-emitting cow,” said Ethan Methan, the PR spokesperson for NZ Beef and Lamb. The Tribune interviewed him at lunch, as he ate a blue steak, the blood dripping down his chin.
“They fart, and the planet warms up. Eating a cow stops them from farting, no doubt about it.”
“Just think about it,” he continued, taking a sip of his beer and wiping the blood from his chin with the tablecloth. “How can killing cows be bad for the environment?”
Making a throat slitting motion, he got up out of his seat. “FUCK THE COWS,” he yelled. “All they do is stand around eat grass and moo. I will not rest until they are all dead.”
Another beef farmer who spoke to the Tribune said that Ethan Methan was “a bit strange” but has “some creative PR ideas for the meat community”.