Woodstock Bourbon and Cola Raspberry Edition

Woodstock Bourbon and Cola Raspberry Edition

Woodstock Raspberry tastes like if a Liquorice Allsort and a rat had a kid. It tastes like a raspberry bun except instead of filling it with jam, they filled with regurgitated Billy Mavs. It tastes like a Razor Scooter to the ankle. It tastes like binge drinking on a dark field when you’re 16. It tastes like the karma you get for stealing other people's drinks at parties. 

I consumed Woodstock Bourbon and Cola Raspberry Edition pre-pint night as usual. There is something special about drinking on a Wednesday, it makes your whole week feel much cruisier. However, this drink came very close to ruining my night. It leaves this vile after-taste which makes your entire mouth feel nasty, like you’ve been sucking on a lollipop someone stuck up their bum. It creates a vicious cycle, where you keep drinking it to wash the taste out of your mouth, which ends up making it worse. Pint night was excellent. I ended up laughing hysterically at shit jokes and fighting with my flatmates at two in the morning, but I do not attribute this good time to the Woodstocks.

The taste of Woodstock Raspberry is difficult to describe. The raspberry flavour does not disguise the taste of shit bourbon at all. If anything it amplifies it. I do not know why they decided to do this. I can’t believe that someone actually tried to create this drink. They probably had a panel of people developing them, all trying to outdo themselves to get the most ridiculous flavours approved as an inside joke. Apparently this is a limited edition drink sold in collaboration with 7 Days but I think it will take more than an outdated TV show to get this scum off the shelves.

The value is also shit. They come in boxes of 12 x 330 mL 7% cans for $24.99. That puts them at $1.49 per standard which is just adding insult to injury at this point. These are among the worst value RTDs you can buy.

Woodstock Raspberries are a stunning monument to what can happen when you let a marketing team have too much influence on an organisation. Raspberry Woodstock may sound like an interesting twist on paper, but in practice it is an abomination. Again, I find myself wondering how such a drink ever got approved by people that create drinks for a living. 


Tastes like: Garbage, the liquid at the bottom of a McDonald’s drink machine

Froth level: Accidentally calling your teacher mum

Pairs well with: Acne, self-loathing

Taste rating: 1/10, God Fucking Awful

This article first appeared in Issue 11, 2021.
Posted 5:10pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Chug Norris.