Archive

Booze review: Byron Bay Brewery Piña Colada Sparkling Cocktail

Posted 3:56pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

RTDs are like your friend's untrained dog: fun to play with at first, but with the potential to leave a child face down on the asphalt. Being little more than over-championed sugar water, RTDs have incurred a tenfold amount of bad karma than they have good. On the cosmic scales of justice, Read more...

How Should You Come Out?

Posted 3:44pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Arlo Hill

You’ve done some soul-searching and made some realisations about yourself, and now you’re ready to tell the world. Congratulations! All that’s left is to decide how to do it. While we can’t ascertain what you’re coming out with, we can tell you the best way for you to Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 4

Posted 3:05pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 While it’s in your nature to be blunt and direct, sometimes this can come off as a little mean. It’s important to remember how you speak to people. It may be hard to believe, but sometimes others actually do have feelings. Location to visit: St Clair Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Cherry cherry boom boom

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Critic

I remember it as if it was yesterday. New Year’s Eve was in the air, and my hunger for an intimate partner for the night was in full swing. I was talking to this girl at the time, and we thought New Year’s would be the primo opportunity to finally do it. As she Read more...

Chargrills: Corn Frittazzzzz

Posted 2:47pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

The last three recipes have had heaps of ingredients, so here's one with just five must-add ingredients. It's corn. In saying that, maize well load ‘em up with sour cream and/or sweet chilli if you've got any. Corn’t go wrong with a few greens on the side. Read more...

Editorial: The Silence of the Sulphur-Crested Cockatoos

Posted 2:42pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

I cannot stress how much interviewing Sid (page 20) felt like interviewing Hannibal Lector. We started off in the aviary’s kitchen, getting a safety debrief. We were told that this individual was highly intelligent, that he has a history with visitors, and not to let him get too Read more...

Booze Review: Part Time Rangers

Posted 2:23pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Part Time Rangers provide aid to at-risk animals worldwide, donating 10% from every can to various charities. They are yet to help out the orangutan addicted to heroin in my basement. The gimmick is that each box has a nice animal on it, and depending on the box you buy, you will be Read more...

In the Eyes of the Beholder: Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 2:18pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

Callout: This column is supported by DPAG, but they have no influence on the reviews Every week, we send two writers to an art exhibit in Ōtepoti Dunedin. One of them will choose a specific piece, and describe it to the other without them looking. They’ll try to figure out Read more...

Local Produce: Yours: Your Place for Coffee and Anarchy

Posted 2:06pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Zak Rudin

Yours, a workers co-op, cafe and creative hangout space, opened late last year on 43 Moray Place. Being anarchist and all, Yours does not place too much of an emphasis on financial quantitative transactions, instead opting for manaakitanga and relationship-building. Critic Te Ārohi sat down Read more...

Which Instant Noodle Are You?

Posted 2:14pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

You’re on campus and need a caffeine hit. Where are you getting it from? Cafe Albany I stopped in at my favourite coffee spot on the way in Can of Boss coffee from campus shop No matter where I am, I’ll be trekking it to Bagelo’s How is Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Brother-in-law gets fucked hard (by the law)

Posted 1:58pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Critic

Is this sex related? No. At least not in a good way. But since I can’t afford therapy, winning a free sex toy from Critic for this story is as close as I’ll get. The story begins back in October when I started receiving TikToks from my mates back home of a girl saying her Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 3

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Do something cute for yourself this week. It’s time for some much needed self-care. Get a fancy coffee or a sweet treat. Buy yourself something you definitely don’t need. You deserve it! Drink for the week: Dirty Read more...

Chargrills: Meatballs and tzatziki

Posted 1:46pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Everyone loves a meaty ball, so birdbath this shit. Get out of the spa-ghetto and try meatballs without tomato sauce and with tzatziki instead. This is good tucka. MEATBALL INGREDIENTS: BASE 2 cups rice (or your choice of grain) 3 tbsp Read more...

Editorial: Give Me Burrito or Give Me Death

Posted 1:20pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

Pretty much every culture in the world has independently invented the same four things: bladed weapons, fermentation, pigments, and a way to wrap dough around food. I’m talking sandwiches. I’m talking kebabs, calzones, dumplings, gyros, and, of course, burritos. And it warms Read more...

Crate Review: Waikato Draught

Posted 1:13pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

As a Jaf-ugee, Crate Day always leaves me in a bit of a conundrum. On the one hand, I can try and claim Speights as my crate of origin, but I know deep in my heart I’m no Southern man. On the other hand, Lion Red is fucking disgusting. However, this year, I was saved the agonizing choice by my Read more...

Local Produce: What Does My Landlord Own?

Posted 12:50pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Zak Rudin

“What Does My Landlord Own?” is a website that allows users to enter an address and see other properties tied to that owner. The website was launched early this year by an anonymous team known as “sunset_flowers” determined to “help address the vast inequalities present Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: The threesome that was never meant to be

Posted 2:43pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Critic

It started off as any good sexual encounter would: we had all been drinking for three days straight and were feeling somewhere between delirium and death. I had been talking to one co-worker named Jimmy (not his real name) and feeling a bit promiscuous. We had spent the last few days Read more...

Local Produce: Pedals Dunedin

Posted 2:38pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

This week, Critic Te Ārohi caught up with our favourite biker gang: Pedals Dunedin. Pedals is Ōtepoti’s first and only bike courier service and easily the most friendly, in both the eco and literal sense. The Pedals team consists of Liam Harrison and Ashley Read more...

Chargrills: Thai Orange Chicken

Posted 2:30pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Pissed about the price of prawns? Give this chicken a crack. If this recipe was a famous person it would be Jonah Hill on 21 Jump Street. We’re talking missionary. We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back. Good staple to start off with, but couldn't do it every time. Read more...

Editorial: Hide yo bongs, hide yo wife

Posted 2:14pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

Bongs get stolen all the time. While this is objectively pretty funny, it highlights a particular problem created by the fact that weed is still illegal in this country. Set aside for a moment any problems you may have with the institution of law enforcement - a big ask, I know. But let’s Read more...

Booze Review: Billy Mav

Posted 2:08pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Behind every jovial flat party, every electric scooter thrown through a glass window, and every deck that spews DnB onto the street...is Billy Maverick. He is the lifeblood of North Dunedin. If the Leith were to ever dry up, it would be replaced with bourbon and cola. Billy Mavs come exclusively Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 2

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to be more intentional with your relationships. Sometimes you have a tendency to space out and miss life’s important moments. Be sure to work on this, as you have plenty of love to give. Bad habit to break: Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 1:16pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

This column is supported by DPAG, but they have no influence on the reviews Every week, we send two writers to an art exhibit in Ōtepoti Dunedin. One of them will choose a specific piece, and describe it to the other without them looking. They’ll try to figure out what the Read more...

Local Produce: [Allophones]

Posted 7:44pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

The Allophones are Barney, Ben, and Tane. Barney and Ben are also siblings. “Allophones” are also a group of sounds that a certain combination of letters can make (linguistics students, please don’t come for me). You could also say an “allophone” is a singular member of Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 1

Posted 7:35pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 The stars are aligning for you! This year the universe is moving into Aquarius, you lucky ducks. Be prepared for some freaky shit to happen from March till June xx New Year’s Resolution: Make the most out of every moment. Pisces Feb 19 - Mar Read more...

Editorial: I am once again asking for a student bar

Posted 6:53pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Fox Meyer

This debate has been raging for a while, but let me get you up to speed. Dunedin lost its last student bar two years ago (RIP Starters). Previous bars had closed because they weren’t profitable or because they were bought out - sometimes by the Uni, sometimes not. Split hairs over that all you Read more...

Chargrills | Prawn rice noodle salad

Posted 6:35pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

This salad is out the gate and super shrimple. Mean option for a hot Dunners day and isn't heavy on the tummy. Crack in! INGREDIENTS: 300g prawns ($8.80 at Pakkies) Dried basil Mixed herbs Oil A packet of rice noodles A telegraph cuc 2 XL carrots One capsicum An Read more...

Booze Review | BRB Haze of our Lives

Posted 6:16pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

The rumble of student shitboxes returning to Otago; freshers and breathers sinking piss hand over fist; littered streets strewn with eggshells. Nature is healing. These scenes are nothing uncommon for the students of North D, as they gear up for their Flo and O Weeks. Fourteen days of Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Tap and Gap ASAP

Posted 5:38pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Critic

It was the Saturday of Re-O and, after a week of pouring rain and a lack of alcohol consumed, I knew tonight was the night I needed to send it. So, obviously the only way to do this was to down as many vodka shots as physically possible. I’m not going to lie, I truly did this to the best of my Read more...

Fresher Simulator: O-Week

Posted 5:26pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Lotto Ramsay

1. Welcome (Start here) You’re a fresher (our condolences) arriving at Dunedin airport for the first time ever. You marvel at all the butt-fuck-nowhere around you. Off to collect your luggage! Where did you fly in from, again? A: Auckland (Go to 11) B: Somewhere else (Go to Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Dick munter

Posted 8:18pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by Critic

Dunedin is great, but if the ‘Dunedin Experience’ involves, as he described it “the worst sex story I can think of” I’m not sure the wonderful student experience is worth it. For context, I wasn’t sure we would have sex again after a couple weeks of Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 26

Posted 8:15pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Forever young is good in theory, but some of us have to live with you. Take some responsibility for how you behave and watch good things come to you. Also, clean your kitchen. Put on your summer to-do list: Keep a list of every beach you Read more...

Booze Review | Budweiser is Unpatriotic

Posted 8:10pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by Chug Norris

Every country in the world has a national beer. Australia has VB, New Zealand has, for some fucking reason, Tui, and Budweiser is known first and foremost as the national beer of the trainwreck of a country that calls itself the United States. But something seems wrong about Budweiser representing Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 8:06pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Ben. We got last issue’s correct, Jeff was in Auckland, specifically Queens wharf, looking at that art place. First thoughts: It feels like this photo was taken in Aotearoa due to the trees but there’s also trains, so. We’ll Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

Editorial: It’s initiation season

Posted 6:21pm Sunday 9th October 2022 by Fox Meyer

I’ve been to two universities in the States, both of them had Greek life. Neither was as problematic as Dunedin’s initiation scene. Stop celebrating, that’s not a good thing. One thing that you can celebrate (I guess) is that Kiwis would absolutely destroy American frat Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Signal Hole

Posted 5:24pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Critic

My partner and I were both the first people in our respective flats to get Covid. Because of this, it meant that once we were done with our isolation and our flatmates got Covid, we didn’t have to isolate, so we were able to see each other after their iso had ended. Being able to see them was Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 25

Posted 5:22pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Should you go out tonight? Yes. Yes you should. Go and buy yourself an aviation cocktail and be sexy and mysterious somewhere. The stars say so. Movie you should revisit: Kill Bill Vol. I. Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Don’t settle for being Read more...

Booze Review | Pure Blonde tastes like giving up

Posted 5:17pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Chug Norris

Pure Blonde Ultra Low Carb Lager is the type of beer that you drink when you are tired of life. When the joy that you used to receive from simple things like a cold beer has faded into the monotony of the semi-alcoholism of suburban BBQ culture. But there is also something deeper. You buy a Read more...

Skuxx Food | Rice Paper Dumplings

Posted 5:15pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Ideal for when you want something fried but also haven’t eaten a vegetable in a while. Makes 5-6 (1-2 servings) Ingredients: 150 grams (ish) mushrooms, finely diced 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 thumb of ginger, finely grated ⅛ green cabbage, finely Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 5:09pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

Local Produce: BO And the Constrictors

Posted 5:05pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Jamiema Lorimer

If you’re a breatha and spend your Thursday through Saturday nights at Dunedin Social Club, then you’re probably already familiar with BO And the Constrictors, who describe their sound as “modern vintage pop rock.” Hot off the release of their EP ‘Love’, Critic Read more...

How American Gun Culture Suppressed the Greatest Rock Anthem of our Lifetimes

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 2nd October 2022 by Fox Meyer

But it wasn’t well received in the States. Lots of radio stations refused to play it, because there’s a line that says “her boyfriend’s a dick, he brings a gun to school”. It was released on the one year anniversary of the Columbine massacre, and people did not want to Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Chemical Warfare

Posted 2:16pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Critic

Being Dunedin’s premier gay, I started my night by browsing my way through Tinder's flawless feed. Dodging the constant barrage of poor attempts at sexual ice breakers, I came face to face with the most handsome breather one could ever set their eyes on. His beautiful, sharp, chiselled jaw Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 24

Posted 2:15pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 To all my Aquarius baddies, your love life is set to intensify so get ready! May your life be filled with love, lust and liquor. Check off the to do list: Vote in local elections. Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Sometimes, people can make you Read more...

Booze Review | Country Medium White Wine is a most exquisite vintage

Posted 2:09pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Chug Norris

Goon has a reputation as a low tier, last-resort type of potation. But while this scurrilous reputation may hold true for pretentious European attempts at goon (see Chasseur), the New Zealand-made Country Medium White Wine is a cardboardeaux that excels and excites in taste, mouthfeel and, most of Read more...

Skuxx Food | Lemonade

Posted 2:07pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

The ultimate dust buster. Easy enough to make with only one brain cell. If you didn’t already know how to make lemonade, well, now you do. Vodka optional. Ingredients: Juice of 3 lemons ½ cup sugar 3 cups water 10 ice cubes Method: Add all Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 2:06pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Jeff. We got last week’s correct, Ellie was at Prospect Point, Vancouver. First thoughts: Looks like this photo was taken next to a populous harbour judging by the cargo ship in the background, possibly New Zealand? Analysing the size, shape Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 1:59pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

It’s Our Fault

Posted 1:20pm Saturday 24th September 2022 by Fox Meyer

It’s fun writing about the Alpine Fault now because at some point in our lifetime it’s going to be all anyone is talking about. It feels like writing about the Christchurch earthquakes before they actually happened, or writing about how easy it would be to block the Suez Canal before the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Too spicy

Posted 9:17pm Sunday 18th September 2022 by Critic

So, we met on Tinder, as it goes. She was something pretty special, so after a few dates I decided to show off my skills in the kitchen with a candlelit dinner. I wanted to blow her (away) so I made the most creamy and decadent mushroom risotto a girl could ask for. I even got oyster mushrooms and Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 23

Posted 9:11pm Sunday 18th September 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Aquarius, you should be proud of the progress you have made this year. Your journey of inner peace and comfort has been a great success, and you should give yourself a pat on the back for this. Crime to investigate: Which flatmate stole your Read more...

The RTDs are coming for you and your loved ones

Posted 8:54pm Sunday 18th September 2022 by Chug Norris

Absolut Lime and Soda beats the record for the most generic RTD ever produced, but it is not alone. RTDs are multiplying at an alarming rate. Wine and beer now cower in the corners of liquor store fridges as piles of multi-coloured boxes with generic names like Grins, Larry, Dave, and Brins spread Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 8:47pm Sunday 18th September 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have a photo sent to us by Ellie. We got last week’s correct, Fox was indeed in Bryant Park on the 4th of December, 2019, hitting P.K. Subban in the nuts with a hockey puck. Shot, Fox. First thoughts: I see people, ships, a trail… Looks like Seattle or Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 8:42pm Sunday 18th September 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

Oh no please don’t stage a coup haha

Posted 7:20pm Sunday 18th September 2022 by Fox Meyer

Student politics are woefully exploitable. This week, there were meant to be six pages of profiles for the upcoming OUSA election, but they were cancelled literally the day before print because nobody had signed up to run for the positions. Yikes. That meant we had to fill six pages of content, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Tree hugger, butt fugger

Posted 7:14pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Critic

To preface, none of this was actually *meant* to happen, but here goes. So, this friend of a friend added me on Snapchat. Nothing major. I thought it was just a friendly thing – he ended up asking me to hook him up with some herbs, and we talked about that for a bit. Fast forward to Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 22

Posted 7:11pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 You need to understand boundaries and really assess your importance in some people's lives. You tend to overstep and while you may mean well, it can come off as inappropriate to others. Goal for the week: hitting all your steps. Pisces Feb Read more...

Booze Review | Cody’s Bourbon and Cola is Criminally underrated.

Posted 7:01pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Chug Norris

Cody’s has many negative associations, several of which are fair. As previous booze reviews have mentioned, it is the drink of choice of 12 year-olds at skate parks throughout the country. For many, the drink is reminiscent of alcohol-fueled injuries and social decay. But these prejudiced Read more...

Skuxx Food | Tandoori Chicken Flatbreads

Posted 6:57pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

If you miss the naanwich truck on campus, here’s something to fill that void. Serves 5 (2 each) Ingredients: 10 flatbreads/naan/wraps A few handfuls of baby spinach A bunch of coriander to garnish, optional Pickled onion: 1 red onion, thinly Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 6:54pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Fox. We got last week’s correct, Trish was in Lusthusportens park, Stockholm. First thoughts: Clearly a populous city, maybe some sort of event taking place around Christmas. Looks quite American. It’s clearly Christmas, and Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 6:50pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

Editorial: Embracing Indigenous Knowledge is the only way to get ourselves out of this mess

Posted 5:23pm Sunday 11th September 2022 by Annabelle Parata Vaughan (Ngāi Tahu)

Over the past 20 years, Aotearoa has made a more conscious effort to embrace te reo, tikanga and mātauranga Māori. Other parts of Aotearoa have made a conscious effort to double down on their racism, and drag the rest of us down with them. We’ve seen a revitalisation in the use of Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Ted’s Bundy

Posted 8:40pm Saturday 3rd September 2022 by Critic

Being a broke Uni student, everyone does things to earn a little extra cash. For me, it was selling my body. A man, who we shall call Dave, who I’ve done a few things for, asked me one fateful evening if I could join in for a threesome. I kindly declined. However, I don’t think he got Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 21

Posted 8:38pm Saturday 3rd September 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Sometimes, your airheaded ways can cause you to drift off, leaving you un-present during conversations. Work on this and learn how to live in the moment, as this time of life is often so fleeting. Hangover cure: more shots. Pisces Feb 19 Read more...

Booze Review | Steinlager Pure makes an embarrassment of Steinlager Classic

Posted 8:33pm Saturday 3rd September 2022 by Chug Norris

Steinlager Pure is like the younger sibling that outshines their elder in every way. Despite the marketing for both drinks being so similar that even experienced piss fiends would confuse them, the Pure version of Steinlager is infinitely better than its Classic cousin. But the quality of Pure also Read more...

Skuxx Food | Chicken and Chorizo Paella

Posted 8:30pm Saturday 3rd September 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

If you’re feeling it, swap the chicken for prawns – this is more traditional and very skuxx. Simply add them during the last 5 minutes of cooking. I also like to chuck a seasonal green in there for #health, silverbeet or spinach works well! Serves 5 Ingredients: Olive Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 8:27pm Saturday 3rd September 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Trish. We got last issue’s submission correct: Chris was in section 266 of Capital One Arena, for the Roger Waters gig in Washington, D.C. We guessed just one level up, but the same section. First Thoughts: It’s gloomy, it’s dreary, Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 8:24pm Saturday 3rd September 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

Every week, we send two writers to an art exhibit in Ōtepoti Dunedin. One of them will choose a specific piece, and describe it to the other without them looking. They’ll try to figure out what the piece actually is before diving into their thoughts on the entire exhibition. You Read more...

These “Freedom of Speech” Protests Remind me a lot of Woodstock ’99

Posted 6:26pm Friday 2nd September 2022 by Fox Meyer

It was 1999: the leather was low-cut, the tensions were high, and the dreadlocks were very, very white. The original Woodstock co-founder decided to throw another event to promote “peace and love”, which ended in a fiery riot. The first red flag was that he decided to host the hippie Read more...

Moaningful_Confessions.txt | Robot rendezvous

Posted 5:29pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Critic

I had the most amazing rendezvous last night. I was out at the bar with a few friends when I spotted him across the room. He was tall, dark, and handsome, and I couldn't help but stare. I could tell he was interested too, because he kept making eye contact with me. After a couple of drinks, I Read more...

Roboscopes: Week 20

Posted 5:25pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Critic

We used an AI to generate these, but ran out of our free trial halfway through. You can see where we switched to a shittier free one. Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Once you've put yourself in the right frame of mind, you'll be ready to start flirting up a storm. Whether Read more...

Booze Review | Bavaria Dark 8.6ers are an atrocious drink, but at least they’re not a rip off

Posted 5:18pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Chug Norris

Some of the best things in life are free, but some of the worst things in life come in at 0.95 dollars per standard. It must be said: massive respect to Bavaria for being one of the few drinks other than goon that can consistently deliver golden ratio prices, but it has to be asked: is the misery Read more...

AI Food | Raspberry Pie

Posted 5:14pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Alan Turing

Disclaimer: This was written by an AI. We have no idea if it’ll work. If you end up trying it out, let us know how it goes. This raspberry pie recipe is so simple and delicious, and it comes with a heart-warming story about how I used to hate raspberry pie but came to love it. When I was Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 5:09pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Chris. We got last week’s submission correct, thanks to a last-minute bit of sleuthing by one of our reporters. Arlo was standing on Conwy Castle, in Llandudno Junction, Wales. First thoughts: Looks like the Hajj, but obviously not. Okay, stadium, Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 5:07pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

AI is more – and less – scary than you think

Posted 2:50pm Friday 19th August 2022 by Fox Meyer

In this issue, every piece of art was initially designed by an AI. We used DALL·E 2 and Midjourney to create concept art, and then had our artists go back over that art to stylise it. If we learned anything from that process, it’s that AI won’t be replacing artists any time soon. Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | TRUE STORY! Nice Guy Gentleman Gets Laid! NOT CRINGE AT ALL!

Posted 3:18pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Critic

Once upon a summer's day, a beautiful princess was finishing her last exam. Her (not really) prince charming was waiting outside the exam room with a cup of tea, a packed lunch and his noble steed (Toyota people-mover with amazing fuel economy). It had been a couple of lonely days with the exam Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 19

Posted 3:15pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Aquarius, you’ve been working hard, and getting your priorities in check. You are on the cusp of a new phase of your life. Keep taking the right steps forward, and keep your eyes on the prize. Healthy coping mechanism to try: making your coffee at Read more...

Booze Review | Scapegrace Pomegranate & Doris Plum is a Pretentious Money-Grab

Posted 3:09pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Chug Norris

There is only one way a person could come to buy Scapegrace’s Pomegranate and Doris Plum RTDs: fresh from an exhausting day of abusing retail workers and making disapproving noises about the homeless, your average Scapegrace consumer is in much need of refreshment. Getting home and realising Read more...

Skuxx Food | 4-ingredient pesto pasta

Posted 3:07pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Eat this hot or cold, lunch or dinner, drunk or sober. So versatile! Ingredients: 500 grams of pasta: if you’re making this as a salad, use short pasta, if eating hot, go long Around 200 grams of pesto A bag of spinach, roughly chopped Around 200 grams of Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 3:05pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Arlo. We got last week’s submission bang on, Jeremy was on the corner of Trgovke and Sarači in Sarajevo. First Thoughts: Right off the bat I’m going to guess somewhere near the UK. That’s a big area, and honestly, I’m Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders | Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 3:03pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Esmond Paterson and Maddie Fenn

You Don’t Have to be This Poor

Posted 1:23pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Fox Meyer

I’m going to make this exceptionally clear: you are not poor because you’ve made poor life choices. You are poor because there’s a student poverty crisis. It’s not like you enjoy it, right? Do you enjoy being in one of the most impoverished communities in Aotearoa? Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Togal Catastrophe

Posted 8:08pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Critic

It was my first year at Otago Uni. I was freshly 18, still a virgin and O-week was coming up. I decided to go to toga with a couple of people I’d met that day. After more than a couple drinks, some shitty dancing and moving our way up in the crowd, I looked around only to realise I recognised Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Mommy Milk

Posted 8:07pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Critic

So, pretty soon after I had broken up with my boyfriend, I decided to have a little hoe phase and met up with this guy. He was quite strange but he picked me up and we ended up going to a hotel (I have never felt more like a hooker in my life). For some reason he put on the Minion Movie and we Read more...

Donate Now: Save the rare Purple Goanna

Posted 8:05pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Chug Norris

It is difficult to review RTDs because they are all so generic. Unlike beer, they don’t have a certain type of person culturally associated with the drink; unlike spirits, they don’t have a unique or surprising new way of getting people wasted. RTDs are made for the lowest common Read more...

Skuxx Food | 10-minute Garlic Chilli Oil Noodles

Posted 8:03pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

If you’re like me and your algorithm is purely food videos, chances are you will have seen this recipe on TikTok. Here’s my take on garlic chilli oil noodles. The perfect recipe to whip up for lunch, as it literally only takes 10 minutes. Serves Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 18

Posted 8:01pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Feeling depressed? Yeah, aren’t we all. Take some self-care time this week, and really reflect on your emotional wellbeing and relationships. Holiday to book: Bali. Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Pisces have such an interesting way of Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 7:52pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week we have an image supplied by Jeremy. We were spot on with last week’s location, though it required an extraordinary stroke of luck; A was at the former site of Pizzahub, in Melbourne. First Thoughts: This looks very Eastern European: everything from the roofing to the hookah Read more...

Editorial: I went to the US and it was a fucking shambles

Posted 6:52pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Fox Meyer

I got to go home to the States for the first time since Covid broke out. And lemme tell ya, things are not going well. Nothing summed up the trip better than a lady in Des Moines, Iowa, who told me how the election was stolen and then followed it up with “oh but I love New Zealand, the Swiss Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Indecent Exposure

Posted 4:53pm Sunday 31st July 2022 by Critic

It’s a Saturday in Dunedin. But this isn’t a story of a Saturday night where you go to a flat and get super wasted while eyeing up the person you want to end up fucking later. No, this story is different. It was the middle of the day – 12:34pm to be precise. I was working my shitty Read more...

Booze Review | Major Major Blended Kentucky Bourbon

Posted 4:49pm Sunday 31st July 2022 by Chug Norris

Let’s be honest, it really doesn’t take a lot of effort to make people buy alcohol in NZ. Major Major’s Blended Kentucky Bourbon drink is not a particularly innovative move by Asahi. They’ve just bought a bottle of bourbon and watered it down with some lemon soda. But Read more...

Skuxx Food | Pumpkin, spinach, chickpea curry

Posted 4:47pm Sunday 31st July 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

I’m sorry for neglecting the vegans for so long: make this meal 100% animal friendly by swapping the butter for oil, the cream for coconut cream and using vegetable stock. Serves 5 Ingredients: ⅓ of a pumpkin, cut into 3cm cubes Salt and pepper 25 grams Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 17

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 31st July 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 NO, don’t order that UberEats! Get the fuck up and do your grocery shopping. And buy some kiwifruit while you’re there. When was the last time you took a shit that wasn’t pebbles? Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Make the flat a Sunday Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 31st July 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by “A”. We nailed last week’s submission; Jeff was at the Three Sixty bar at the Hilton, St. Louis, Missouri. First thoughts: Looks like Aotearoa to me. I can see a railway crossing in the back, too. So it’s probably a Read more...

Editorial: Make Otago more like Vegas

Posted 1:03pm Sunday 31st July 2022 by Fox Meyer

Local elections are coming up, and I think we need to stack the regional council with people like the ones that run Vegas. In the mag this week, Elliot’s written an excellent piece about the Otago Regional Council (ORC) and their management of a major river in Otago. It’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Mr. Squirt, Mr. Peanut Butter

Posted 6:36pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Critic

It was your average Saturday night on Re-O week, I'd finished up at Castle and figured it was time to pull. I had just seen the guy that ghosted me pull another bird and I needed to crack on. With perfect timing, I got a Snapchat from a Tinder guy who I had been talking with a little. I thought, Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 6:35pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week we have an image supplied by Jeff. We were spot on with last week’s location, but it cost us our dignity. Fraser was looking at Larry the Lobster in Kingston SE, by Adelaide. First Thoughts: Budweiser stadium, we’re in the States for sure. Is there a Budweiser stadium? Read more...

Booze Review | Guinness

Posted 6:33pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Chug Norris

Ireland may have shown themselves to be a superior rugby force in recent weeks, but at least our national beverage doesn’t taste like watery-piss vegemite. Guinness is the most overrated trash that has ever been produced on a large scale. Its popularity in Ireland is all the more unusual Read more...

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