I’m going to have to keep this kinda vague because I’m scared that someone will burn my house down, but here goes. A few months ago, I was enrolled in this course. I was living in the town, and was surrounded by people from all over. It was a great time, I learned heaps, and although I didn’t get a job out of it (still salty) I gained something perhaps more valuable: my first major criminal run-in.
See, while I was up there, I had a bit of a fling with this chick whose name I shall not be naming. She was a bit bonkers, I could tell from minute one, in that classic sort of hippie way where they’re so far left-leaning that they almost loop all the way back around into facism. You know the kind. Anyway, I was hanging out with her and tolerating her somewhat crazy theories because she was great fun, at the end of the day, and I needed a friend.
One night, we went back to her van. We smoked so much weed that the entire inside was cloudy, and not to put too fine a point on it, the deed was most certainly done. The inside of the van smelled dusty, sage-y, body-odourous and undeniably like weed. It was a great time, and we stayed friends for a bit, even though she would often talk about this other mate of hers. I didn’t make too much of it.
Then, when the vax mandates landed, she lost it. She went on this total tirade and dropped the course, and when I messaged her to say I hoped we could still hang despite the mandate and her refusal to get vaxxed, she blocked me on every single platform I was active on. Oh well. That was the last I heard of her, for a long, long time.
Then, last week, a group I was in chat started popping off. I saw all these messages coming in at once, in response to the news that – get this – name suppression had been lifted on a suspect (and her male friend, who sounded very familiar) in a high-profile arson case. I knew who it was going to be before I clicked the link, but sure enough, when I did, I was face-to-face with my old flame, watching her clash with police.
So, here I am, months out of that van, reminiscing on what could’ve been a nice Bonnie and Clyde type arrangement, save for the fact that I reckon she’s a bit off the rails. But either way, this means that I am one carnal step removed from one of the most high-profile crimes of the year, which is kinda cool. I feel bad for her and hope she gets some help and all that, but I can’t say I’m shocked. I just wish that after everything I did in the course, I’d gotten a job. Guess I was the one who got fucked, after all.