Horoscopes: Week 12

Horoscopes: Week 12


Jan 20 - Feb 18

Pencil some quality time into your schedule, Aquarians. You deserve to do something fun, wholesome and happy this week. 

Snack craving: Twisties.



Feb 19 - Mar 20

Things have been emotionally heavy for you these past few weeks, but brighter days are on the horizon. You are finally stepping into who you are meant to be as a person, and have many opportunities awaiting. Go you! 

Snack craving: lemon iced tea.



Mar 21 - Apr 19

Aries men are a special type of hell. If you're an Aries man, please reassess yourself. Y'all got fucking issues.

Snack craving: McDonald’s.



Apr 20 - May 20

Taurus represents all things comforting and pure. You are the physical embodiment of fuzzy socks, coffee, and candles. Pat yourself on the back for being everyone’s comfort person. 

Snack craving: peanut butter and jam sandwiches.



May 21 - Jun 20

Gemini often get a bad rap. Fuck the haters. If you’re a Gemini, you’re fucking cool and swag. Everyone wishes they were as fun loving and frisky as you. You are nothing but good vibes. 

Snack craving: anything brunch-related.



Jun 21 - July 22

The Mercury retrograde is fucking EVERYONE up right now, but it may be particularly hard for Cancers. Hold tight and ride it out, clarity and confidence are coming your way soon. 

Snack craving: mousetraps.



July - Aug 22

It’s time to take a break from the tumultuous lifestyle you live. Try to meditate, do some hot yoga. All this drama, drinking and gear will lead you to burnout. 

Snack craving: tea and biscuits.



Aug 23 - Sep 22

If things or people from the past are popping up, perhaps it’s time to do some reflection. It’s probably a sign from the universe, after all. Pay attention to the world around you over the coming weeks. 

Snack craving: sweet and sour chicken.



Sep 23 - Oct 22

Flatting beef? Relationship drama? It’s time to stop being the bigger person, just be the problem instead. You deserve a break from being the mature and measured one for once in your life. 

Snack craving: fruit salad, yummy yummy.



Oct 23 - Nov 21

The only thing that’s been fucking you hard right now is life. Sending prayers and good wishes your way, Scorpios, because it’s been a rough one. 

Snack craving: bagels.



Nov 22 - Dec 21

Sagittarius is one of the best signs, hands down. There is nothing but good vibes on the horizon for you all. Keep sagi-slaying, besties xx. 

Snack craving: French fry. Singular.



Dec 22 - Jan 19

You may be stressed and you may be depressed, but you have been blessed with work ethic and determination. Even if the going gets tough, keep grinding, you can do it. 

Snack craving: sushi.

This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2022.
Posted 6:15pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic.