Jan 20 - Feb 18
NO, don’t order that UberEats! Get the fuck up and do your grocery shopping. And buy some kiwifruit while you’re there. When was the last time you took a shit that wasn’t pebbles?
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Make the flat a Sunday roast.
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You’re initiating the tough conversations, and it’s going to work out in your favour. Keep speaking your truth, and fuck how they feel.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Go out on a friendship date with someone who makes you feel empowered.
Mar 21 - Apr 19
If serial monogamy was a competition, you’d be the winner. You can’t detach while they’re in your bed, babes. Learn how to be alone, but not lonely.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Get in your favourite set of pyjamas, light your candles and park up with a good book.
Apr 20 - May 20
Drive yourself out to the beach and spend some time with yourself. Watch the waves and listen to sad music while you ponder your measly existence. I’m not sure if it’ll help, but it’s better than wasting away in your freezing cold bedroom.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Turn on all the heaters in your bedroom and pretend you’re on vacation.
May 21 - Jun 20
If they’re jealous, it’s because they’re projecting. Don’t take it personally, and don’t waste your energy fighting back. They’ll never be you, babes.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Affirmations in the mirror.
Jun 21 - July 22
Stop talking to your ex. That shit’s weird. Isn’t it time to move on?
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Meditate.
July - Aug 22
What’s with the confrontation recently? It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Call your parents.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Respect changing relationships. Adult friendships are hard, and sometimes it’s just not worth clinging on. You’re not the bad guy for having boundaries.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Go to the ice hockey with your flatmates.
Sep 23 - Oct 22
You know what, Libra? You SHOULD post that thirst trap. You SHOULD overshare online. You SHOULD organise that coffee date. Who cares! Your self-awareness will be your downfall if you let it.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Focus on your hobbies.
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Weird dreams recently? That’s cool. But stop messaging your friends about them in the morning. I promise, they don’t care.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Buy some magnesium and take it before bed.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You’re hiding yourself away, Sag. The only way to alleviate that social anxiety is to face it head-on. Allow yourself to experience something new.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Make mulled wine.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You’re a light in everyone’s life, but don’t burn yourself out! We need you on top of your game, you little life of the party, you.
Tip to cure your seasonal depression: Take a mental health day or two.