Horoscopes: Week 7

Horoscopes: Week 7

Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

This is for everybody going through tough times, believe me, been there done that, but everyday above ground is a great day, remember that. 

Task to do: wash your sheets.

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. This biggity boy is a diggity dog. 

Task to do: drink wine and cry. 

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Now if you know you're with somebody that you're gonna take the hotel room tonight, make some noise! 

Task to do: clear out your Tinder matches. 

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

Took my life from negative to positive, I just want y’all to know that. And tonight, lets enjoy life. 

Task to do: find the best coffee in town. 

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

My life is a movie and you just TiVo, ha, Mami got me twisted like a dreadlock, she don't wrestle, but I got her in a headlock.

Task to do: plan a getaway. 

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

Reporting live from the tallest building in Tokyo, long ways from them hard ways, o’s and oh-yays, Dade County always, 305 all day.

Task to do: journaling and self-reflection. 

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

But for now, forget about that. Blow the whistle, baby you the ref. 

Task to do: get ahead on midterms. 

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Baby, if you're ready for things to get heavy, I get on the floor and act a fool if you let me, dalé. Don't believe me, just bet me.

Task to do: stop buying red wine. 

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

Everythang and anythang, and they love to get it in, get it on, all night long. 

Task to do: upgrade your winter wardrobe. 

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Self-paid, self-made millionaire. I used to play around the world, now I'm around the world, getting paid.

Task to do: confront your flat issues. 

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

This is insane: the way the name growin, money keep flowin', hustlers move in silence, so, I'm tiptoein', to keep flowin'.

Task to do: admit your feelings to others.

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

I'm a genius, I mean brilliant.

Task to do: grocery shop, please it’s been three weeks. 

This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2022.
Posted 1:16pm Sunday 10th April 2022 by Critic.