Capricorn
Stop overbooking yourself before you have a public meltdown in Central Library. Nobody expects you to be a CEO, and burning out before midterms will tank your GPA. Pace yourself, breathe, and accept you don't need to make millions. Yet.
Your Greek God: Hermes
Ares
The homesickness is hitting, and you’re romanticising the midsem break like it wasn't just you and your parents' couch. Don't let nostalgia trick you into letting toxic hometown friends walk all over you. Set boundaries, protect your peace, and remember why you moved South.
Your Greek God: Zeus
Pisces
Overthinking small details will send your anxiety into overdrive this week. Ground yourself before you spend hours analysing the exact punctuation of a text from your manager. Prioritise your dopamine, stop fixating on stress, and go touch some fucking grass.
Your Greek God: Athena
Gemini
You’ll feel a massive surge of confidence this week because of your ability to juggle a chaotic schedule with absolute grace. Between the heavy courseload, a social life, and terrible sleep schedule, sure you’ve got your priorities in mind before the plot armor wears off.
Your Greek God: Hades
Cancer
Slow down this week, and channel that chaotic energy into a huge aesthetic stationery haul. Find true inner peace by colour-coding notebooks, arranging highlighters in flawless rainbow order and turning your desk into a Pinterest board before you have to start studying.
Your Greek God: Demeter
Scorpio
Please don't pivot your entire career path just because one lecture was dry. Before blowing up your degree, stand in the soul crushing AskOtago queue to see if your new papers are viable. Plan properly, or you’ll land up the Leith without a paddle.
Your Greek god: Hephaestus
Libra
It is time to get your ass back on Hinge and Bumble. A dry spell in this freezing weather is a tragedy. The Dunedin student dating pool may be a puddle of recycled exes, but love is out there. Make sure you dodge the catfish and red flags as you swipe.
Your Greek god: Terpsichore
Taurus
The cosmos is gonna humble you real quick. Even if you want to leave your past life where it belongs, expect to see a ghost pop up in your story views. Don't freak out when the jump scare happens – just screenshot it for the group chat.
Your Greek god: Apollo
Leo
This week is going to be one of many firsts – but you only live the Scarfie life once. Grab the Universe by the balls and embrace every chaotic memory. Do it so you can tell your kids all about it when you're wine drunk on a Tuesday twenty years down the track.
Your Greek god: Dionysus
Virgo
In the lawless land of Octagon clubs, keep your friends close and your enemies far the fuck away. You’re definitely getting dragged out this week, so stay safe and stick to the pack. Keep your wits about you, watch your friends, and turn down free drinks from strangers.
Your Greek god: Artemis
Sagittarius
Share your recent wins selectively – Tall Poppy Syndrome is running rampant. Avoid the extra energy it takes to deal with insecure people who will inevitably mistake your genuine joy for a massive ego trip, and celebrate with your ride or dies.
Your Greek god: Hera
Aquarius
Time to ditch the rose-tinted glasses, because a harsh cosmic entity is demanding you take a proper look at your roster. The mid-year breakup season has arrived, and this may be a sign to manifest a more fulfilling future – even if that just means finding a new blanket buddy.
Your Greek god: Aphrodite
