Horoscopes: Week 11

Horoscopes: Week 11


Jan 20 - Feb 18

Please, for the love of God and your liver, stop abusing so many substances. Do you want to make it to Hyde?

Instrument to learn: the banjo. 



Feb 19 - Mar 20

It’s time to sit and think about the next step. What does the future hold for you? What are your goals and dreams? You can’t live in your head forever, besties! 

Instrument to learn: the piano. 



Mar 21 - Apr 19

Feel like everyone is talking shit about you? Rightfully so, it's probably because you’ve pissed them all off. Check yourself. 

Instrument to learn: the guitar.



Apr 20 - May 20

Chances are you’ve probably been feeling a bit nervous about things. Just know that it’s okay, and a little discomfort never hurt anyone. 

Instrument to learn: the clarinet.



May 21 - Jun 20

You are in your unhinged era. Be free. Fuck shit up. Don’t let the restraints of society hold you back. 

Instrument to learn: the kazoo.



Jun 21 - July 22

Y’all need to learn how to read the room sometimes. 

Instrument to learn: the organ.



July - Aug 22

There are only two types of people in this world. Ones that can entertain, and ones that observe. And Leos, you are for sure the former. 

Instrument to learn: the saxophone.



Aug 23 - Sep 22

It’s time to reassess some things in your love life. A relationship no longer serving you? Things getting complicated with your fling? It’s time to sit down, front up, and think about where things are going. 

Instrument to learn: the violin.



Sep 23 - Oct 22

I’m not a particularly hateful person, but holy shit, Libra men need to shut the fuck up sometimes. Like bro, no one asked. 

Instrument to learn: the drums.



Oct 23 - Nov 21

Sometimes, you can be a little intense and it can rub people the wrong way. Try limiting your dramatic antics, it’ll ease the pressure on yourself and others. 

Instrument to learn: the harp.



Nov 22 - Dec 21

It’s time to confront your feelings and emotions. Running away and causing chaos will not fix the problem. Some self-care, reflection and reality checks are much needed in the coming weeks. 

Instrument to learn: the flute.



Dec 22 - Jan 19

This is a shout out to call Capricorn women. Keep gaslighting, gatekeeping, and girl-bossing. As for the Capricorn men, please check that ego. 

Instrument to learn: the cello.

This article first appeared in Issue 11, 2022.
Posted 10:20pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by Critic.