Horoscopes: Week 8

Horoscopes: Week 8


Jan 20 - Feb 18

Start living by ACC: always choosing content. 

DIY activity: home grown weed. 



Feb 19 - Mar 20

If there is one thing you need, it’s a break. Stop putting so much time and emotional labour into things that no longer serve you. 

DIY activity: baking an apple pie.



Mar 21 - Apr 19

It must be nice not having to worry about what people think of you. Keep being delusional, and downright annoying. 

DIY activity: airbrushing your selfies. 



Apr 20 - May 20

If you were a food, you’d be a bowl of honey oatmeal. Warm, comforting, sweet, reliable and just ever so slightly bland.

DIY activity: writing a Western novel. 



May 21 - Jun 20

It’s time to ease up, drink up, light up, and become a fuck-up. 

DIY activity: creating the perfect marg.



Jun 21 - July 22

Only thing you should be keeping an eye on is money. You’ve gotten into some bad spending habits recently, so it’s time to start saving those little pennies. Inflation, amiright? 

DIY activity: teaching yourself economics. 



July - Aug 22

Got told I was too harsh on Leos at a party last week. How confrontational, aggressive and whiny of you! 

DIY activity: meditation, medication, mediation… either way, you need help.



Aug 23 - Sep 22

It’s time to reconnect with your inner child. Stop being responsible and adult-like. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the antics. Why act 81 when you can act 18? 

DIY activity: minor home renovation. 



Sep 23 - Oct 22

This week is a shoutout to all the Libra women. Y’all really are a girls’ girl, and you know what’s up. Keep being you. Iconic, amazing and wonderful. 

DIY activity: taking yourself out on a date.



Oct 23 - Nov 21

You crave nostalgia, and a sense of the past. You feel lost, and your sense of belonging feels misplaced. Never fear, ride out the journey, and bathe in the emotions that wash over you. 

DIY activity: developing your old film. 



Nov 22 - Dec 21

Got your eye on someone? Been chatting up a cutie? Really just wanna get a root out of your system? Make a move, Sag’! There is no time like the present, so carpe diem or whatever. 

DIY activity: addressing your commitment issues. 



Dec 22 - Jan 19

You are one of life's great mysteries. Who knows what’s going on up in that Capri-mind of yours? Oh, to be in your subconscious. I bet it’s full of rats.

DIY activity: colour-coding your herbs and spices. 

This article first appeared in Issue 8, 2022.
Posted 3:00pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Critic.