Fizzliss Cranberry & Apple Vodka

Fizzliss Cranberry & Apple Vodka

I was going to review Fizzliss’ new Pineapple and Passionfruit flavour but it had sold out in every store in Dunedin, so it must be good. Instead I acquired the formerly infamous Cranberry flavour to see if it still maintained its laxative properties. It did not. But it does taste way better.

The new formula is less potent than the original recipe, which is a blessing because it means that almost unlimited quantities can be consumed without risk of diabetes or unintentional defecation. The cranberry is perfectly paired with the apple concentrate, creating just enough flavour to mask the percentage of the alcohol present, but nowhere near enough to make it feel like you are drinking corn syrup.

A test shotgun was conducted for analysis and it was an exceptionally easy time with minimal bloat (due to, need I say, the fizzless properties of the drink). Unlike other ‘health’ RTDs, Fizzliss is not super acidic to make up for the lack of sugar, so you don’t get heartburn halfway through your box. At $28.00 for a box of 10 x 1.6 standard cans, that makes for $1.75 per standard, which is pretty steep, but can you really put a price on your health?

The flavour is pretty good considering that there is basically no sugar in the drink. Most RTDs taste like they have been pumped out of a vat in a factory that also makes all of the worst vape flavours you can imagine. Fizzliss Cranberry & Apple tastes like it has been mixed on your deck, by the beach, in the middle of summer. It tastes real.

Lack of carbonation is also a stand out feature of Fizzliss and it makes a huge difference because it allows you to choose the pace at which you drink. If you have crippling social anxiety and want to get fucked up ASAP by sculling a substantial proportion of your box, you can (please don’t). If you want to sip on the same can all afternoon because you have a healthy relationship with alcohol, you can do that too. Fizzliss 2.0 has got range. 

Tasting notes: orchard, Pamol, blackout
Froth level: managing to go for a run without collapsing
Pairs well with: health spas, saunas, home remedies
Taste rating: 8/10, what a comeback

This article first appeared in Issue 5, 2022.
Posted 6:17pm Sunday 27th March 2022 by Chug Norris.