Moaningful Confessions | Togal Catastrophe

Moaningful Confessions | Togal Catastrophe

It was my first year at Otago Uni. I was freshly 18, still a virgin and O-week was coming up. I decided to go to toga with a couple of people I’d met that day. After more than a couple drinks, some shitty dancing and moving our way up in the crowd, I looked around only to realise I recognised no one. All I could feel was another sweaty fresher pressed up against me. His only identifying quality was the massive cheesy tattoo across his chest. I continued dancing with him until he pulled me aside and yelled that we should get out of there. Our walk back consisted of awkward drunken small talk and egg-dodging, before we made it back to Arana. We tried to go through the main entrance but since I didn’t live there they wouldn’t let me in, so we snuck in through the back fence. He unwrapped his toga to reveal his previously concealed metallic green boxers and he had to untie my sheet top for me. After some terrible kissing that felt like it lasted centuries, he chucked on some god awful DnB.

There was no foreplay or anything that could possibly get me in the mood. Multiple attempts to put a condom on later, he finally went in. Keeping in mind, I was dryer than a bowl of Weetbix without milk. Luckily I was on my period so any blood that may have come from the first time round was thankfully covered. He kept trying to go at it from behind but in my inebriated state the action of turning me around was unsuccessful. After five minutes of sloppy painful missionary sex, he finished. Following the disappointing loss of my v-card, he could not get me out of there fast enough. I was left to fend for myself in the Arana corridor maze. This man stayed in bed while I walked around drunk in my bra and shorts, sheet in hand (as I didn’t have the time or ability to retie it), trying to find anything that resembled an exit. Finally I was rescued by a nice stranger, who took me back to campus to meet my mate from high-school. She didn’t know her way around campus yet so she had to get her RA to bring her out to meet me. Safe to say, my fresher hoe phase could only get better from there.

This article first appeared in Issue 18, 2022.
Posted 8:08pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Critic.