Archive

Long Live the King

Posted 11:58pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Fox Meyer

According to over 150 Critic readers, these are the definitive King’s Cup rules for Otago students: 2: You, with 93.6%. Nominate a drink. 3: Me, with 93.6%.  You must drink. 4: Whores, with 61.8%.  People identifying as female must drink. 5: House Rules, with Read more...

Period Suppression: The Hidden Benefit of Contraception

Posted 4:19pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Naomii Seah

The first time I got my period, I was nine. I didn’t know what a period was, and I didn’t know why people were making such a huge deal out of it. It didn’t hurt much, it was just alarming. I was sure that it wasn’t normal to bleed out of your vagina, and I was sure adults Read more...

DIY Tampons: A Warning, Not A Guide

Posted 4:08pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

There is no worse feeling than when you get a surprise period. On the one hand, it’s cool because it means you’re not pregnant. On the other hand, you have to deal with blood leaking out of your uterus for a week or longer, and all the other hormonal side effects alongside it. Everyone Read more...

Students’ Paradise: Quirky, Character-Building Villa, Full of Fun Surprises

Posted 4:53pm Monday 11th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Betty is a Psychology major in her second year, living in a four bedroom villa in gorgeous North Dunedin. The 21-year-old welcomed Critic into her bespoke, contemporary home to showcase the best of Dunedin flatting.  The first thing you notice upon entering is the striking placement of the Read more...

DIY Flat Furniture

Posted 1:24pm Monday 11th May 2020 by Sinead Gill

Pallets and their younger brother, the beer crate, are God-tier DIY materials. You cannot fight me on this. This is a universal truth. Between pallets and beer crates you can make literally any kind of furniture known to man. For years, my bed base was four pallets slapped beside each other, no Read more...

The Great Critic Suburb Review

Posted 4:52pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

The journey from hall to flat is like from womb to breast; it involves sweat, tears, and a lot of involvement from your mother. But where to even start looking? Let’s say you hop onto TradeMe Property, ready to search - but what suburb do you pop into that little box? Consider looking beyond Read more...

Flat Hunting Tips

Posted 4:06pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Every year Critic tells freshers not to sign up for a flat in first semester. Every year, they fail to heed our advice. So, we thought, what the hell, let’s just roll with it. Although the global pandemic might have delayed flat hunts a bit, rest assured the season will soon be upon us in Read more...

Lime: A Year of Outlash, Antics, and Scooting

Posted 10:54am Wednesday 15th April 2020 by Wyatt Ryder

It’s been over one year since Lime hit the streets of Dunedin. Students rejoiced when the pavement was filled with the bright green toys on 10 January 2019.  Students wondered: do you ride in the cycle lane? On the street? On the pavement? Nobody knew, and nobody cared. Anarchy reigned Read more...

First Year Woes: Freshers in the face of Covid-19

Posted 12:35pm Thursday 9th April 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

It’s no secret that 2020 is shaping up to be a bit of a shit show for everyone thanks to our special friend ‘Rona. But in amongst the panic and chaos that has swept our university community, I feel there is one demographic which has been hit particularly hard by this event. The freshers. Read more...

Love in Lockdown

Posted 10:26am Wednesday 8th April 2020 by Naomii Seah

If you’re single as fuck, like me, the Covid-19 lockdown is a government mandated four week dry spell. Two weeks in, and I’m wanking with my left hand so I can pretend it’s someone else. I’ve named my sex toys (Buzz and Woody) and I’m taking increasingly long, hot Read more...

Sweet Dreams are Made of Cheese

Posted 3:55pm Monday 6th April 2020 by Phillip Plant

The pirate ship’s remains lay scattered on the beach. The pirate King, still breathing, is dripping with salt water, sweat, tears, and blood all over your lap, on which his head is laid. His exposed torse shines in the moonlight. “It’s just us now,” he says to you; his voice Read more...

Interior Design to Optimise Your Bedroom

Posted 3:15pm Wednesday 1st April 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

Currently, very few students have the luxury of sprawling their stuff into various living rooms or home offices. Many only have their bedrooms to work with. The following is a guide to optimise the space you have, and turn it into the versatile space that all students deserve. 1. Keep your study Read more...

Best Degrees to Ally With During the Apocalypse: Part Two

Posted 10:50am Wednesday 1st April 2020 by Fox Meyer

Alright, we’re back for more. Apparently I forgot a few degrees the first time around, so here’s the first expansion pack for Apocalypse Simulator 2020: Dunedin Edition. Same rules as last time. More options for your 5 flatmates. Eat up.   Offence:   Zoology: These Read more...

Best Degrees to Ally With During the Apocalypse

Posted 3:19pm Monday 30th March 2020 by Fox Meyer

You’re filling out your dream flat, but can only choose five flatmates. You don’t know how long this will last. It could be just four weeks. Or maybe society will break down, and these five people will be all you have in the post-covid hellscape. Choose Read more...

Anxiety 101

Posted 11:53am Thursday 26th March 2020 by Caroline Moratti

It’s hard not to feel anxious right now. There’s a lot of uncertainty about what’s going to come, not to mention stress about your family and the economy and well, it kind of just feels like the whole world is on fire right now. About a week ago I started having trouble sleeping. I Read more...

American Exodus

Posted 8:41pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Fox Meyer

March 14th: Eight confirmed cases of Kiwi Covid. Jacinda Ardern announces that all overseas arrivals in New Zealand must self-isolate for 14 days. Hundreds of American students in New Zealand watch as their country descends into a toilet-paper wasteland. In Aotearoa, these students are mostly Read more...

Hospo Hell

Posted 6:42pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

Getting a part-time hospitality job is like being a first year in a hall. Not all do it, but for most people it is an inevitable and expected part of the University experience. From the outside, casual waitressing, bartending, cleaning, and serving, all seem like perfect, simple side-hustles to our Read more...

Give Nothing to Racism: A Year On.

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 19th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

On 15 March 2019, a white supremacist terrorist walked into a mosque during Friday prayer and gunned down 51 innocent people, injuring 49 more. It was the kind of news that sent a whole nation into shock. Most people remember exactly where they were when they heard the news, and will remember for Read more...

What Pasifika Should Know When Going Into a Professional Degree

Posted 7:02pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It’s the start of their second year. Five Pasifika students made it through First Year Health Sci. Echoes down the corridor scream ‘yOu onLy gOt in bEcAuse yOu’rE brown.’ They laugh. You fool, you clown. Rat behaviour.   Apparently getting through First Year Read more...

Feast V.S. Famine

Posted 6:59pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

*Content warning; disordered eating, If you are in a college, chances are that you are being fed. A lot. Three meals a day plus snacks. Not all college food is created equal, but one thing is for sure, you aren’t going to starve. You, your scholarship or your parents are paying an average Read more...

The Ultimate Guide to Getting Into Second Year Law*

Posted 6:53pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

This goes out to all you freshers who have decided to take it upon yourselves to enrol in first year Law.  You’re anxious. You aren’t entirely sure why you’re here or what your future holds. Did you decide to take Law because you and your inflated ego think you’re better Read more...

Dunedin’s Inglorious Holes

Posted 2:20pm Saturday 7th March 2020 by Allen D'Generate

Imagine, if you would, a time when a lonely gay couldn’t jump on Grindr to find a man to lock dick lips. No internet to waste uncountable hours whacking to Twitter porn, even before Tumblr took away our penises. How does one drain their hefty pent up frustration? The answer, many found, was to Read more...

Facing the Stigma: Emergency Contraceptive Pill

Posted 8:31pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

“I was so upset I almost forgot that I might be pregnant. I was expecting to be slut-shamed, but I wasn’t expecting to be racially profiled, and shamed for being a woman, a student, and a person.”  The Emergency Contraceptive Pill (ECP), known as Postinor-1 or, more Read more...

DIY Dildos

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Naughty Nadia and Sloppy Sarah

Let’s face it. Dildos are expensive, and StudyLink doesn’t cover all your needs. In the wake of the impending sex toy shortage, Critic has decided to review some the possible household items you’ll have lying around to make some DIY dilds. From household items, to the classic Read more...

1 Summer, 100 Wanks

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 5th March 2020 by Anon

"Fuck, you are so tight," said my client as he lay face down on the massage table. He was trying to stick a finger into my butthole. It took all my might not to burst out laughing. I thought to myself ‘…does this man think he is touching my vagina right now? Does he seriously Read more...

Saving Fresher Lives With Are You OK

Posted 1:57am Friday 28th February 2020 by Bonnie Harrison

He’s too drunk. His legs have collapsed beneath him, so there is someone supporting either of his shoulders – that’s two. His head is lolling back, so a third person holds it up and grips a mask to his mouth, from which a plastic sac drops down to collect his thin, watery vomit. Read more...

The Great Annual Flo and O Week Party Review

Posted 1:56am Friday 28th February 2020 by Annabelle Vaughan

The two-week self-induced bender, also known as Flo and O week is a time of awakening, connection and chlamydia. The second years shed their fresher selves, the third years prepare for their final send, and the fourth years aren’t there because they’re too old and depressed. And the Read more...

Ranking 6 European Cities Based on their Laxatives

Posted 7:05pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Fox Meyer

For this very important and very specific list, I’ve consulted an expert. Poopie*, an American exchange student, has been struggling with chronic constipation for four years now. You wouldn’t know it by looking at her, but she’s carrying around a baby’s weight of shit, and Read more...

Māori Migration to Otago Uni: Tauira Perspectives on Life in Te Cold

Posted 3:19pm Saturday 22nd February 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Moving to a new city fresh out of high-school is daunting. It is especially daunting to commit to a University far away from your iwi or culture-rich Māori communities. It is no secret that Dunedin has a low population of Māori – not to mention, has the polar opposite weather of Read more...

Picking Up Butts

Posted 12:29am Friday 21st February 2020 by Henessey Griffiths

Flo Week is a week-long ceremony of buying shit you don’t need from Kmart and deleting piss with the bradas. Throughout the week, different named flats host different themed parties, and everyone gets absolutely cunted on White Rhinos and Billy Mavs. I considered joining in on some of the Read more...

Remembering The Undie 500

Posted 11:16pm Thursday 20th February 2020 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Now existing only in memory, the Undie 500 was a longstanding event facilitated by the Engineering Society of Canterbury (ENSOC) which spanned from 1988 to 2009, in which contestants would purchase a warranted and registered car for less than $500, decorate it, and drive it down to Dunedin from Read more...

Pull Your Red Card: You're Running Out of Time

Posted 1:11pm Thursday 24th October 2019 by Natasha Parrant

Hosting red cards are good fun when you get everyone in the flat involved and make everyone do some wacky stuff. Whether it’s interactive challenges on the streets with strangers, or just a lock-in to enhance the flat bonding experience, red cards are an ideal way to forget that university Read more...

Milkshake Wrestling, Hypnotists and Buckets of Vomit: A History of O-Week

Posted 9:42pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by Caroline Moratti

O-Week is a beautiful time of the year. Wearing too much body glitter, you meet your first-year boyfriend for the first time in the line for toga, and then proceed to throw up White Rhinos in the Arana bushes for the remainder of the evening. It’s a confusing, smelly time of sex, social Read more...

Campus Watch and the Code of Conduct

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by Erin Gourley

It’s 2005 in North Dunedin. Everyone has a bad haircut. Somewhere in the distance students huddle around a burning couch. Broken glass glitters on the footpath. The 4:20 Club smoke cannabis each week on Union Lawn. Bars around campus sell cheap drinks to drunk students. Undie 500 is getting Read more...

Dave Cull: Beautiful Nightmayor

Posted 11:09pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Mayor Dave Cull is a sultry, smooth sultana. His body is hesitantly tanned, his hair windswept to a salt and pepper slick. If I had to liken him to an animal, he would be a seagull. Did I mention he’s an Aries? He greets me warmly and leads me into his office. The door shuts behind us. Read more...

The Dunedin Youth Council

Posted 11:03pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

When I was 17 years old, I wore too much eyeliner and thought Benedict Cumberbatch was genuinely attractive. I also joined a fledgling group called the Dunedin Youth Council (DYC). In my two-year term, I witnessed horrific ratepayer spending, chaotic organisation and general unbelievable Read more...

The Great Annual Critic Fish ‘n’ Chip Review

Posted 10:58pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Nina Minogue

Fish ‘n’ Chips are a humble feed certain to satisfy even the fussiest and skint. Chips are vegan and gluten-free; those with dietary requirements have no excuse. Tell your flatmate to retire their weekly rotation of spag bol for the night and go suss the flat something they actually want Read more...

Dunedin’s Student Night Shifters

Posted 10:53pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by Nina Minogue

Ever wondered what life was like on the other side of a row of tequila shots? Critic talked to the people that see the ugliest sides of all of our nights on the town. The following people have had their names changed so they don’t get @ed, but they are all current students and probably best Read more...

The Inaugural Critic Instant Ramen Review

Posted 10:31pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

Instant ramen has been the stereotypical broke student meal for decades. Grab a pot, boil some water, and you have a meal - it’s great. But if you’re planning to spend most of your mealtimes eating instant noodles, then you need to know how to shake things up. Variety is the spice of Read more...

Nitro Stokes the Student Fire: How a RTD Pays For Student Parties

Posted 10:19pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Nina Minogue

As the only RTD containing both guarana and taurine, Nitro claims to pack the “maximum amount of caffeine legally allowed in New Zealand”. With their slogan “SLEEP WHEN YOU ARE DEAD”, a night on the ‘tro can feel like a fever dream. Their advertising features Read more...

Does Gambling Pay?

Posted 10:16pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Nina Minogue

Between 2017 and 2018, New Zealanders lost nearly 2.4 billion dollars on gambling between the TAB, NZ Lotteries Commission, casinos and gaming machines. This number has been increasing every year since 2010, with gambling estimated to affect one in five kiwis throughout their lives. Being a Read more...

Who to Avoid At Parties, and How to Do It: A Critic Guide

Posted 10:07pm Friday 20th September 2019 by Phillip Plant

I'm a lover of many things. I love staring out of windows, I love ducks, and I love Mitski. But one thing I really don’t like is having to socialise with people I barely know at parties where you can barely hear yourself talk over Darude’s Sandstorm.  So, I created my very Read more...

The Great Critic Study Drug Review

Posted 12:16am Friday 13th September 2019 by Critic

Phenylpiracetam I was given this in an antique jar, as if it had come straight from the apothecary as opposed to out of some dude’s giant delivery from the dark web. Unsure of how to consume ‘racetam, I jumped online to find that snorting nootropics such as these wasn’t the way Read more...

The Great Critic Sleeping Pill Review

Posted 12:12am Friday 13th September 2019 by Asia Martusia King

Sleeping is supposed to be the most basic of human activity, but for some reason one in four people really fucking suck at it. While a variety of scientists have dedicated time to helping us pass out, as a budding insomniac, how do you know what chemicals to shovel into your brain goo? Here’s Read more...

Be PrEPared

Posted 11:39pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

If you’ve cried while watching Rami Malek serenade the camera in Bohemian Rhapsody, then it goes without saying that you know how shit HIV is. In the ‘90s, treatment for HIV became available to help treat the virus, which although a lifetime obligation, was treatment nevertheless. But Read more...

Sexual Assault in OUSA Clubs: Creating a Safe Space For All?

Posted 12:39am Friday 6th September 2019 by Sinead Gill

Content warning: sexual violence     We all know that university is more than just a classroom. It’s about the skills you learn, the opportunities you take, and how much you get baked. For many students, OUSA clubs are where they make lifelong connections. But what if the Read more...

Critic Reviews North Dunedin’s Milkshakes and Only Throws Up Once

Posted 12:37am Friday 6th September 2019 by Charlie O’Mannin

All the milkshakes will be Spearmint because get the fuck off my back, Spearmint’s great. Your life has been exclusively missionary sex and Chocolate milkshakes, with Strawberry on special occasions. Branch out, give some meaning to your pointless bland existence; fuck doggy and drink Read more...

Sending Out an SOS: Understanding Basic Science is Mandatory if You Insist on Making Decisions that Affect the Environment

Posted 12:33am Friday 6th September 2019 by Grace Cowley

I don’t go out of my way to chat to climate change deniers. As a Marine Science student and environmentalist, little frustrates me more than the blatant disregard for decades of peer-reviewed scientific evidence (which speaks volumes about how much fun I am at parties). But the last place I Read more...

Waste Not, Want Not: The Abysmal Food Wastage in Our Halls

Posted 12:05am Friday 6th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

A recent UoO Meaningful Confession claimed to be a kitchen worker at an unspecified college, and mourned having to throw out an outrageous amount of food: “Entire tray of rice? Bin. 15 legs of chicken? Bin. Tray of veggies, salad that has barely been touched, and oohh, that one time I had to Read more...

The Funny Bone of the Nation: A Chance Encounter With Comedian Tom Sainsbury

Posted 12:02am Friday 6th September 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Unless you’ve been living in one of New Zealand’s proudest backwards communities (Gloriavale or Balclutha), you’ve probably enjoyed a good chortle courtesy of the country’s premier comedian du jour, Tom Sainsbury - Comedian and Snapchat Dude. Tom is an entertainment Read more...