Currently, very few students have the luxury of sprawling their stuff into various living rooms or home offices. Many only have their bedrooms to work with. The following is a guide to optimise the space you have, and turn it into the versatile space that all students deserve.
1. Keep your study space and chillout space separate
If there is only one thing you take away from this, it is that you should keep your study space and your chillout space separate. I promise you that no matter how good studying in bed sounds, it's a shit idea, and you will get nothing done. Besides, who wants to feel guilty about not doing readings while you're in the comfort of your own bed? You'll want that space for when you inevitably give up on your readings at your desk and start binging more TikToks.
While your chillout space can be literally anywhere comfortable, Critic recommends putting your desk in front of a window so you can remember that there is an outside world which one day you can be part of again.
2. Organise your study space
Since you can no longer whittle your hours away in Central Library, take some time to rearrange your deskspace for all the joyous hours of online classes you have ahead of you. Place your textbooks and notes to one side, tissues and hand sanitizer to the other. Commandere a cup from the kitchen to keep all of your pens in. If you take any daily meds, keep that by your desk, too, so that you can get a routine going of beginning your day with all of your shit together.
When studying, listen to calming, relaxing music to really get you in the mood. You can now hunker down with all the essentials and a glimmer of the outside world while you study. You officially have no excuse to miss a class or assessment again, since it is the only thing you can do when in isolation. Despite this, you’ll probably still miss classes and procrastinate. Good job, not even a global pandemic can force you to finish BSNS113.
3. Hang up pictures of the outside world
After spending a number of weeks inside, there is no doubt you’ll be craving the outside world. To combat this desire, print out a variety of photos from different landmarks and hang them on your window, ceiling, or laptop screensaver. Think picturesque lakes in Queenstown, or the hustle and bustle of New York. Maybe even Italian wine country, or the crystal clear waters of Fiji. The world really is your oyster with this one, you can transport yourself to a variety of different nations, whatever floats your goat. This way you are safe from the threat of Covid-19 and also getting arrested for leaving your house. Brilliant stuff, remember, it’s all about the imagination.
4. Panic Wardrobe
At some stage throughout this lockdown you’re bound to have a mental breakdown or 60. In this instance, convert your wardrobe into a panic room with all the essentials you may need at some point or another.
Simply clear out the bottom half of your wardrobe and line it with pillows to hug, you know, so you can pretend to feel some sense of human connection. Follow this up with a copious amount of alcohol, three bottles of wine or a few coffins should likely suffice, as well as a few packets of ramen. Good thing about ramen is that you can ration it out over long periods of time, and since it isn’t real food, it won’t ever expire. You can either eat the noodles dry, or you can suck the sauce out of the sachets, or maybe even a spicy combo of both. You should also stockpile issues of Critic for your entertainment and to distract your mind from spiralling into dark, deep, depressing waters. A vibrator may also be of essential use in case you get a lil horny, too.
If you don't have a wardrobe, try to fit this all under your bed.
5. Nightclub corner
If there is one thing you’re craving more than sex during this difficult time, it is probably getting on this piss with the bradas. So instead of wallowing in your own sorrows about all the good times you're missing on the rark, simply transform a part of your room into a nightclub. Tear down the fairylights you've sprawled across all four walls and string them all in the one corner. Bonus if they have a strobe function. Make a stand for your alcohol and speaker (stolen from a flatmate who managed to get home before lockdown began, of course) to live. If you don't have any fairy lights, just flick your lightswitch on and off really fast to give the illusion you’re in a club. Rally the gang over a group FaceTime, trust me, you won’t be able to tell the difference at all.
6. Bedside Shrine for Mumma Cindy
The first step to creating a blissful isolation sanctuary is to set up a shrine on your bedside table. Now, I’m sure your bedside table doesn’t get that much use as it is. It probably has a book that collects dust, a condom wrapper or two, and a variety of mugs you’ve been hoarding for the past few weeks (which you should return, or your flatmates will keep getting shitty). What better a way to spruce things up then create a shrine/prayer area to bow down to every night. It is my recommendation you dedicate it to the saviour of this fine nation, Jacinda Ardern.
First fill the space with a warm, calming, bright lamp to set the mood for the area, radiating the same energy as Cindy herself. Following this, cover your bedside table with a soft red fabric, such as a Labour Party shirt. Add a framed photo as the main focal point, preferably in a gold frame to add extra bedazzle. Then surround the frame with other token items such as magazines or photographs. Every night simply lay beside your shrine and discuss your worries, thoughts and concerns. Jacinda will listen to you. She will not run, she will not hide. She will be one with you and put your mind at ease. Remember, we can get through this together. We are a strong nation that comes together in times of need. Stay calm and be kind. We will get through this. Thanks Cindy.